Follow my heart or brain?? Please help...

[Am I crazy?]

You have been dating this guy since you were 15. You need to take a break and experience other people even if you eventually find your way back to your boyfriend. You are way too young to be in such a long term relationship. Play the field a little, have some fun. You have done nothing wrong up to this point, don't let the simple minded beat you down. Talk to your current boyfriend before you go any further. Break ups suck but not as bad as giving your youth to only one person and risking the possibility of regret for not taking chances when you were young.

[michelle23]

its fine to take chances or experience others if she wants to-its just not okay to cheat and she is cheating now emotionally.

[smackie9]

You guys don't have to badger her on this, she knows it's wrong, but her feelings are over whelming her and clouding her better judgement.....we all have had our weak moments. She is here to get help to sort it all out. This is all new to her. It's easy for us to say stop, you are cheating, it's wrong, but that's because we are more experienced with these things. Whatever action she decides to take, it will be her learning experience, not ours to judge.

[michelle23]

well the question was "follow my heart or my brain". I always think its better to think with your brain especially in these situations. Please dont destroy your bfs confidence by acting on these feelings. You cant have both so make your choice now.

[UnderTheMoon]

I will tell you right now, everyone saying you need to be alone for a while is right. You're 22? I was in your boat. In fact I felt like I was reading a exert from my life about a year and half ago. That friend you feel for? Guess what, he is just a friend, will always be just a friend and if you push it too much you will hurt yourself and everyone else. I had a friend I loved so much and when my relationship went stagnant I leaned on him for comfort, but I didn't do anything to ruin our friendship, he knew how I felt, he had a girlfriend and I ended up apologizing to him because deep down, I was doing it selfishly for support on my emotional baggage, I told him I was using him and I knew I was and you are using your friend whether you realize it or not. He has a girlfriend? Well so did mine, and it was wrong no matter what. Don't be hated because your relationship went south when commitment came to show with wedding bells looming over. I was scared out of my mind to be alone, I thought the world was over, and cried until I couldn't see because I was so upset that my boyfriend and I were splitting up and then, that little voice I am so fond of rang in my head and said "What are you doing?". I took a look in the mirror and realized who do I live with if I can't even live with myself? Who do I love if I can't love myself? You come first but not in the way you are thinking. Forget the guys, I realized and reminded myself I am talented, I am young and beautiful inside and out and I am a damn strong woman. For a moment you lose yourself but then, right as rain you find yourself again and that's what you need to do. You will find once you let it all go there is so much time, I finished my bachelor degree and started my master's this year, I have worked on my art and done photo shoots and even had a local art galleria with all my work in it, my friend has cancer and I helped her get her relay for life together and did work for that. I found so many things I had forgotten I enjoyed, and started living. Don't you think it's time for you to start living? To start progressing into who you will be for the rest of your life? Or do you always want to be that girl that people look at and say "What a shame, what a waste." You need to remind yourself that you are young, beautiful, talented and strong too and with time you will look back and think, "Wow that could have been way worse but I did the right thing by myself, my friend, and my ex." It's going to hurt like hell, but you will feel better when it's over. What's happiness worth if you don't feel pain at first? We learn to appreciate because of pain. I hope this helps you with your situation.

[UnderTheMoon]

.

When people really want it, they,re like, economy's bad, we're young, this sucks, that sucks but we love each other and we want it...**** it, let's do it..

Amen to that! I have seen that happen MANY times. It's cute really. Sweet and sincere, and if someone doesn't want that then they probably never will. Haha, I know because I dated a guy who said we should get married and I was crazy about him and one day I had a whim and he was all, "No we don't have the money." Literally what you said right there. I was with him for two more years after that. You live and learn.

[Twinkle123]

Thank you for being so encouraging. Yes...at the moment, I've made up my mind to distance myself away from my boyfriend. I think there's so much that I'm missing out in life. I still have my family, friends and career which I can concentrate on. I'm trying to distract myself from all relationship issues. Surprisingly, the friend that I was afraid to lose is still my friend. Apparently, he is undergoing certain issues with his girlfriend too. And I think we both need time to solve our own respective problems. For the time being, we'll still remain as good friends. I'm not cutting all contacts from him because I think it's silly to forgo a friendship because of what happened that day. He told me he will forget what happened that night. So right now, I'm just trying to take things easy and explore what I really want. Thanks.

[michelle23]

all i can say is idiot! your lying to yourself. denial is a defense mechanism and not a healthy one to stay in for long. I hope his gf dumps him and I hope your bf dumps you so they can both meet someone who has more respect for them and more empathy for their feelings.

Look up emotional affairs and come back for advice when you are ready to listen to it coz right now your head is in your ass

[smackie9]

Thank you for being so encouraging. Yes...at the moment, I've made up my mind to distance myself away from my boyfriend. I think there's so much that I'm missing out in life. I still have my family, friends and career which I can concentrate on. I'm trying to distract myself from all relationship issues. Surprisingly, the friend that I was afraid to lose is still my friend. Apparently, he is undergoing certain issues with his girlfriend too. And I think we both need time to solve our own respective problems. For the time being, we'll still remain as good friends. I'm not cutting all contacts from him because I think it's silly to forgo a friendship because of what happened that day. He told me he will forget what happened that night. So right now, I'm just trying to take things easy and explore what I really want. Thanks.

Well if you both can see what a mistake it was and it was just a moment of weakness, I'm sure you can get past it. You should keep some distance so you don't get tangled up in your emotions again, disrupting your progress to resolve your issues. I think you should just be honest with your BF and tell him that you need space to get some perspective.

[Wakeup]

You're doing it backwards, Twinkle. You say you're distancing yourself from your boyfriend but you're keeping in full contact with the guy you want to jump right onto the minute you have emotionally and totally distanced yourself from your boyfriend. Break up with your boyfriend and distance yourself from your friend so he can get his own relationship back on track.

Anyone who is capable of reading between the lines can see what you're doing and it's not fair to either boy or yourself.