should i dump my girlfriend or talk it out?

[VincenzoG91]

Here's a possible option, if you really want to stay with her:

You tell her that you will get over this and be happy with her again as long as she; sits down right beside you, and sends a text to this guy in plain view for you to see, saying that she AND you are not comfortable with him texting her anymore, and that from hereon it stops. Stay with her for at least a couple hours so you can be there to catch his response to it and advise her again on a closure text if need be.

You probably think that's crazy, and yes I can understand why. But if she truly loves you(?) she will do it for you, and it will settle your mind lots. Perhaps just bring up this idea and see what her reaction to it is?

Maybe later, when clintbow isn't around, she will send this other guy a text apologizing for the previous text, and affirming that they can hook up after he is single. Her single status is apparently optional for that deal.

[VincenzoG91]

Look i have to take both you sides, I think her response was a jab at him, like "**** you you are in a relationship don't be a pig" but the way she phrased it is WRONG and you have a very real right to be upset.

I don't really know how well you two communicate but definitely at least attempt to talk it out.

When you put it like that, I guess I can see that her text might have been dismissive to the other guy. But it still looks bad that she is still exchanging texts with a guy that she had sex with before her current relationship.

EDIT: Texting is a poor medium for sarcasm. It's also possible that she was being sarcastic and dismissive to the other guy, but he could interpret it as her willing being ready to cheat with him as soon as he is single.

[Wakeup]

" get at me when your single "

What a twat.

[Wakeup]

so i talked to her...she said it was wrong and she should have told me and that she did consider it but she didnt and she does love me and wants to be with me

Yea, until he's single.

it sucks..i mean she has told me point blank she loves me and cares about me yet she cant tell this guy to leave her alone?

Yea, she loves you... until he's single, that is.

[smackie9]

If I was truly in love with someone, I wouldn't have any interest in talking with a guy I used to sleep with.

[michelle23]

obviously it was wrong for me to go through her phone but her blaming it on me? saying i wouldnt have known if i didnt snoop? wow

Her getting defensive and angry that you looked through her phone is a sign of GUILT! If she had nothing to hide, she wouldn't really care. If my bf looked through my phone, I wouldn't give a toss coz I wouldn't have anything to hide.

And please ignore backups advice about cheating on her. Two wrongs don't make it right. Just be the bigger person and walk away

[clintbow]

you all are gonna hate me but i decided to stay with her

she told me she really didnt mean it to him and that she agrees i should be mad and she is sorry for it.

[TablesandChairs]

lol Clint, this is an advice forum, if anyone is going to 'hate' you for deciding to stay with your partner then their issues are way bigger than your own.

Good for you and good luck.

[Wakeup]

Oh I don't have any emotion for your choice, Clint (hate is an emotion) but I will ask: Is she going to block and delete him from all means of contact or is she just sorry (and that's good enough for you) and you're suppose let her continue to flirt and keep a back up guy for when she feels you're not exciting anymore or when you and her break up?.. which you will eventually no doubt. You don't trust her which is one of the corner stones, the foundation for a long lasting, stress free union. She's untrustworthy if she's asking a guy to get back to her whe HE'S single. (seems her status is irrelevant).

Good luck, indeed.

[michelle23]

haha i dont hate you. Good luck

[afroman]

I love the old "You went through my phone?! I can't believe you don't trust me!" scenario.. In most cases when a girlfriend (or boyfriend) gets mad and pulls the "trust" topic out of their arsenal, they know they're in the wrong and there's something to prove it in their phone, facebook messages or whatever..

I think that if you want to remain in a relationship with this girl, and have her respect you.. Then she has to work for it. Distance yourself from her, tell her you want a break.. Hang out with other girls, focus on personal goals, work out, make her jealous. Know what I mean?

Personally, I have no patience for crap like this. I hate when relationships cause drama for the sake of it. I would just dump her and focus on higher quality women who aren't going to pull this BS. However, I know how difficult it can be leaving a relationship..

A real indication on how much she cares for you will be how she responds to your concerns. Tell her how you fell, don't be angry about it though. If she flips the problem back at you (as if you're the reason she texted the dude) or throws a fit and starts breaking stuff, then get outta dodge.

[smackie9]

There is nothing wrong with your decision.

An apology is one thing, but truly seeing it from your perspective and correcting the behavior is another. Take this opportunity to set some relationship boundaries.

[clintbow]

he called her today ugh..at least she told me

[smackie9]

So she knows all she has to do is to report to you when he calls, but it's still ok for her to keep in contact......you are a push over.

[smackie9]

He calls her instead of texting....now there will be no evidence of what is said.