Is it just me...

[homefry]

Is it just me or is everyone on this forum pretty cynical, pessimistic and bitter? From the treads that I've read, doesn't feel like anyone has anything optimistic thing to say or point of view. Mostly all negative and very defensive advice. Curious on how many people on this forum have been cheated on... is that why there's such a negative out-lash?

[Valixy]

Hmm...I suppose the comments may sound harsh to many posters but when there's a genuine situation described, the comments are in general pretty much true, even if they are not what the poster expects most of the time.

I had a problem last year and I wrote on a forum... Five ladies replied to me, they all sounded pretty mature and experienced and while I appreciated their comments, I didn't really enjoy them or believed them to be right. A few months later they proved to be spot on...

[okwhat2013]

Yes!! Most people come here because they were hurt, why else come to such a forum. Try asking about someone you like who is already taken? Hahaha

[searock]

Yes!! Most people come here because they were hurt, why else come to such a forum. Try asking about someone you like who is already taken? Hahaha

Well what answer would you expect? They are taken, so obviously you should stop thinking about them and move on... textbook situation.

[Valixy]

Not everyone is hurt. Some people are really well intentioned and have learnt something important about relationships in their lives that they can share.

[basilandthyme]

There are times when I advise a poster to try a different strategy with a view being more successful in a given situation. A lot of the time, I advise that "this is who your partner is, you can either accept it or move on"

But a lot of the time, by the time the poster is so desperate as to post on a forum, the relationship is clearly unsuitable

[Am I crazy?]

The problem is there are some very opinionated and biased people here that all problems can be handled based upon their own self perceived perfect advice. The best advice given is no advice at all. If you really want to help somebody the best approach is to try to get them to work out the problem themselves through their own thought processes. Most of the advice offered here is rooted in anger people have pent up from their own failed relationships and quite frankly a lot of it is just plain piss poor advice.

[homefry]

The problem is there are some very opinionated and biased people here that all problems can be handled based upon their own self perceived perfect advice. The best advice given is no advice at all. If you really want to help somebody the best approach is to try to get them to work out the problem themselves through their own thought processes. Most of the advice offered here is rooted in anger people have pent up from their own failed relationships and quite frankly a lot of it is just plain piss poor advice.

Best advice I've read yet! Most of the angry advices I have seen has been from women. Probably due to some man who has done them wrong in the past. They jump to the worst case scenario conclusion, never seeing another possibility. Other forums I have posted on, has had mixed advices. That shed more light on to the situation and has provided me with more insightful and descriptive responses. Curious, why are you on this forum?

[searock]

Just because you don't like the advice you are given, or don't like the form in which it is presented to you, doesn't mean that the person(s) who wrote it has been hurt in the past or whatever.

A possible explanation for the dryness/harshness of some of the responses is that we get different people asking the same questions over and over again, so after a while we find it pointless to sugar coat the obvious answers and jump straight to the point.

Me personally, I first came on this forum when dealing with a male friend of mine who had developed an unhealthy obsession over me (he was psychologically ill, medically diagnosed). So... nothing that hurt me or anything. I just wanted to know how to detach myself from him without him attempting suicide again.

[basilandthyme]

frankly a lot of it is just plain piss poor advice.

Of course, if a poster wants advice of a professional standard - they can pay for the help of a professional. Frankly, I think I lot of posters could do with a bit of professional help in one form or another.

[homefry]

Of course, if a poster wants advice of a professional standard - they can pay for the help of a professional. Frankly, I think I lot of posters could do with a bit of professional help in one form or another.

Of course, professional advice is preferred. But who can afford it? That's why we're all complaining on here.

[Am I crazy?]

I came here originally seeking some input on some things going on in my life. I was amazed at how some of the responses I got were overly judgmental and accusatory. There was no gray area open for discussion with some of these people and they were not really interested in my thoughts on my situation, just their own bias. Then, as days passed I kept coming back and as I read more and more comments by some of the same people I began to realize just how inexperienced and clueless some of the people passing off their version of good advice really are. I pretty much just check back in for the entertainment factor of it all now and offer up my opinions when I think its appropriate. Funny thing is, I am a married guy who has been with the same woman for 23 years, never cheated nor plan to, have lots of practical real world relationship experience, and yet I am one of the most hated men on this site. I have lived what I speak and that just plain pisses off the inexperienced who speak what they have not lived. Oh well, they will learn..... eventually.

[searock]

I am a married guy who has been with the same woman for 23 years, never cheated

Well you are actually cheating on your wife right now, emotionally. The advice you were given was to stop communicating so much with the woman you have a crush on and to educate yourself on emotional affairs within marriage and how to avoid them. OR, to leave your wife to pursue the other woman. For those who are interested, here is the thread: http://www.loveforum.net/threads/80301-Am-I-crazy

[dickriculous]

It depends on the post being responded to. A lot of people come here asking crazy shit like "he/she beats me, is an alcoholic, lives with their mom, has no money, is 25 years older than me, always screams at me when I did nothing wrong, and is diagnosed with bipolar, bpd, and schizophrenia. How do I save him/her and transform them into a loving partner that will cherish me?" Those questions will get negative replies from anyone in their right mind. What you seem to think is "cynical, negative, etc" is just reality being presented in a way that does not sugarcoat.

If I respond harshly it's because I don't feel that a gentle approach will help the OP, I feel like that is more enabling than it is being helpful, which will only exacerbate the poster's problems. Look at the way people reply when you try to be gentle.

Asker: xxx happened how can I get him back?

Us: Sorry but you can't, best thing to do is to try to move on.

Asker: No, that's not what I asked! The question is HOW DO I GET HIM BACK!!?? What if I do a, b, and c in that exact sequence with the right timing, that's sure to get him back right?

Us: Sorry but no, nothing will get him back after the way things ended, he's no good for you anyway. He hurt you just as much as you hurt him, you have to move on, it's the only thing that's good for either one of you.

Asker: But he said he loved me just earlier that day when we broke up! There's no way he doesn't want me back! We're going to work things out but I need better advice than this, how do I salvage the relationship? If you actually got to know him you wouldn't be saying any of this, he's a great guy and he loves me!



In this situation, being nice has exactly a zero percent chance of getting through to the poster. And situations like this, or different situations with the same level of stubbornness and refusal to accept the truth come up ALL THE FUKKING TIME here. This is probably the most repetitive forum on the web, which is why it's been gradually dying for as long as I can remember.

Now, realistically being harsh won't get through all that well either, but at least then you're not being an enabler to the asker's stubbornness and delusion.

Also, when I see posts like "I spat in his face and he left me, why would he overreact like that?! What a baby" or "I scream at him when he does absolutely nothing wrong and he stopped talking to me, how could he be such a childish jerk?!" The asker is most likely a troll who's just trying to stir up a shit storm, are we being negative and cynical if we don't fall for it?

[michelle23]

i dont think any of the advice here is given in anger. some people need a reality check. many people have not liked my blunt advice but have come back to me a few weeks or a month later saying "you were right" and ask for more advice.

if you do something morally wrong such as cheating then you gotta accept responsibility for it and im not gonna pat your back, wipe your tears or say "there there" or feel sorry for you.

its pointless coming to an advice forum just to be told what you want to hear so you can continue on feeling sorry for yourself believing your right and everyone else is wrong.

i cant stand people who wallow in self-pity, who are all talk and no action, who bitch and whine but do nothing to change their unhappy situation.

its s**t or get off the pot