I feel dishonoured about my failure as a partner

[Sportsman]

oh well... I hate talking about persona matter but in recent das I am starting to feel pretty bad bacause of it and I cant talk about it with anybody else... So aybe anonymous discussion could help a little.

So the thing is, I am 25 and so far I didin´t have a girlfriend. I see no problem in that, I have plenty of other things to live for and I could almost say I am happy and satisfied, expecially in recent days... But I smply can´t forget the past. I used to try hard to get girlfriend, not only though Pickup and other a litte questionable ways but as a normal guy. I studied, I have my hoby, my life my fiends etc. but never had a success with woman. I still remeber their facies saing " You? No way!" "I dont want to talk with you. You dont interest me go away!" etc.... It hurst. It feels like I am not man enough.... I dont know what to say... am competing sportsman, maybe soon settle my very first company (it seem I have good ability to build trust with people) and of course I know that being single does not mean I am not manly at all. But frankly: who believes this? None! Everytime you meet somebody who is long term single first thing that gets to your mind is "whats possibly wrong with him"? I mean its our nature. Sexual instinct is strong and it does not concerns only few happy hours in the bed but our whole attitude towards other people.

could you please help me build my inner peace somehow? I am killing this complex by doing "manly right" stuff such as work, hard workout etc. but if I stop for a couple of hours I am starting to feel bad again... Yes I cant find peace that´s the problem. I have also noticed that I despise...having nice time like holydays etc. When I tried to relax in future I felt bad and only hard workout, serious work fulfills me. Thats good in fact. I always wanted to enjoy "tough" things, but I just need to get rid of that complex. Thats all.

[SmthJay]

you can feel fulfilled not having a gf

try meditation

[Ann S]

Dear Sportsman: I suggest you ask a pal what they think the problem is...preferably, ask a female friend. We can never see ourselves as others see us. Since I don't know you, I can't say if you have bad breath, if you don't know how to dress, or if you lack social skills. Before you can work on anything, you need to identify what the problems are. Good luck. Ann

[michelle23]

what are your reasons for wanting a girl? if its just to prove a point that you are "man enough" or that your not a loser-women will pick up on that. a womans intuition is quite strong and its easy to spot someone who is fake or just putting on a front.

you should just be yourself. stop trying so hard to prove yourself. you dont have to prove anything to anyone

a relationship is about love, trust, communication and respect so just show you are a genuine, nice, honest guy and youll meet someone when you stop trying so hard

[Sportsman]

I know exactly what my problem is. Friends tell me I am handsome , intelligent and good look. Women sometimes look at me with interest but the thing is, they lose it when they talk to me. I am missing charizma. Now this is very difficult to explain, and I will not, it would be waste of time. Have you ever experienced that certain type of people you somehow repel ( while you are confortable with others)? They dislike you for reason you don´t truly uderstand and therefore you are not confortable in their presence? Well that´s it! I can´t change it. If I could I would have done it ages ago. And woman have strong intuition for this too. To be more understandable: during my life I was never ever nearly satisfied, not happy with woman. I went through huge amount of suffering and frustration from refusals. I am not crying, just assuming. It´s evident that I don´t feel confortable after so many years. And please don´t convince me it´s easy to change, just like that. I don´t convince you to get to the ring and knock out 180 pound heavy russian fighter, when you never even punched someone. It´s the same.

I think I need a partner for the same reason than any other being in word does. No, I don´t pickup womens "just for my personal glory". Altough many womans have no problem with that if male is attractive enough.

doesn´t matter. Im fine and missing really nothing. Have friends,have fun, education and perhaps some day I´ll find even pernament job!

ou yeah. and why do meditation when I have thaibox?

[SmthJay]

meditation is complacent-contemplation
thai box is an active expression in a martial art

you're just bragging now lol

give yourself some thinking space maybe then someone will pick up on you

hm.. perhaps then you're just looking for a 'squeeze' then? lol I used to be just like you.

having great qualities and being single is not so bad, in fact maybe build on this independence afterall girlfriends cost money... :/
^^^^^^^^^^^personal experience

[VerticalMoon]

Hiding yourself in work or exercise means you're trying to avoid something. I think you should see a professional counselor to help you work through that. Once you're more at ease with yourself it will help with picking up a girl as well. But you need to feel okay with yourself first.

[Sportsman]

I do feel okay. Except this stuff. I did found several... they did more damage than help. The last one I cant name else than lunetic. I am sorry but ths is very sensitive matter and one can feel offended when someone is giving away cheap advices. It is very embarasing matter and I discuss it anonymously on the internet. Idea that some fat sweaty middle aged daddy gives me "manly advices" while it is clear he is out of mate recruiting process for a very long time is dishonouring. It is very difficult to find any good one.

hmmm... this is strange but somehow I start not being attracted to women anymore.

[michelle23]

i think the only thing your lacking is confidence and you probably are pessimistic coz of your bad experiences.

you are missing out on a lot by giving up on love. you should try to be more positive and aim to boost your confidence.

i think you see yourself differently to how others see you. your prob a great guy and others see that but you think they are looking at you the sane way you do which hurts your confidence and you ultimately shoot yourself in the foot and dont try coz you think you dont stand a chance.

you need to change your view of yourself and start seeing yourself through other peoples eyes

[dem862]

Well, women claim to like "manly" men. I wouldn't think you would have any problem getting one.

[Sportsman]

i think the only thing your lacking is confidence and you probably are pessimistic coz of your bad experiences.

you are missing out on a lot by giving up on love. you should try to be more positive and aim to boost your confidence.

i think you see yourself differently to how others see you. your prob a great guy and others see that but you think they are looking at you the sane way you do which hurts your confidence and you ultimately shoot yourself in the foot and dont try coz you think you dont stand a chance.

you need to change your view of yourself and start seeing yourself through other peoples eyes

as a matter of fact, my bed experience is very good. The few I have slept with didn´t like me as a person, but they were always happy to return to my bed. :D

You might be right. Maybe I see myself in bad colours but the thing is, how to change it? without poper experience e.g. without feeling "somebody you like likes you too for the way you are" all I can see are refusals.... My confidence...hmm... I have been thinking and confidence isn´t really problem. I really don´t want t brag but I have so much courage and willpower that I could give away to homeless people :). As I said it´s diferent and maybe ( or sure) yes, bad attitude to problem, but again, I don´t expect you to stand again strong fighter and face him without doubts when you are simply - not strong enough - if you uderstand what I mean. The are things in life we are potentially capable of but not right now because we miss proper experience... You have enough muscle fibers to lift 150 pounds but you won´t untill you practice enough. And without proper gym ( I.E. love) you can´t practice properly.

[michelle23]

The longer you put it off though, the harder it will be and the more nervous you will feel approaching a girl. What about online dating? Have you ever tried that? It would be easier to just be yourself online and then by the time you meet, you will feel less nervous.

Stay away from long distance though if you do decide to do that. Look for women who live within a 30mile radius and dont get your hopes up on the first girl you talk to coz you will meet a lot of nutcases online so you will have to talk to maybe 100 before you meet someone decent.

Can I ask? Do you get out much? Where do you socialize? If you are out with friends regularly, you would have a better chance of getting to know a group of girls and there may be one who you have a mutual attraction with

[Sportsman]

- I have no problems meet a girl, talking to girl, approaching, asking for date, don´t feel nervous no nothing. They just don´t like my offer.

- I spend most of my time doing sports, hobbies, business meetings etc. I meet a lot of woman there. I used to go to pubs, discos but it seems I really don´t like that laces so I spend my time with friends elsewhere. Yeasteday I met new poeple in some charity-like boxercise and the coach, professional fighter was really amazing guy. I make connections this way.

- I am rather action guy, I like face-to-face contact and interned dating would bore me to death. besides, as I said, I can approach woman anywhere.

I am no loner ( well sort of but in my own way of problem solving attitude), no shy, no timid. Imagine (sorry for bragging) strong tall dark hair sportsman, educated well dressed absolvent with manners and a wee bit unexprienced in business english... That´s me!

[michelle23]

hmmm its weird then that you have no success. have you asked anyone what the problem is? your friends may be able to tell you if you are doing something wrong and what to do differently.

Maybe you make girls nervous so they act like they dont like you. If you have a lot going for you then girls may just be shy around you

or maybe you come across as too busy for a girl coz you have so many hobbies and activities

[Sportsman]

I told you when you have no chariza I.E. no "proof" that you are really a good partner even hobbies, good shape, clothing etc. won´t help you.