your definition of cheating??

[smackie9]

ive already done that and feel better right now. just afraid something else will trigger ocd and ill start resrarching again like a nutcase.

his friend is working abroad and came home yesterday and was telling us what some of his married colleagues get up to out there. thats what triggered me today and i started researching like crazy again

Well if this is the case, you do need some professional help. Just my 2 cents.

[stev123]

maybe you should light some candles, run the bath, call your boyfriend and enjoy yourself? that would probably work.

[toknow]

To me, cheating is anything you would not be comfortable doing *IN FRONT OF* your partner.

Good point.

[smackie9]

If you do it in secret that means you shouldn't be doing it.

[confusednow]

thanks guys. i just need to let my fears go and enjoy what we have. unless he goes through some seriously crazy changes over the next 20 years-the chances of him cheating are slim. hes the most loyal person i no so i really do need to stop this.

think i will throw on some sexy lingerie, lite some candles, give him a massage and get rid of some of this pent up energy in a constructive way.

another thing though? since i started having these fears-my sex drive has gone v high. it was always normal before and weve always had a healthy sex life but now id happily do it twice a day. is that bad? my drive is a lot higher than his these past months.

im just worried it may be a coping mechanism for stress

[toknow]

confusednow, be careful. Because thoughts can be very powerful and you can promote a self fulfilling prophesy.

On the other hand, there might be a reason why you're feeling that way. Subconsciously we pick up on things that, consciously we can't.

Note also that when things look too good to be true, this reaction might be triggered automatically. Your response to it is to not believe things can be that good. You have to believe, they can be this good and they will be.

[smackie9]

thanks guys. i just need to let my fears go and enjoy what we have. unless he goes through some seriously crazy changes over the next 20 years-the chances of him cheating are slim. hes the most loyal person i no so i really do need to stop this.

think i will throw on some sexy lingerie, lite some candles, give him a massage and get rid of some of this pent up energy in a constructive way.

another thing though? since i started having these fears-my sex drive has gone v high. it was always normal before and weve always had a healthy sex life but now id happily do it twice a day. is that bad? my drive is a lot higher than his these past months.

im just worried it may be a coping mechanism for stress

Sounds like a shift in hormones. Pregnant?

[confusednow]

no but i did come off the pill just before all this began and i was grieving fairly bad for about two years and all this began just after the grief faded. i felt great for a week and then all this hit me.

also i was wondering while i was grieving if we should break up-having some doubts about us and one day i snapped outa it and realized how much i love him.

its a combination of loadsa things

[confusednow]

im back on the pill now though the last few months

[confusednow]

confusednow, be careful. Because thoughts can be very powerful and you can promote a self fulfilling prophesy.

can you explain in more detail what you mean by that please?

[confusednow]

sometimes i think i was just so numb for so long after relatives died and forgot what normal emotions feel like and now im kinda overwhelmed by them struggling to get back to normal.

i also feel kinda infatuated by him again coz i was emotionally unavailable for awhile and forgot what it feels like to be so in love.

i go from extreme happieness and affection, all over him like a rash and a little obsessed to withdrawn and distant and i also go from being really positive, loving life, family, friends, appreciating all i have one day to feeling very fed up and sad the next day. i also get restless, fidgety and bored easily

its a little extreme but on the surface i appear calm and fine to others, its on the inside i feel volatile

[Am I crazy?]

Definition of cheating= getting caught, lol. No seriously the definition is basically the same as knowing the difference from what is right and wrong. Going to a strip club with the guys is not cheating. Getting a lap dance could be borderline depending on the possible insecurities of your partner but is not cheating in my opinion. Getting a sexual favor at the club that ends in a "happy ending" is taking it a bit too far.

[Wakeup]

sometimes i think i was just so numb for so long after relatives died and forgot what normal emotions feel like and now im kinda overwhelmed by them struggling to get back to normal.

i also feel kinda infatuated by him again coz i was emotionally unavailable for awhile and forgot what it feels like to be so in love.

i go from extreme happieness and affection, all over him like a rash and a little obsessed to withdrawn and distant and i also go from being really positive, loving life, family, friends, appreciating all i have one day to feeling very fed up and sad the next day. i also get restless, fidgety and bored easily

its a little extreme but on the surface i appear calm and fine to others, its on the inside i feel volatile

No offence but are you Bi-polar (manic/depressive)? Have you been diagnosed? I almost said something about that when you said you were overly-sexual lately and it brought to mind "hyper-sexuality" which is a state that many BP's go through during "manic" episodes. I'm no expert but I do like to read.

[confusednow]

ill look up the symptoms but i doubt it. im very good at holding myself together most days. wouldnt i be out of control if i was bipolar?

im find 95% of the time and im quite calm and rational and very good at keeping my emotions under control externally. its just on the inside i feel this way and not everyday. maybe once or twice a week, sometimes less though

[confusednow]

Definition of cheating= getting caught, lol. No seriously the definition is basically the same as knowing the difference from what is right and wrong. Going to a strip club with the guys is not cheating. Getting a lap dance could be borderline depending on the possible insecurities of your partner but is not cheating in my opinion. Getting a sexual favor at the club that ends in a "happy ending" is taking it a bit too far.

if you came home one day and your partner was naked bouncing all over a man would you consider that cheating even if she said its okay he paid me $20. men have such double standards