She does not love me anymore but still cares for me

[Pein]

Hi,

I was together with my girlfriend for 3 months but out of the blue she broke up with me. According to her she realized in the 8 days I was gone to visit my parents in another country that she does not have that love feeling anymore. When I got back she was a bit more distant and on the last day before holidays we talked about this as I wanted to find out what was wrong. She ended up telling me that she does not have that feeling for me that she once had but still really cares for me. On numerous occasions she told me that I don't deserve this as I am an amazing person and she wishes that she could love me. She wants to really stay in contact as I mean a lot to her but now she has gone to the US for the holidays. The plan was that I would visit her in the US, and I was looking forward to this so much. Now after breaking up we have talked numerous times on messages and called her once to try and see if she had changed her mind but she hasn't. Almost a week has passed so I am hoping that she will still regret it and ask us to give it another try. Now I was thinking that I would go surprise her in the US in about 6 weeks with limited contact until then and take her out and try and see if she gets that spark back that she eventually fell for. She is really an amazing person and that is why I don't want to give up now. I just dont know what my chances are when she said that she doesnt feel the love anymore but still cares for me and I'm an amazing person?

I was going to the US anyways to visit family so I thought I could stop by in her city for 2-3 days and see what I can do as after the holidays we will be studying at the same college again. I really want to plan something special like a dinner on the beach the first or second night. I want to give it my best to fight for this women. I care so much about her. Any opinions in attempting to get her back?

[Pein]

Hi,

I was together with my girlfriend for 3 months but out of the blue she broke up with me. According to her she realized in the 8 days I was gone to visit my parents in another country that she does not have that love feeling anymore. When I got back she was a bit more distant and on the last day before holidays we talked about this as I wanted to find out what was wrong. She ended up telling me that she does not have that feeling for me that she once had but still really cares for me. On numerous occasions she told me that I don't deserve this as I am an amazing person and she wishes that she could love me. She wants to really stay in contact as I mean a lot to her but now she has gone to the US for the holidays. The plan was that I would visit her in the US, and I was looking forward to this so much. Now after breaking up we have talked numerous times on messages and called her once to try and see if she had changed her mind but she hasn't. Almost a week has passed so I am hoping that she will still regret it and ask us to give it another try. Now I was thinking that I would go surprise her in the US in about 6 weeks with limited contact until then and take her out and try and see if she gets that spark back that she eventually fell for. She is really an amazing person and that is why I don't want to give up now. I just dont know what my chances are when she said that she doesnt feel the love anymore but still cares for me and I'm an amazing person?

I was going to the US anyways to visit family so I thought I could stop by in her city for 2-3 days and see what I can do as after the holidays we will be studying at the same college again. I really want to plan something special like a dinner on the beach the first or second night. I want to give it my best to fight for this women. I care so much about her. Any opinions in attempting to get her back?

It should also be noted that we never had a fight. I thought it was perfect between us until i came back after the 8 days.

[basilandthyme]

I'm sorry you are hurting so much - but surprising her in the US sounds kind of stalkerish to me. Besides, what will you do if you arrive to surprise her and she's with another guy? It's entirely possible.

The problem with chasing her is that you're demonstrating a lack of respect for what she wants. And if you're demonstrating a lack of respect, she won't want to come back, will she.

My best advice is to go No Contact. Tell her that you can't be friends because it hurts too much. She may end up missing you and come back to you - or she may move on. But seriously, it's your best shot. And if she doesn't come back, the No Contact will give you time to heal.

Lastly, good relationships don't need to be fought for.

[Pein]

I'm sorry you are hurting so much - but surprising her in the US sounds kind of stalkerish to me. Besides, what will you do if you arrive to surprise her and she's with another guy? It's entirely possible.

The problem with chasing her is that you're demonstrating a lack of respect for what she wants. And if you're demonstrating a lack of respect, she won't want to come back, will she.

My best advice is to go No Contact. Tell her that you can't be friends because it hurts too much. She may end up missing you and come back to you - or she may move on. But seriously, it's your best shot. And if she doesn't come back, the No Contact will give you time to heal.

Lastly, good relationships don't need to be fought for.

I know for a fact that she wouldn't be with another guy since she would not do things with anyone in such a short time frame, besides she is coming back to study after summer and she wouldn't go into a long distance relationship. I know she really cares for me and has told me this, and started crying when when I told her that it will be very hard for me to just be friends.

The problem at college is that we see each other around campus every day and go out to similar places every weekend.Its going to be very hard.

You have a point with showing lack of respect, but I thought that she might value how much I would do for her and this might change her mind? It would be around 6 weeks before I would see her afterall, besides she told me what an amazing person I am and she would wish for herself that she could fall in love with me again.Leaving each other was pretty hard following the breakup just before she had to go to the airport. I therefore think that I might have a shot but if you don't think that a surprise in the US would be effective then I would have to scrap the idea

[Pein]

Does anyone have further input ?

[michelle23]

3 months is nothing mate. dont dwell on it. i know it hurts right now but if you cut all contact with her-you should get over her within a month.

3months is not enough tie to fall in love. its just infatuation and it will pass. its her loss-

[dickriculous]

She's done with you. Her going on about how you don't deserve this, you're so amazing, she wishes she could love you and she cares about you etc and so forth is all just because she doesn't have the heart to be blunt, for your own good you have to learn to stop taking it as anything more than that.

[IndiReloaded]

She's done with you. Her going on about how you don't deserve this, you're so amazing, she wishes she could love you and she cares about you etc and so forth is all just because she doesn't have the heart to be blunt, for your own good you have to learn to stop taking it as anything more than that.

WTF does ^this mean? "I wish I could love you?" is very lame to say to someone.

[dickriculous]

It can mean one of two things.

1) I don't want to be with you but I want to let you down easy.

or

2) I don't want to be with you but I want you to think there's a chance of us being together so I can keep you showering me with attention and holding up my pedestal with the empty hopes of us ever getting back together.

[IndiReloaded]

It's a cowards way out, either one. 2) is just evil.

[IndiReloaded]

According to her she realized in the 8 days I was gone to visit my parents in another country that she does not have that love feeling anymore.

I care so much about her. Any opinions in attempting to get her back?

Okay Pein, its a lazy Sunday am so I'll give you something else to consider. Either for this gal or the next:

The early stages of a relationship require sustained interaction to make the initial hormone rush "stick". There is science behind this. Your going away for that week caused her to come down from the chemical 'high' of your initial attraction. It happens. It's unlikely to come back unless you could really hustle for her in person for a sustained amount of time, and only if you really think the two of you are truly compatible. And if only she believes the same thing. It has to come from both of you.

I went through something similar with my SO, who travels a lot and happened to be doing a long trip around the 3 month mark for us also. I considered breaking up with him, but my reasons were that I wasn't that long out of a long, difficult relationship and I was afraid of how strong our connection was. I missed him so much while we were apart that it was distracting me from other things in my life. In short, it was terrifying to feel that way.

We communicated. We got really honest, really fast, with each other about what was happening and how we were both feeling. This is the key to getting past these kinds of relationship humps. Turned out he was going just as crazy as I was with the distance. He changed his schedule to be back in town to break up the time apart. The fact I understood the science of what was going on also helped. I was blunt with him that we needed to be spending time together and why, so he made it happen.

I hope this helps. Occams Razor says that she has simply lost interest in you and doesn't feel the same way. But I've shared some of my story just in case what you have is something more than what I suspect it is. You seem really sincere about this gal. Good luck.

[Pein]

Okay Pein, its a lazy Sunday am so I'll give you something else to consider. Either for this gal or the next:

The early stages of a relationship require sustained interaction to make the initial hormone rush "stick". There is science behind this. Your going away for that week caused her to come down from the chemical 'high' of your initial attraction. It happens. It's unlikely to come back unless you could really hustle for her in person for a sustained amount of time, and only if you really think the two of you are truly compatible. And if only she believes the same thing. It has to come from both of you.

I went through something similar with my SO, who travels a lot and happened to be doing a long trip around the 3 month mark for us also. I considered breaking up with him, but my reasons were that I wasn't that long out of a long, difficult relationship and I was afraid of how strong our connection was. I missed him so much while we were apart that it was distracting me from other things in my life. In short, it was terrifying to feel that way.

We communicated. We got really honest, really fast, with each other about what was happening and how we were both feeling. This is the key to getting past these kinds of relationship humps. Turned out he was going just as crazy as I was with the distance. He changed his schedule to be back in town to break up the time apart. The fact I understood the science of what was going on also helped. I was blunt with him that we needed to be spending time together and why, so he made it happen.

I hope this helps. Occams Razor says that she has simply lost interest in you and doesn't feel the same way. But I've shared some of my story just in case what you have is something more than what I suspect it is. You seem really sincere about this gal. Good luck.

I really appreciate your input and really understand what you are saying. In my case it seems like there are external factors such as she was supposed to study during summer however something family related came in the way and she could no longer stay. I was supposed to stay with her but its understandable if she has to sort out her personal family related life first so I didnt expect to stay there after I found out about this.To me it seems like its too much pressure on her to sort out her own life there and keeping the relationship especially since we will be apart for a while. Is this a reason to break up? No it isn't if you ask me but I respect if she needs some space and needs to sort out her things. Now I thought about just visiting the city for 2-3 days to see her before flying further to my final destination and I would obviously stay in a hotel. A short stay would be enough for me so I could at least see her. If I dont do this then I wont see her for two months which is a very long time seeing that i havent seen her for a month already. i just dont know if this would be a wise move and if I should rather wait till we are back studying together.

[toyboy]

that means you are like a brother to her now