Can you train yourself to let go of the idea of "love"?

[Indestructible]

I've always wished I could have a normal "love life", because I think it would nice to have someone special in my life (and to also be "someone special" to someone else), but I've never even come close to that. I'm at a point where I have absolutely no doubts that I will never have someone in my life. It's just a forgone conclusion at this point.

The problem is, the desire for it won't go away. It's hard, because no matter what I do or where I look, I'm reminded of the idea of "love". I can't watch a show or movie, or read a book, or even play a video game, that doesn't end up having some kind of romantic subplot, or involves sex. Everyone around me is in (or has recently been in) a relationship, so I constantly hear people chattering about their own love lives. It's just impossible to get away from.

So how do you do it? How do you completely erase that desire from your mind?

[smackie9]

You don't....you embrace it.

[IndiReloaded]

Sure you can. My SO had given up hope. So had I.

Just live your life and take what comes. Don't hide from people though, just learn to enjoy them without expectation. May you be as surprised as we were.

[IndiReloaded]

You don't....you embrace it.

Hard to do when you don't have anything to embrace.

I would say it like this: stay engaged, but not over-invested. Its the expectation that is killing you. Let it go, but w/o becoming a hermit. Hope this makes sense.

[stev123]

Depends, if you have some experiences it lessens. I wouldn't say you can ever let go of it, because without some form of love for something you won't have the motivation to live. When it comes to relationships, you can just be cold (at least I can) and try to get what you want out of it.

[Indestructible]

Sure you can. My SO had given up hope. So had I.

Just live your life and take what comes. Don't hide from people though, just learn to enjoy them without expectation. May you be as surprised as we were.

I guess, but that's kind of what I've been trying to do for the last... several years, now. I can't say I believe in something happening "serendipitously", especially because I've never been a particularly lucky person. I've been trying to not pay attention to it, but like I said, that's extremely difficult to do when it's all around you, and you can't even get a date.

Depends, if you have some experiences it lessens. I wouldn't say you can ever let go of it, because without some form of love for something you won't have the motivation to live. When it comes to relationships, you can just be cold (at least I can) and try to get what you want out of it.

Well, I guess I need to clarify. I'm not talking about "love" in terms of "passion", as in, loving your career or loving a hobby. I'm talking about having a romantic one-on-one relationship with someone. Never had one, never will, but I always wanted to have one so badly. I want to make that "want" go away, because it leads to me having a lot of grief.

[stev123]

You'll just have to wait till the right person comes along

[AbigailR]

Just because it hasn't happened yet doesn't mean it never will.

[toknow]

Think like it has already happened and you will have it, I promise you. But, you have to believe so strongly like you see a real wall in front of you and you still know that it doesn't exist. If you believe that strongly, you will have it. Anything good in this world is possible. What you see as real is just as real as your dreams - the only difference is its intensity. You have to remove any doubt that comes to you - that means don't grieve your situation - because by doing that you are acknowledging that you don't believe.

[dem862]

Don't believe everything you see in the media. They are all selling something.

[Indestructible]

I guess, but I've "believed" for several years, and I've "least expected it" for the last several years as well, and nothing, not even so much as a date. Kinda hard not to draw the conclusion that I've drawn from that, yanno?

[toknow]

Yes, but note something. You didn't believe strongly enough, because when it didn't happen you stopped believing - that's not believing. You have to believe even when you don't see it and when you are not getting it. If you had still believed when you kept not getting it, you'd have gotten it.

[Indestructible]

Yes, but note something. You didn't believe strongly enough, because when it didn't happen you stopped believing - that's not believing. You have to believe even when you don't see it and when you are not getting it. If you had still believed when you kept not getting it, you'd have gotten it.

I think I "believed" for long enough, though. There comes a point where "belief" just isn't good enough, there has to be actual proof. I've tried to convince myself to "believe" for about eight years now. Last year, I actually thought it had paid off. I found the perfect girl for me, and everything between us happened as well as it possibly could have, except when I asked her out, she said no. I was kinda starting to lose my "belief" before I hit it off with her, and after she turned me down, I just couldn't keep doing it anymore. In my mind, that was supposed to be it, that was supposed to be the payoff for all the years I spent "believing", but something went horribly, horribly wrong, and I lost it.

[toknow]

True belief is not conditional and so are the results.

[Indestructible]

I guess, but it's difficult to believe in something for 8+ years and never even come close to seeing any payoff. I mean, how much longer am I supposed to keep holding out? Why do I have to hold out for some undisclosed amount of time, while everyone else gets to date and whatnot whenever? Not to mention, when you go through the situation I described, it makes it too hard to believe anymore. I feel like the rug was completely pulled out from under me, with that. It's just not something I think I can come back from.