Redundant post, but need female help

[getupkid49]

I know I'm throwing myself head first into the fire here with this post but trust me, I searched and every post I found - including generic online searches - I find half the answers I'm looking for.

I've posted a couple months ago crying and complaining about my last ex but I finally started talking to other girls. One in particular happens to be one of my best friends ex's . Truth is, she showed interest in me before she dated him but I was with my ex so she obviously didn't pursue much. Also, her and my friend dated literally 2 months and he broke up with her, he sorta used her because he was still hung up over his past ex whom he is now dating again. I approached him like a man about this girl and he said he didn't care what I did with her but instead kinda warned me about how clingy she is.

So anyway, to make this very very quick:
She contacts me via facebook, we chat there, I ask for her number. After a few days of texting I invite her over to hang out, watch a movie, whatever. She's shy and avoids asking me to hang out for some reason, but complied. We had sex that night, first time we ever hung out (possible red flag?). Things stay normal, conversations stay normal. We hung out a couple more times over the next couple weeks, she's still shy and doesn't ever ask me to hang out but makes sure I'm convinced of how bored she always is. We hook up two more times, but not every time we'd hang out. She shows signs of being interested in me, I also show signs.

Lately though her texting seems to have slowed down. Since she doesn't ask me to hang out ever I always ask, the last two times I asked she said yes but bailed last minute, and two nights ago she invited me to hang out with her and her friend which I agreed but she never followed up on me meeting them after I said I was close. The past two days I haven't heard from her. I follow her instagram and via the picture feed she always posts she's with her girlfriend.

I can't make sense if she's backing off or if she thinks I'm backing off. If she doesn't want to have feelings for me, doesn't think I have feelings or what. To be honest, she's the type who doesn't really strive on her independence, like she's always searching for a male to cling to. I'm seeing where this can go because I do enjoy seeing her and talking to her but I can't read her behavior. I try and bring up why she's weird about asking me to hang out and why she's been bailing but she tells me there's no reason. I jokingly said that she actually hates me but she argues that "it's quite the opposite."

Obviously I doubt many here are mind readers and that you can't tell me what she feels or is thinking but from a woman's point of view, what causes this sort of "cold feet" behavior? Not to talk her down but she isn't that sort of girl that has guys pouring all over her so I don't think it's another guy-sort-of-issue. Thanks for looking.

[basilandthyme]

I have a sneaking suspicion that I know what's wrong, but first let me clarify: When you are asking her to hang out, what activities are you suggesting to do together?

[getupkid49]

I have a sneaking suspicion that I know what's wrong, but first let me clarify: When you are asking her to hang out, what activities are you suggesting to do together?

I think I know what you have in mind. It's not to just come over and bang, if anything I try to avoid that. I asked her to go bike riding since it's been getting nicer and I could literally ride my fixed gear to her house no problem. The one time she came over I insisted we go out for a walk on the boardwalk behind my house but after hurricane Sandy it's still all torn apart and being rebuilt. We went back in and I still tried thinking of other stuff for us to do but she wanted to stay in. She's never hungry when I get home from work so eating out isn't ever an option. Hell, I even opted to just cruise around in my car but it ended up going back to her house and watching Breaking Bad (no complaint there ).

I jumped the gun a little, she texted me earlier tonight being normal and I brought up her being so weird about hanging out but she somewhat turned it around on me but not in a hostile way. Bottom line is she's younger and immature about these sort of things. I'm 6 years older than her and at time I feel I may be intimidating for her, she even admitted she gets really nervous around me but in a "good way." Also keep in mind, I'm trying to keep this at a tame stage for now. I made it clear to her I'm not looking for a real relationship or girlfriend right now but somebody to I guess be with? Hard to explain right now because it's early in the AM but she agreed and seemed ok with that. Example would be being comfortable cuddling with each other during a movie but not having to be anymore serious, she claimed to not want any more either especially since we've both only been single for a couple months or less, me getting out of a much more serious relationship.

So why think so hard into something I don't want to be so serious? Probably because she's the first girl I'm ok spending time with since my last break up but I don't want her backing off where we aren't really even friends too, so I'm just hoping to keep it where it was, especially when she knows the hooking up part isn't that important to me. Companionship is.

[michelle23]

Maybe she is not the type of girl to have sex so soon in general and is worried what you think of her because it happened so fast?

Also she may say she doesnt want anything serious just because you did but 9/10 one person wants more than the other is willing to give so bear that in mind.

[getupkid49]

Maybe she is not the type of girl to have sex so soon in general and is worried what you think of her because it happened so fast?

Also she may say she doesnt want anything serious just because you did but 9/10 one person wants more than the other is willing to give so bear that in mind.

I've been thinking that, the whole sex so soon thing that's why I've been trying to not act like "I got what I wanted, now on to the next" because I don't want her to feel uncomfortable and I'm not like that anyway. I'm not rushing so I'll just let it go where it goes but being a little less confused as I am can't hurt.

[michelle23]

You need to talk face to face and speak honestly about what you both want. All this confusion is irritating as f**k and what you and she have will never get off the ground if you cant communicate.

Maybe you should suggest dating properly with no sex for awhile so you can get to know each other properly and avoid all the confusion.

It already happened but all it has done is made things more complicated between you so take a step backwards and try to figure out if there is anything else there between you that you can build a relationship on.

Also if you feel like its too soon for something serious then perhaps you should be alone for awhile until you are ready as its not fair to string her along as a rebound. If she really is the clingy type-you will hurt her.

I wouldnt listen to what your friend said though. He was emotionally unavailable at the time and rebounding so that is probably the only reason he found her clingy

[getupkid49]

yeah I agree, on one hand I don't want to hurt her but at the same time I like her company. I tried explaining that basically a few times but she just agrees with me to death and says she'll be less shy and start trying to make plans but hasn't yet. it's starting to make me pull away when I didn't want to in the first place. I noticed on her tumblr blog an anonymous person asked if she were dating or liked somebody and her answer was "crushing on somebody, not sure about his feelings." from how open she is about what she does and who she's with it can only be about me so that's good but I wish she wouldn't be so closed off.

thanks for the responses/advice. It's always appreciated.