Help me please Husband wants divorce what should I do?

[stev123]

I know this is out of the blue but a lot of the people giving advice here are single. My grandad cheated on my grandmother so many times, but she still stood by him and to this day they are married and happy. I guess she did it because she wouldn't find someone else like him, and if you really can't...let him do it, and if he changes and accepts you back...then you can go from there, but don't feel like an idiot if this doesn't happen, because for all you know he could be distancing himself away from you.
Ask him if he loves you, ask him whether he really wants you.

Let him act like a child, leave him by himself for a bit, let him make some mistakes and I bet you he will come crying back. But remember, I don't know this situation - you do. Unfortunately, love is the worst and greatest thing ever, if you really love him so much, you can do this and I bet he will realise that he won't meet a woman like you in a lifetime.

[Starnique]

I think the bottom line is you have a marriage in deep trouble. Don't allow him to sleep around, that's not going to help anything, especially if he knocks somebody up or brings home a disease. Your best bet is to sign off from the computer and seek the assistance of a lawyer or professional counselor, even if he does not want to participate. You have a serious problem that needs a serious response and amateur advice from a bunch of hobbyist advice givers may just end up clouding your judgment and making things worse.

So why are you commenting?

[Am I crazy?]

Starnique,

I offer my opinion when I think it will make a difference, but sometimes peoples situations really are out of the "league" for 99.99999% of the people who offer advice here. This sounds like one of those situations.

[Eng.Jackadmans]

I thought this at first too, it would make me happier if it was true. If he had someone else, he could leave me and be happy with her. He is not the kind of person to do that, If he wanted to leave he would have done that, he wouldn't wait for a 'reason', its not like he has formally given me a reason. I'm just assuming that this is the reason that upset him. It just tears me up that his ruining something good over nothing, I'm willing let him sleep with as many women as he needs to over whatever he has in his system.

I don't think any new women he finds would give him, what I'm giving him.

Eng.Jackadmans, I couldn't help but notice your user name, are you a Engineer? So is my husband. What are you discipline?

You bet, Aerospace baby.
http://www.damnlol.com/top-10-reasons-to-date-an-engineer-11477.html




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nFbWXuR_2Ow

[michelle23]

I know this is out of the blue but a lot of the people giving advice here are single. My grandad cheated on my grandmother so many times, but she still stood by him and to this day they are married and happy. I guess she did it because she wouldn't find someone else like him, and if you really can't...let him do it, and if he changes and accepts you back...then you can go from there, but don't feel like an idiot if this doesn't happen, because for all you know he could be distancing himself away from you.
Ask him if he loves you, ask him whether he really wants you.

Let him act like a child, leave him by himself for a bit, let him make some mistakes and I bet you he will come crying back. But remember, I don't know this situation - you do. Unfortunately, love is the worst and greatest thing ever, if you really love him so much, you can do this and I bet he will realise that he won't meet a woman like you in a lifetime.

Let me ask you was she dependent on him financially? Or do they have a lot of kids? Or is she very religious? That is probably why she stayed with him-not out of love. That is a different era-a different generation where people had no choice. Women put up with a lot of crap back then-not anymore. Only a co-dependent doormat would stay with a man who has such little empathy for her feelings and no respect for her normally because she has low self esteem and thinks she cant do any better or she hopes that one day she may be able to change him.

Looks can be very deceiving. She may look happy but underneath she could hate him.

[Eng.Jackadmans]

http://aviationhumor.net/top-25-engineer%E2%80%99s-terms-and-expressions/#

Maybe this will help you figure out what his really trying to tell you.

Top 20 Engineers' Terminologies
1. A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT APPROACHES ARE BEING TRIED - We are still pissing in the wind.

2. EXTENSIVE REPORT IS BEING PREPARED ON A FRESH APPROACH TO THE PROBLEM - We just hired three kids fresh out of college.

3. CLOSE PROJECT COORDINATION - We know who to blame.

4. MAJOR TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH - It works OK, but looks very hi-tech.

5. CUSTOMER SATISFACTION IS DELIVERED ASSURED - We are so far behind schedule the customer is happy to get it delivered.

6. PRELIMINARY OPERATIONAL TESTS WERE INCONCLUSIVE - The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.

7. TEST RESULTS WERE EXTREMELY GRATIFYING - We are so surprised that the stupid thing works.

8. THE ENTIRE CONCEPT WILL HAVE TO BE ABANDONED - The only person who understood the thing quit.

9. IT IS IN THE PROCESS - It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is about hopeless.

10. WE WILL LOOK INTO IT - Forget it! We have enough problems for now.

11. PLEASE NOTE AND INITIAL - Let's spread the responsibility for the screw up.

12. GIVE US THE BENEFIT OF YOUR THINKING - We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with what we've already done.

13. GIVE US YOUR INTERPRETATION - I can't wait to hear this bull!

14. SEE ME or LET'S DISCUSS - Come into my office, I'm lonely.

15. ALL NEW - Parts not interchangeable with the previous design.

16. RUGGED - Too damn heavy to lift!

17. SORRY BUT I WASN'T INVOLVED IN THAT AREA- Not my ****ing problem mate.

18. YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - One finally worked.

19. ENERGY SAVING - Achieved when the power switch is off.

20. LOW MAINTENANCE - Impossible to fix if broken.

[stev123]

Oh, end you're an aerospace engineer....sweet! I'm a pilot, what company do you work for, and what school did you graduate at?

[HeartIsAching]

If said anything else, we wouldn't have gotten to where we are today.

At first I didn't think that he would make much of it, since we are this far into our relationship.

Sooo... your entire relationship is built on the foundation of a lie, and now he's found about it. The foundation's gone and you're wondering why the house is falling down.

Should he be that insecure??? No, but you knew he was and lied to him about it.

[stev123]

I graduate this year.

I have a employment contract lined up a defence company for next year.

But a pilot, has nothing to do with Engineering. You just push buttons that we designed lol.

Right, what company and which school? I have a lot of friends who are at universities in America

[stev123]

Haha, okay man...keep dreaming - we all get there

[bcgirl]

You and the hubby are nut cases and I am concerned about the nut case environment your children are growing up in.
First off, why the eff did you lie to him when you knew that he wanted to marry only a virgin? You obviously didn't foresee your husband running into an old boyfriend but karma is a bitch. And why the heck didn't you see red flags when your hubby who is a non-virgin expects to marry a virgin? He obviously doesn't see women as being equal to men. It's obvious when he brings a hooker to your own home and fu(ks her while you feed your daughter (absolute no respect for women, his daughter included) you should have called parent services at that point to report the he is an unfit dad bringing home hookers while daughter is home but of course you are mentally ill and don't give a sh!t that your daughter just met a hooker in her own home. Good luck in him finding a virgin at this day and age, he'll be creeping in elementary schools.
As for stopping the divorce, you can't. You have no right to contact him based on the law...it's called harassment remember?

[michelle23]

Id run a mile from a bloke in this day and age who wants to marry a virgin. That is a sure sign of NPD. That was a warning sign OP 8 years ago. You should never have married him. You shouldnt have lied either but there is no excuse for how he is behaving now. He is out of order and you need to stop being so damn nice to him.

If you really want your marriage to work then the best advice I can give you is to pack your bags while hes at work and leave with your child. Turn off your phone and disappear. Take her on a holiday for a few days and tell a friend to let him know that you will be in touch about custody and access for his daughter in a few days. Ask a friend or relative can you stay with them for awhile and don't contact him for at least 4 days. Let him sweat and worry where you are and what your doing. Then you can contact him and just say "when would you like to see your daughter and spend some time with her" and say you will get someone to drop her to him and collect her. Sit and wait patiently, act like you really dont care and bide your time until he comes running to you, begging you to work things out. Then you must absolutely refuse to go back to him unless you can get marriage counselling.

I am not saying it will work. His mind could be made up that it is 100% over but that is your only option to try and get him back. The longer he thinks you will always be there waiting for him-the more he will drag this out and make you suffer so you need to show him that you are not waiting around for him to finish his tantrum like a spoiled little brat. It may shock him into reality and he may realize he has gone too far this time

[bcgirl]

For him a non-virgin is a deal breaker. Sure that may seem extremely crazy to some, but that's him. To others, dating a bisexual is a deal-breaker, to each his own. The fact that the OP has lead him to believe she was not who she really was is vindictive considering she knew his deal-breakers.
The fact that the OP has no issues with her husband bringing hookers home shows an extreme lack of self respect. The husband is a spoiled brat who has all the control in the marriage. She is a weak personality who tries to conform to anything the husband tells her. Not healthy for the daughter. Best is the husband leaves her forever, finds his 30 yr old virgin who would be a red-headed 300 pound anti-socialite (because we all can just picture what a 30+ y/o virgin would look like) and marries and have ugly babies.

[Am I crazy?]

"If you really want your marriage to work then the best advice I can give you is to pack your bags while hes at work and leave with your child. Turn off your phone and disappear. Take her on a holiday for a few days and tell a friend to let him know that you will be in touch about custody and access for his daughter in a few days. Ask a friend or relative can you stay with them for awhile and don't contact him for at least 4 days. Let him sweat and worry where you are and what your doing. Then you can contact him and just say "when would you like to see your daughter and spend some time with her" and say you will get someone to drop her to him and collect her. Sit and wait patiently, act like you really dont care and bide your time until he comes running to you, begging you to work things out. Then you must absolutely refuse to go back to him unless you can get marriage counselling."

Do not follow this advice until you have conferred with an attorney. This is the kind of stuff that I am referring to in earlier posts. This advice could have legal ramifications if he decides to claim that you have kidnapped his child or are restricting contact, even for a day or two. Again, if you are reading this, sign off and seek professional legal advice.

[Am I crazy?]

Seriously, get legal advice before you do anything. In some places just packing up your stuff and leaving the home can impact your rights in a divorce if there is no threat of physical harm. As crazy as it sounds he could claim abandonment. Again, I can not stress enough how important it is to not follow the advice from hobbyists and seek professional advice.