How to tell my parents my girlfriend is older than me - 20 years older?

[AnotherJake]

I need help. So a little back ground, I've been into older women for as long as I can remember, I even remember finding the lady running the preschool I went to pretty, through Elementary school some teachers I had I found extremely attractive as well as through middle, high school and some college as well. I've dated a few older women, it's been great, fallen in love, fallen out of love... I've tried girls my age too, by the way I'm 22. I've tried girls my age but the ones I've met are just so vapid, self absorbed and I just don't find them attractive.

Before you say it, no I don't have mommy issues, I have both parents and we get along great so I don't think it's that. I find that up till now and through school I was a lot more mature than my peers.

So anyways, I met someone online, we clicked, within a few weeks of talking she flew from Arizona to Washington to see me, we spent a few days together (best of my life) and she went home, we continued talking for a little. I quit my job and took a month long college course, the course had 2 sections with a week in between so I went to see her between that time (now the new best days of my life) I came home, we talked more, day and night, I took my second course and when that finished I went back for a longer time, it just feels so right being with her.

I come back home and say I'm going to move to Arizona to be with her, that was almost a month ago, I'll be moving to Arizona on the 19th. I've already got the car insurance figured out, she's flying to Portland to meet me for the drive (I wanted to drive a little myself) I already kinda have a job lined up there, I'm all set to go, just waiting to leave..

Now my problem, what's causing the most amount of stress since her and I have been together.

When she came here I said I was meeting someone (btw, I still live with my parents and have never really brought a girl home, I've always gone to them, I'm kind of a private person and I'm not sure how they'd feel about me being in relationships with women 20 +/- years older than me) So when I told my parents I was going to meet a girl I told them she was 25, they were really excited for me. They're still under the impression that she's 25, I just don't know how to tell them. They know I'm attracted to older women, the weather lady on the local news, Katherine Zeta Jones, etc etc. I was speaking to a woman in London for a year and a half and was planning on going to see her and my parents knew of her and her age, I don't think they were too happy about it but they knew of it.

I just don't know how to tell them now, I know I'll just get loads of grief about it until I leave and they'll (my mom especially) will make it her life's goal to keep me from going. I really think they would like her if they met her, I want them to meet her but it's just scary for me. I feel like a p*ssy, and a bad son and pretty much every sh*tty feeling you could feel, it's depressing me and stressing me out, I don't know what to do. And it's not only the fact that she's 42, she has 3 kids, and one of them is older than I am. None of this bothers me either.

What I think my parents will say is that she's taking advantage of me, a young guy to latch on to, to try to take my money because she can't handle things on her own, what's her problem, why is she divorced, I'm throwing my life away etc etc. Anything you could come up with is what they would think or say. And I know none of those are true.

They have seen pictures of her, she looks young but I thought they would have questioned if she was actually 25, I get the impression they are at least a little skeptical about it. It's so hard to make up lie after lie about things, like things she's done in her life that I have to squish into a shorter time frame of 25 years I just don't know how to tell them. I was thinking about telling them when I get there, maybe a few weeks or months in telling them that I'm madly in love with her, happier than I've ever been, that I am so sorry that I didn't tell them before and felt horrible about it but didn't think they would really understand, or something along those lines...

If anyone has any suggestions I would be so grateful, I hope there's no judgement but understand if there is, just understand that I am so incredibly happy and this feels as right as anything ever could. If you've spent the time to read, thank you.

[searock]

What I think my parents will say is that she's taking advantage of me, a young guy to latch on to, to try to take my money because she can't handle things on her own

Wouldn't it be the other way around? The younger person trying to take advantage of the older one? I doubt you are wealthy at only 22 (unless you have family money), so at least they wouldn't be saying that about her..?

Anyway, bottom line is, you're an adult and your choices are your own. You say they are supportive parents, so even if they will nag a bit in the beginning (what parent doesn't :-)), they will eventually accept it and be happy to meet her, once they see how happy you are to be with her. They still see you as their little child, but they need to accept that you're a grown man now, and that you are able to take responsibility for your decisions.

[bcgirl]

Don't care what age you are, Catherine zeta jones is hot. Anywho, I worry about the sanity of a woman 20 years older than her 20 yr old bf.

[VincenzoG91]

Get your parents to watch the movie Harold and Maude with you. Then break the news.

[Wakeup]

I think its funny that you're worried about telling your mother that you're doing someone that could be your mother. I think a 'Hi Mom, I've arrived safely and oh, by the way she's much older so I'm saving up for future cosmetic surgery for her. Love ya, bye for now." Wait until you know she's not home so you can leave a voice mail.

Just how long was it from the time you "clicked" until you decided to move in with your cougar, Jake?

[Starnique]

Hmmm. I always wonder about women who date younger men. Besides maybe getting a good **** but other then that, why? They seem issued to me. Im 25 and 22 is too young for me. But to each its own.

[bcgirl]

A woman at age 40 can look hot. Once a woman hits 50, her looks are def taking a toll. And women in her 60's?
You'll be 40 while she is 60. You'll be 50 while she is 70. You'll be 60 while she is 80.

[Wakeup]

Hmmm. I always wonder about women who date younger men. Besides maybe getting a good **** but other then that, why? They seem issued to me. Im 25 and 22 is too young for me. But to each its own.

I wonder if Op's first encounter was with a woman of some kind of authority that took advantage of him? Just wondering.

[Emereldess]

I was thinking about telling them when I get there, maybe a few weeks or months in telling them that I'm madly in love with her, happier than I've ever been, that I am so sorry that I didn't tell them before and felt horrible about it but didn't think they would really understand, or something along those lines...

This is how I told my parents about my bf too, lol I am also 22 like you, and my bf happens to be 42, like your girlfriend I am reading this thread and just want to tell you that you may not get the advice you seek here, as lots of opinions given are, I find, one-sided and closed minded. However if I can give you any advice, it is to follow your gut instinct. My parents were not impressed with the age, but they were happy to finally see me at my happiest, and since meeting my bf they have warmed up to him lots. Honesty is the best policy, but remember that what they don't know also will not hurt them, for now. If you think you will be happy with her and this is worth it, go for it and see how it is for you. Then when you know this is a stable, happy thing for you, just open right up to your parents and say "okay here's the truth, ... this is why i did't tell you,... yadda yadda" and I am sure they will understand from there, especially if they are as supportive as you say they are.

Take good care and I wish you the best of luck

[Emereldess]

I wonder if Op's first encounter was with a woman of some kind of authority that took advantage of him? Just wondering.

Sorry to jump on you, wakeup, but I just want to ask if that is really any of your business....? Just because there's an age difference doesn't mean that everyone that enters such relationships have histories of abuse... You sound like you are very knowledgeable since I've read many of your comments and tips to people, but a comment like this or your previous one on this thread doesn't really help the OP or make anything better. Not trying to burst your bubble lol but just saying

[Wakeup]

Didn't say it does mean everyone In May/December romances were abused. I'm just wondering if what I was wondering about was his experience.

I'm still wondering. I guess If he wants to answer he will. If he doesn't want to then HE won't. Same with the first question about how long he's been with her before he decided to move out to live with her.

[Starnique]

This is how I told my parents about my bf too, lol I am also 22 like you, and my bf happens to be 42, like your girlfriend I am reading this thread and just want to tell you that you may not get the advice you seek here, as lots of opinions given are, I find, one-sided and closed minded. However if I can give you any advice, it is to follow your gut instinct. My parents were not impressed with the age, but they were happy to finally see me at my happiest, and since meeting my bf they have warmed up to him lots. Honesty is the best policy, but remember that what they don't know also will not hurt them, for now. If you think you will be happy with her and this is worth it, go for it and see how it is for you. Then when you know this is a stable, happy thing for you, just open right up to your parents and say "okay here's the truth, ... this is why i did't tell you,... yadda yadda" and I am sure they will understand from there, especially if they are as supportive as you say they are.

Take good care and I wish you the best of luck

Excuse you. You are 22. Its obvious why your boyfriend wants you and why you want him. It is very off to me that an older woman would want a "kid". I'm 25 and that's young for me. I just don't see why that would be appealing or what he could do for you. An older woman with a man that young is obviously going through an identity crisis and most of the time wish they can be young. I, myself like guys older then me even though I learned that a man can still be full of shit, no matter what age. People say age is nothing but a number but in between those years is a lot of maturity factors and growth and development. As my mother told me, she is in her 40's and she said that when she was my age 25 or whatever, she was way different. She don't even know who that chic is anymore, as she would say. Women mature faster then guys and I cant imagine being in my 40's and dating a guy that young. The Cougars looks stupid.

[Emereldess]

*Sigh*

Good luck OP. Don't take any of the garbage posts to heart k, some people just don't know what they're talking about.

And wakeup, your response to my comment was way better, that's how you should be asking your questions in the first place. Rude remarks wrapped in questions still sting right. He is simply asking advice...

[Starnique]

No, I am clearly more advanced then you. I know these things. YOU don't know what you're talking about. I'm not being mean to you. I'm just very blunt and I'm stating the obvious.

Just because someone doesn't agree with you or give you the answer you're looking for doesn't mean they don't know what their talking about. You saying that speaks high about your maturity level. I agree, some people don't and that's obvious as well.

[Wakeup]

*Sigh*

Good luck OP. Don't take any of the garbage posts to heart k, some people just don't know what they're talking about.

And wakeup, your response to my comment was way better, that's how you should be asking your questions in the first place. Rude remarks wrapped in questions still sting right. He is simply asking advice...

You know what would really be better. Is if you and the Op were a couple.