From january to june part 2....

[zenrock]

Perhaps there should be some clarification. I recently posted "January to June" and perhaps those responding misread the article. So this will be the clarification thread. Thank You. perhaps reading that first would help fill in the blanks to my responses here.Excuse the diction as well, I am a writer. So most of the scenarios in the previous thread may have been overstated. I will work on that in the future.

Oscillating for three years does not mean I was dating them at the the same time, or even at all. I should have made it explicit that most of what I'm feeling here is in my mind. It is my thoughts that were going back and forth. And most of the time I was not even dating anyone while caught in this indecisive battle. I never played either of the woman. I never dated January- was only friends. Honestly, I was the one who ended up letting her go from my life last year.

June and I dated, I believe 4 times. We were so inconsistent mainly because of her immaturity. She has insecurity issues, and I have been patient with her while we both work through it together. We are currently dating and things have matured a lot- on both of our accounts. It feels different this time. Granted I'm not perfect in anyway, so I will not blame all of why we broke up so many times on her. So I will say my indecisiveness regarding relationships has raised a big issue for us. Which I would attribute to just fear, not so much indecisiveness. I want a relationship.

"When I was with June, I would crave January; with January, I would crave June."- this could mean a host of things. But what I meant here, and again am sorry for not being explicit, is that when I would hang out with one woman (as a friend) I would think about the other. Or in the general claim made above, in my own mind is where this joust would take place. Most of the time I would only be in contact with one while the other was not in my life. January would often text the same day me and June got into a tiff or broke up. It was really weird how that happened. All three of us were caught in some sort of cycle I suppose. We all have problems I guess.

I never cheated on June. I treat her right. If you think I'm the one with problems, you should meet both the ladies. Usually women deal with a lot more than guys do and scorned women are much more likely to view men with a reproachable mindset. Hence the extreme disgust and assumed conclusions made by all except AM I CRAZY. Because, I'd bet, he is a guy. With all due respect, I'm a gentlemen with thoughts hard to control and a cloudy heart at this point in my life. I am working on this issue. I should have done a better job outlining the real problem which is:

I've been with June (in a relationship) for a while now (No January since last year). She is not usually what I look for but has become my best friend nonetheless. I juxtaposed her with January to give a contrast, not to reveal my 'sleazy pimp game'. The only reason I mention January is to give some insight into my mind and the thoughts there; as to what I usually go for, and how she might play into this scenario with June if at all. Nevertheless, what I am used to is old-soul, earthy woman (January), where romance is easy for me. June is the opposite- young souled, playful and kid-like at times. Which is OK. I can dig that too. I was truly just wondering whether or not I can actually build the romance that I lack, or is that something that is usually inherit from the start? I am now at the point where it is getting more serious and I am concerned that the lack of spark and passion could hinder us in the future. Could it be just her age too, why romance is not a thing for her? We are the couple I've wanted for a long time and I am trying everything to make it work for us both.

P.S.
I thought this was an advice column? If I wanted this kind of slander (found in the first post) I'd ask a high-schooler what the meaning of war is; rather, someone who hates themselves as much you people seem to. "Having a bad day? Hmm, lets go make others feel even worse on a love advice site." Society has long done away with compassion and "love" for each other and replaced it with an incomparable narcissism that can only be bred with a thousand mirrors. The only place I'd think that "love" for one's fellow man could still be seen among the mists of smog and skyscraper would be exactly a site where we are all struggling with something common. However, instead of helping a brother, you try and destroy him instead. Pitiful.
Regardless of who you thinketh a man be, thinketh of him with the best. For thou shadow is long and deeply filled with sharp objects and chains- like those that weigh us all down.
!Positivity!

[basilandthyme]

Zenrock, I haven't read your other post. But based on this comment alone "When I was with June, I would crave January; with January, I would crave June." I would say that neither woman is right for you.

How about thinking of moving forward to a relationship with a woman which meets all your needs?

[Yanky]

Here's some information you may or not find helpful. If one woman remained in contact with you while you dated the other, and was aware that you were dating the other, she is a manipulator playing the too good to be true friend card. Lovers don't remain in contact with their ex's (if they were indeed in love with them) on a regular basis, due to heartache. However, the insecure manipulators will try to slime their way back into their ex's lives by keeping them close. <- You don't feel torn for no good reason.

Open your eyes man. Stop playing these women's qualities off against each other. A woman needs a man that she can trust, and that's not you. A good woman won't trust her heart with a guy like you.

[love101]

Thanks for clearing some of the info up! Focus on one or the other with your thought patterns, and don't just focus on what YOU need or you're relationship will fail. Don't contact one when with the other, or you'll create drama, unless you want to hurt the one you're with now.

LOVE should be inherit from the start, romance can be built over time.

[love101]

Wait what's the reference to young soul, old soul? Spiritually old souls can be childlike, personality has nothing to do with a person's soul?? If June doesn't know about January and is still committed to you while you're having these selfish thoughts, that's because she loves you! You said yourself you always return to June, and she always returns to you. You don't need advice, your heart's on the right track. What you need to do is change your selfish thinking patterns!

[michelle23]

It sounds like neither is right for you or maybe you will never be happy no matter how good you have it. You are wasting her time and it is not fair on her. You should let her go so she can meet someone else who thinks she is perfect for him in every way

[WhatIsHappening]

Perhaps there should be some clarification. I recently posted "January to June" and perhaps those responding misread the article. So this will be the clarification thread.
!Positivity!

That still doesn't excuse your selfishness. First off, why is January contacting you when you're with June? January texted you the same day you and June got into a tiff because she was thinking poorly of June, and that's why you got into a tiff. She texts you to manipulate you back to her. Simple as that. You shouldn't be writing about two women at once, nothing is fair about that. June IS your January and June, you're just being selfish. Trying to change her is like telling her that she's not good enough.

Two wrongs don't make a right.

[michelle23]

like i said already-he will never think june is enough coz he never got over january. You can lead a horse to water but you cant make him drink. In other words june is right there in front of him-perfect woman but hes the only one who cant see it coz hes living in the past and hung up on some other chick. Issues dude

[Yanky]

He's the one that's not good enough for her. He said himself that he's jumped between the two, and always ends up back with June. His answer is right in front of him: JUNE. If she's not thinking about other men while he's thinking about other women, she deserves a reward as he said that he's left her for January in the past. Back and forth. Why a woman would take a man like him back, or hang around while he "craves" other women is beyond me! He prefers the chase - that's emotional immaturity! zenrock, you're going to end up alone.

Do you enjoy hurting women?

[michelle23]

unhealthy people attract other unhealthy people so leave them at it. An emotionally mature individual with high self esteem would have dumped his ass ages ago. As long as June enables him-hell carry on breaking her heart and its her own fault.

[Yanky]

He won't get romance from her unless he makes himself available to receive it, by not trying to change her, and by not craving others when he's with her.

You're going to lose her man.

[michelle23]

sorry if we come across as harsh here dude but its only coz people like you need a reality check. you should let both women go and get some therapy. learn how to have a healthy relationship and make yourself emotionally and mentally healthy before committing to someone else.

3 years is a long time to drag this bs out. its time to change your situation and work on your issues

[love101]

Taken aback by this guy.

Do you know anything about women zenrock? Did the thought ever cross your mind that she might be hiding her romantic nature because she's had her heart broken one too many times??? You're taking advantage of her, of course she's going to be '''romantically''' unavailable.

June deserves a gentleman, and honestly you are NO gentleman! You're a user and an emotional abuser. A true gentleman would tell her that she's perfect in every way, and would never complain and would never compare. He would put her needs ahead of his, nurture her, and keep her locked up in his heart, and above all he would never hurt her. She's done nothing wrong so one might come along and sweep her off her feet. You are no '''gentleman'''. You keep returning to her, and she keeps taking you back, and you continue to misuse her emotions. Put yourself in her shoes!

What you're doing is sickening. Can't you see that you need some help?

[WhatIsHappening]

Do you know anything about women zenrock? Did the thought ever cross your mind that she might be hiding her romantic nature because she's had her heart broken one too many times??? You're taking advantage of her, of course she's going to be '''romantically''' unavailable.

If I were June, I'd be scared shitless to give him romance after being treated like a doormat.

She has insecurity issues, and I have been patient with her while we both work through it together.

What's so wrong with you that you have to turn June's insecurities into a bad quality? People have insecurities for emotional reasons, and they prefer to deal with them themselves, at their own pace. Stop pushing her. Accept her for her, or accept that you're the insecure one with some sick need for perfection.

I never cheated on June. I treat her right. If you think I'm the one with problems, you should meet both the ladies.

Dude. Your issues are more monstrous than you think if you can't fathom how morally wrong this is.

P.S.
I thought this was an advice column?

You asked for advice, and we're giving it to you. Unless you choose to remove the 'emotional cheater' name-tag, instead of turning June into a 'choice', you don't deserve to be within 200 feet of her. Why can't you leave her alone until you've clean your slate?