In a pickle

[Mr. Turtle]

Hey all. I'll try to make this brief, but a lot has happened, which is why I am asking.

So I met this girl at a coffee shop (her the barista, me the customer) and I instantly fell for her. We became friends after finding we had mutual friends (I ended up roommates with a friend of hers.) I found she had a girlfriend. Fast forward 5 years of friendship.
Things to note: She has been eating at my parents house for a few years even before her recent breakup. She thinks I am awesome. We are pretty close friends.

So she broke up with her girlfriend and I instantly fell into a support role. I had no intentions of whats transpired. I just wanted her to be happy and confident and really hadnt thought outside of that box.

About a month after her breakup, we all went out drinking and we had a brief make-out session. I chalked it up to being drunk. No big deal. But when we left the bar, she stuck her hand in my pocket and interlocked fingers. Still I chalked it up to nothing. She fell asleep on my futon. The next day, she didnt bring it up and neither did I. About a week later I said something and we left it be. I said I probably would be better off not drinking around her.

Two weeks later we went out again and this time she made the first move, I think. We were talking with our respective friends and our backs were towards each other. She reached behind her and grabbed my hand. I grabbed her and we basically played "handsies" until we basically moved to a corner and made out and started talking. She noted she "runs" (as in away from feelings, which I also do the same) and that she is neurotic. She's my friend so I don't care the least bit. She also told me that she it bothered her that I was sleeping with my neighbor (which I am not, and has since been cleared up). That night she slept at my house again, but spent the next afternoon watching TV with me. She asked me for my shirt and wore it home.

I waited about a week and told her how I felt and said that I would not bring it up again since she needed to figure out this whole new portion of her life. I told her I value the friendship more than anything and no matter what we are friends. Truthfully. I care for her and she is amazing but I will not see a failed attempt at something more as a reason to toss this in the bin. She said "fair enough." The next week, she invited me for ice cream, although they were closed and we went to a local shop and bought packaged. She relates a lot of stuff to me. It definitely seemed like she was testing the water to see what we have in common. A lot. But we are already friends, so it seemed like a semi-awkward line of questioning. She came over for dinner over the holiday weekend at my parents and my sister thinks she likes me a lot. She says move forward. She'd also done my sister a favor without hesitation when I asked her to do it even though she was in the midst of something. She's told mutual friends who are rubbed the wrong way about our drunken make outs to mind their business as well.

I guess I am trying to figure out if its a confidence thing for her when she knows I get rid of most women I come in contact with and if she wants me to make a solid move without the words. Or if I am just close enough to be familiar during her rebound stage. But I don't think she would do that considering we are friends and she has told friends she likes me. But not me. *shrug* Thoughts?

[Cerby]

Well man, I try to be nice some of the time on this forum, but this advice is going to be blunt. Stop being "mr. nice guy" and make a move if you want to be with her. She made it clear she was interested by making a move on you a second time after your drunk make out. You saying you "value the friendship" is such a pussy thing to do considering how much you obviously like this girl (and how much she obviously likes you).

You don't "rebound" with friends of five years, you rebound with strangers and acquaintances. I think she genuinely likes you, and I think you're genuinely blowing it.

[UnderTheMoon]

I would say, go for it. Just talk about it first though before you go too far without meaning to with her because not stating your intentions can get you into trouble but its the same for her. If there are feelings, talk about it, if you both decide you would rather be friends than risk that then stay friends but remember, the steam has already started to rise. It really seems to me like she wants to be with you though, and if your worried about being a rebound, then give it a little more time and explain that as well, I know I hate rebounds and I hate being one. Takes time which is consuming but it's worth a shot.

[Mr. Turtle]

Well man, I try to be nice some of the time on this forum, but this advice is going to be blunt. Stop being "mr. nice guy" and make a move if you want to be with her. She made it clear she was interested by making a move on you a second time after your drunk make out. You saying you "value the friendship" is such a pussy thing to do considering how much you obviously like this girl (and how much she obviously likes you).

You don't "rebound" with friends of five years, you rebound with strangers and acquaintances. I think she genuinely likes you, and I think you're genuinely blowing it.

I think so too. She even inquires about booty calls and asks how they work, blah blah blah. But I think its a ploy to figure me out since she knows I have a lot of women who chase me and I am very dismissive of them. And there was no reason to take the shirt. None whatsoever. Unless to cause drama by walking in to her apartment with it on so her roommate who fancies her would be up in arms. But she hates drama and has always been that way. I've seen her kill drama at first ear shot. Just don't know how to make the transition.

[Mr. Turtle]

I would say, go for it. Just talk about it first though before you go too far without meaning to with her because not stating your intentions can get you into trouble but its the same for her. If there are feelings, talk about it, if you both decide you would rather be friends than risk that then stay friends but remember, the steam has already started to rise. It really seems to me like she wants to be with you though, and if your worried about being a rebound, then give it a little more time and explain that as well, I know I hate rebounds and I hate being one. Takes time which is consuming but it's worth a shot.

Time...well I deploy in 8 weeks. So time is not on our side and I think that may be partly why she hasn't pulled the trigger. But then again, I am saying the same thing in my head.

[UnderTheMoon]

Time...well I deploy in 8 weeks. So time is not on our side and I think that may be partly why she hasn't pulled the trigger. But then again, I am saying the same thing in my head.

Oh wow, see I get that big time. If you are being deployed you need to have fun and go for it, just leap in and make some great memories. This is one of those things where I feel like you should just take a risk, and maybe when you get back, you guys can begin where you left off. In a nice not so nice way quit wasting time since its short to begin with! haha. Sometimes it really works out that way. That really sucks though! Good luck!

[Mr. Turtle]

Oh wow, see I get that big time. If you are being deployed you need to have fun and go for it, just leap in and make some great memories. This is one of those things where I feel like you should just take a risk, and maybe when you get back, you guys can begin where you left off. In a nice not so nice way quit wasting time since its short to begin with! haha. Sometimes it really works out that way. That really sucks though! Good luck!

This happened to me 9 years ago to the day almost. I think I will likely not be making the same mistake. And if it blows up in my face, I only have 8 weeks until I get a reset button! SWEET!

[UnderTheMoon]

This happened to me 9 years ago to the day almost. I think I will likely not be making the same mistake. And if it blows up in my face, I only have 8 weeks until I get a reset button! SWEET!

Lucky you can get away if it blows up. L-U-C-K-Y-!

[VerticalMoon]

Either she's really interested, or she's seriously leading you on. My advice would be to just flirt with her and see where it leads. You've already told her how you felt, so the ball's in her court. It's really up to her to make the move which will transition the relationship.

[Mr. Turtle]

Either she's really interested, or she's seriously leading you on. My advice would be to just flirt with her and see where it leads. You've already told her how you felt, so the ball's in her court. It's really up to her to make the move which will transition the relationship.

She wouldn't do that to me. We are friends enough that I can surefire say it isn't the case. However, I may be close enough that she doesn't feel like she is being too promiscuous. That's where I am finding it hard to decipher.