My sister's boyfriend is making me mad

[pickler123]

My sister has a boyfriend and they have been dating for a while. About a year, maybe more. I don't like discussing it with her but I have been very neutral/nice about it. One day when I was home, she came over with her BF (I had heard from friends that she is seeing someone!). Anyway I was very nice to the guy, shook his hand and got to know him for about a minute before I started feeling a bit unhappy and left the house. Anyway she has been delighted with the way I reacted, because in High School no one dared touching my sister as they would instantly get their ass kicked either by me or my friends. Anyhow when we went our separate ways in college, she started dating in secret. I didn't mind, as long as I didn't know about it. But one day I found her really sad and even though she didn't tell me why I later found out that it was a boyfriend who cheated on her. She was so depressed that she cut her self with a razer blade, whether her intentions of suicide were serious or not I never knew. I just found this out 2 years after the event through my mother! I was very angry but it was too late to do anything about it. Now that we are out of school and working (same building, company and even floor!) we always talk about our lives on the train/car. She lately started to mention her BF increasingly more. I would just say stuff like aha, yep, ok and nod...while listening to her. She once asked me to go out with her and her BF to a movie or something, to which I always brought up excuses...anyway I'm just happy I haven't seen this guy more than once. But i can't just run away from this problem, I need to fix it.

why don't i like her bf? I got many reasons, here are some:
1. His culture and values were/are different. i'm not saying i'm a racist, but his family is totally different from my family. Don't even speak the same first language.
2. His education is mediocre at best. he is into film and arts, something with NO money in it at his level. My sister is richer than him and has an MBA at age 24.
3. He is cocky and makes unprofessional jokes.
4. My girlfriend and mom both say he is a good guy but that he likely won't amount to much, something I agree with.
5. I always imagined her with a smart, silent but strong type of person like a professor. He is the opposite.
6. He has no car and no house, i think that's important for his age
7. Because of him I don't see my sister much, only maybe saturdays or sundays (once a week), if you don't count our shared commute which will end soon.
8. My sister is my only relative other than my mom and dad. My mom and dad will soon be gone, and I don't want to have a long distance relationship with my sister, because this guy doesn't like the city life.
9. My sister now does secretive things because of her boyfriend. Like going on a vacation with her BF without telling my parents, i had to pull it out of her.
10. She loves him more than me. I never get a hug and i'm super nice to my sister and always have been. I don't really want a hug, just maybe that i'm the best brother even or something...i know she loves me and cares very much for me but she doesn't express it very well.

you should see my girlfriend and her brothers, I wish i were like them. I grew up with my sister since we were born (she's 1 year younger) and we were with each other every day of our lives until couple years ago. I don't mind if she leaves and starts her own family, but i don't want to be forgotten. She is someone whom I love the most along with my girlfriend, but If there was a fire I would save my little sis first. Just not sure that she would do the same.

[Ann S]

Pixkler123 WOW! Some of what you say sounds like it borders on emotional incest! You can love your sister but you have no say in her life.
"I have been very neutral/nice about it." Did someone ask you for your vote? " I always imagined her with a smart, silent but strong type of person like a professor." So, who cares what you imagined. Who your sister is with is none of your business. You should be focused on who YOU are with!
She was so depressed that she cut her self with a razer blade - this is diagnosable - I suggest you Google, "self injury" or, "self harm."
"I don't mind if she leaves and starts her own family, but i don't want to be forgotten." Look at how controling and invasive you are in your sister's life! You also might want to Google, "enmeshment!" You have a lot of work to do on YOU. Go get some counseling! Ann

[basilandthyme]

Well, he may be all those things....but I see your own judgemental attitude as being a much larger fault. If you want to fix this, the only thing you can do is change yourself. If you became more supportive, accepting and tolerant it would be a good start.

Staying as you are will likely drive her further away from you. Heaven knows, if my sister had your attitude, I'd avoid her like the plague.

[TablesandChairs]

You're her brother, not her boyfriend. Are you confused about the difference? Why does she have to love you more? A sisters love towards her brother is very, very different to her love for her partner...that's normal and healthy. I think you're the one with the issue and the reason she's pulling away from you is because she's sensing something weird/uncomfortable. You don't have a say in how she lives her life...she's an adult with a career, makes her own money. You can give her advice etc but yeah, the rest sounds creepy.

[surfhb2]

The OP is middle eastern I'm assuming? You have a wack cultural thing going on.

[michelle23]

Its understandable that you want her to be with a nice guy who will look after her and treat her right but it is her decision who she chooses to be with and you should give the guy a chance for her sake and make an effort. She is an adult and she is free to make her own mistakes and she will learn from them all. If it all falls apart you can be there to pick up the pieces, take her for ice cream and wipe her tears without saying "I told you so".

Im sensing some jealousy from your post-you are too possessive over her, too smothering and it is unhealthy so try to work on letting her breathe, letting her live her own life and make her own decisions. If you even try to tell her who she can or cannot be with based on money, education etc then you will lose her.

Im guessing since she was cheated on and it hurt her so bad, the most important thing she is looking for is someone loyal, honest, trustworthy and that is worth more gold than any college degree or MBA

[confusednow]

your too close to your sister. You sound like her boyfriend. Try not to smother her so much

[VincenzoG91]

My sister has a boyfriend and they have been dating for a while. About a year, maybe more. I don't like discussing it with her but I have been very neutral/nice about it. One day when I was home, she came over with her BF (I had heard from friends that she is seeing someone!). Anyway I was very nice to the guy, shook his hand and got to know him for about a minute before I started feeling a bit unhappy and left the house. Anyway she has been delighted with the way I reacted, because in High School no one dared touching my sister as they would instantly get their ass kicked either by me or my friends. Anyhow when we went our separate ways in college, she started dating in secret. I didn't mind, as long as I didn't know about it. But one day I found her really sad and even though she didn't tell me why I later found out that it was a boyfriend who cheated on her. She was so depressed that she cut her self with a razer blade, whether her intentions of suicide were serious or not I never knew. I just found this out 2 years after the event through my mother! I was very angry but it was too late to do anything about it. Now that we are out of school and working (same building, company and even floor!) we always talk about our lives on the train/car. She lately started to mention her BF increasingly more. I would just say stuff like aha, yep, ok and nod...while listening to her. She once asked me to go out with her and her BF to a movie or something, to which I always brought up excuses...anyway I'm just happy I haven't seen this guy more than once. But i can't just run away from this problem, I need to fix it.

why don't i like her bf? I got many reasons, here are some:
1. His culture and values were/are different. i'm not saying i'm a racist, but his family is totally different from my family. Don't even speak the same first language.
2. His education is mediocre at best. he is into film and arts, something with NO money in it at his level. My sister is richer than him and has an MBA at age 24.
3. He is cocky and makes unprofessional jokes.
4. My girlfriend and mom both say he is a good guy but that he likely won't amount to much, something I agree with.
5. I always imagined her with a smart, silent but strong type of person like a professor. He is the opposite.
6. He has no car and no house, i think that's important for his age
7. Because of him I don't see my sister much, only maybe saturdays or sundays (once a week), if you don't count our shared commute which will end soon.
8. My sister is my only relative other than my mom and dad. My mom and dad will soon be gone, and I don't want to have a long distance relationship with my sister, because this guy doesn't like the city life.
9. My sister now does secretive things because of her boyfriend. Like going on a vacation with her BF without telling my parents, i had to pull it out of her.
10. She loves him more than me. I never get a hug and i'm super nice to my sister and always have been. I don't really want a hug, just maybe that i'm the best brother even or something...i know she loves me and cares very much for me but she doesn't express it very well.

you should see my girlfriend and her brothers, I wish i were like them. I grew up with my sister since we were born (she's 1 year younger) and we were with each other every day of our lives until couple years ago. I don't mind if she leaves and starts her own family, but i don't want to be forgotten. She is someone whom I love the most along with my girlfriend, but If there was a fire I would save my little sis first. Just not sure that she would do the same.

Get your own life and stop bullying your sister.

As for your complaints about the boyfriend:

1. Your culture and your language are no better than that of anybody else. Your inability to understand that means that you are a bigot.
2. Money doesn't make people into better people. That's nice that your sister has an MBA, though I am a little surprised that she got it at such a young age. Usually people get more business experience first and then go for the MBA in their mid-20s or later, when the classes will be more meaningful. As for the boyfriend, there is something to be said for creativity. Art can elevate our lives in meaningful ways. Anyway, your obsession with money makes you seem greedy and crass.
3. Unless he is a comedian, his jokes should be unprofessional, just like yours. Or do you mean that you find his sense of humor to be inappropriate for a workplace? Is that where you are hearing his jokes, at work?
4. Amounting to much is overrated, compared to being a good guy. A good guy will be kind to your sister, while some successful guy might easily be a liar, a cheater, or even physically abusive. No, I don't automatically assume that successful people are bad people. I also don't assume that they are good people, because I don't associate money with virtue like you do.
5. Opposites attract.
6. Depends on how old he is, and where he lives. In a big city, owning a car is not crucial and could even be an inconvenience. And if he's only in his 20s like your sister (you haven't said), then it would actually be surprising if he did have a house. And for that matter, does your sister have a house? And if she doesn't, does that make her a bad person? And why are you and your sister always taking the train? Are you bad people who can't afford a car?
7. This might shock you, but your sister probably prefers to spend time with the guy she loves, instead of with her greedy and judgmental sister.
8. If you can't accept that your sister loves this guy, you will be seeing less and less of your sister as time goes by. She is probably getting sick of your meddling.
9. Your sister is an adult. She is allowed to make decisions about her life without consulting either you or your parents.
10. You are an idiot if you expect your sister to love you more than her boyfriend.

You have an awful lot of opinions about a guy that you met just once. You need to stop your unhealthy obsession with your sister and her life, and take a hard look at your own life. You are a greedy, controlling, judgmental bigot, so I'm guessing that you don't have many friends. Or if you do have a lot of friends, they are probably just as horrible as you. But you don't have to live this life of desperate unhappiness. Why don't you do some volunteer work? You can take some time to help people who really need your help instead of wasting your time trying to ruin your sister's happiness. You will encounter people unlike yourself and possibly learn something from the experience, and the knowledge that you have helped people will make you feel better about yourself. You might even learn that not everything in life has a price tag.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I think you secretly want to **** your sister, and you are jealous that the guys she is dating get to and you don't. Poor you.

[samreddevilz]

Very interesting history, thanks for share

[basilandthyme]

I dear....I thought the OP was female. My bad

[fklove]

Wow, you seem like a selfish person with no values, you are clearly jealous.

Go get yourself a boyfriend or a girlfriend & leave her alone.

[pickler123]

The OP is middle eastern I'm assuming? You have a wack cultural thing going on.

and you sound like a redneck who **** his own cousin.

[pickler123]

Wow, you seem like a selfish person with no values, you are clearly jealous.

Go get yourself a boyfriend or a girlfriend & leave her alone.

can't your dumb*** read? I have a girlfriend.

[pickler123]

I think you secretly want to **** your sister, and you are jealous that the guys she is dating get to and you don't. Poor you.

whatever your fantasies are, i do not share them.