Pathetic man, need advice before I mess it up.

[Aliquis]

Hello everyone, I have a problem.

A bit about myself first:
I am 25y/o, 5'11" and around 85kg, rather muscular and a bit of extra fat too but I'm working on that. I'm no super model but I'm in decent shape.
But I'm not good at flirting, I was really shy in my teens but have since grown out of it, I am very confident now and am not afraid to be myself without even thinking about it.
Yet I still find it hard to let my guard down with women.

After a few years of doing odd jobs I went back into studying and found myself in a class of younger students including this girl who was 19(almost 20 now). I liked her from the start and fell in love after 2 months, never let her know or gave her any clear signs. She is outgoing and yet doesn't seem to have had a lot of relationships(stalking her FB), I assume its because of her being chubby/overweight but I don't care.
I kept kidding myself that I would make my move soon, I see her everyday, I have time. After 7 months she drops out and we don't see each other anymore.

During her time with the class she used to be friendly with me and I think I ignored a couple of advances from her, again finding it hard to let my guard down and losing the moment.
I try to keep contact with her through FB and sms yet her responses are usually short and she doesn't seem to engage that much into the conversations. Not sure if it's because she's a bit shy with me or just indifferent.
I only felt this way about a woman on two other occasions in my life but this one feels stronger and more profound, I know it sounds cliche...

Turned 25 last week and got drunk on my birthday and decided I had to tell her how I feel come what may. My friend managed to convince me to take it easy and just ask her to hang out at an event I had already told her about. So I sent her the text "are you coming tomorrow? I would love to see you." and she replies with "who are you?", she had my number as she had called me before during her time with the class but apparently she deleted it after she dropped out, and after I told her who I was she replies "I don't think I'll be coming".

Now here's my question; I think I should have been more direct and clear and tell her exactly how I feel and use words like "love", we know each other well after all. Would that still be too much too early like my friend said? Should I just treat her like someone I just met?

tl;dr I'm 25, suck at talking to women, girl in class I knew for 7 months, don't see her anymore, never let her know how I feel. Ask her to hang out, she doesn't even have my number anymore... want to just tell her how I feel and be done with it, but I care too much for her and don't want to mess it up.

[Zaz01]

What do you have to lose? You miss 100 % of the shots you don't take. Tell her how you feel. Tell her also you were shy and kinda scared to talk her, especially if you do come accross like confident, she will appreciate it. Don't mention love straight away, just tell her you have feelings for her if you really wanna be direct. That is direct enough.
I think in such cases, truth really is the best way to go. She will feel the vibe. So cut the BS. Don't try to come accross like something you're not. If it's real, be real. Like an actor acting in autobiography. Shoukd be the easiest and most natural thing,

[michelle23]

dont mention the word "love" that is weird and creepy if you have not gone out at all yet. You need to move slowly. Just tell her you really like her and you would like to take her out on a proper date so you can get to know each other better.

What have you got to lose?

By the way you are not in love with her, you are infatuated and there is a big difference. Look it up. You cant fall in love with someone that you have not dated properly for awhile and spent a lot of time with.

[Aliquis]

What do you have to lose? You miss 100 % of the shots you don't take. Tell her how you feel. Tell her also you were shy and kinda scared to talk her, especially if you do come accross like confident, she will appreciate it. Don't mention love straight away, just tell her you have feelings for her if you really wanna be direct. That is direct enough.
I think in such cases, truth really is the best way to go. She will feel the vibe. So cut the BS. Don't try to come accross like something you're not. If it's real, be real. Like an actor acting in autobiography. Shoukd be the easiest and most natural thing,

That's my attitude with other girls I asked in the past since I was not afraid of their rejection, but this one is different, its not just physical attraction. But thanks for the confidence boost bro.

[Aliquis]

dont mention the word "love" that is weird and creepy if you have not gone out at all yet. You need to move slowly. Just tell her you really like her and you would like to take her out on a proper date so you can get to know each other better.

What have you got to lose?

By the way you are not in love with her, you are infatuated and there is a big difference. Look it up. You cant fall in love with someone that you have not dated properly for awhile and spent a lot of time with.

Does infatuation last 8 months? I was infatuated with other women and I was totally aware of it most of the time so I didn't let it control me.
This time its different, maybe its the instinct to settle with someone and raise a family I don't know.

Why is it so creepy to tell a girl you love her straight away? I guess it might be if you just met her but if you've known each other for a decent amount of time...
Thanks for your opinion, I really wanted a female perspective too.

[Zaz01]

That's my attitude with other girls I asked in the past since I was not afraid of their rejection, but this one is different, its not just physical attraction. But thanks for the confidence boost bro.

I know how you feel because I was in a similar situation once. It lasted like 10 months and we didn't know each other but we went to the same bar each day and at the same time most often. The reason i didn't approach her prior was because she was in relationship for a few months and so was I. Neither relationship worked. So my window was actually only like a month.The night I finaly decided to approach her, she argued with this guy who she had a fling with and despite her telling him no, he was all over her all night long. Thought it wasn't the right time but few days after, she moved away.

I remember thinking, I'm just gonna tell her all. And I know it would've been a great speech because it was all true, words would come out on their own. It was all real and that's the best thing. Plus, she can feel it as well that everything is real.
I remember also thinking, this is different. With any other girl, it's easier etc.

I think Michelle is right. I didn't love her, was just infatued. Despite thinking about her a lot. Wasn't so hurt when she moved away.

So my advice is, just tell her everything.

[michelle23]

well its not creepy-that was prob the wrong word-sorry but coming on too strong too fast is shooting yourself in the foot (if shes anything like me)

most of your chatting has been online so you know each other from a distance but you need face to face one on one time to really get to know each other and figure out if your compatable.

the infatution prob wont wear off until your a proper couple for at least 6months. the infatuation doesnt truly go away until you really know her-the good, the bad, the ugly and still think the sun shines outa her ass even with all her flaws-that is love

[Aliquis]

I understand what you guys mean but keep in mind we used to see each other almost everyday for about 7 months and we talked regularly. We swam together and hung out during the day with other mates. We even spent a weekend on a boat with a couple of our mates and felt like we were very close at that moment. I still kick myself for not making my move then!

I've seen her happy, excited, bored, sad and angry so you can say I know her "the good, the bad and the ugly". I'm sure there's a lot I don't know about her character but I am confident I would like what I find.
I was infatuated over other girls before but I knew it was just physical attraction playing tricks on my mind.

The way I look at it is; if the girl was a guy, would I hang out with him as a friend? My answer for all the other girls I liked would have been no, but for this one its an easy yes, I even thought she was a lesbian because of how she dressed and behaved, she's not a tomboy but she's adventurous, brave, not interested in superficial stuff and down to earth, all traits which I personally never saw in any other girl. And on top of that she's extremely beautiful in my eyes.
THAT is why I don't want to lose my chance, I know I will never find another one like her, I know that sounds cliche.

Anyway I sent her a message, it was short and to the point and it didn't contain the L word lol

[Aliquis]

Well this sucks, I got the "too busy for a relationship" treatment. Thanks for the help anyway guys, if anything you gave me the confidence to ask.

[babybesocial]

Use the word love right away??? NO NO NO! Absolutely not!

It is way too much too soon, even if you guys did spend all of that time together. The chance of this "love declaration" is too risky. It may be too much for her.

You can still get to the same end result, but in a smoother more relaxed way...

Brush off the fact that she didn't come with you to that event and stop giving it REASONS. For all you know she was babysitting, out at a graduation, or any other random event. Who cares.

Wait a week or so...don't contact her and then try to ask her out to something casual...take baby steps so that it all seems more natural. Think of how you would ask an old friend who you haven't seen in a while.

You could try something like: "You know, its been a while since we've seen each other. I miss you girl! :-)"

"During my crazy adventures, I found a great coffee shop that sells the best dessert! You have to come with...When are you free in the next week or so?"

Go with something chill. Your goal right now should be to just get her to "simply meet you up." Notice that you are intriguing her to meet you up by promising a phenomenal dessert. It gives her a little more incentive to meet you up. If she asks what coffee shop...say it's a surprise.

Once you have her in person, you can move onto step two which is flirting with her a bit to start communicating your interest.

Get to it Casanova!

[Aliquis]

I guess you typed that before you saw my last post.

It's obviously too late for that unless I want her to think I'm a stalker. My optimistic side is telling me that she wants to see how bad I want her but I'm not kidding myself, I know she just let me down easy.

I'll keep your tips in mind for next time whenever that will be...

[JoeyJR]

all that time and you didnt do nothing? wow. she deleted your number, and asks who you are after contacting her. yeah that pretty much sums it up you have being friendzone if atleast at that. she clearly has low interest now and the worse thing you could actually do now is tell her that you like her or even feel.

i would move on, work on your self, talk to other girls.

[JoeyJR]

Well this sucks, I got the "too busy for a relationship" treatment. Thanks for the help anyway guys, if anything you gave me the confidence to ask.

you messed it all up. should have kept it neutral, taken her out and focus on the fun, if you would have played the game right you woulda probably have her hooked and raised her interest.

[babybesocial]

Tell you what Aliquis...

If you are comfortable to share, what EXACTLY did you text her (word for word) in the "short and to the point message that you sent her"?

Based on that, what was her EXACT response?...maybe we can try to salvage it.

Heck, it's worth a shot, might as well burn it to the ground at this point!

BUT you will have to wait some time before you send the next message. Send her absolutely NOTHING right now. She needs time to think and you my friend need to cool down a little bit. You're a bit needy at the moment and it's not helping.

No worries though, we have ALL been there before! :-)

[Aliquis]

Yeah I realize now the message I sent her was too much too soon and at least I should have told her something like that in person,
but I was tired of being stuck in that status quo... as I said it's hard for me to let my guard down so she had no clue I was even interested in her.

I know I messed it up and it's entirely my fault, but I would be happier if she just said something like "I don't like you that way".
I mean who the hell has "no time for a relationship"? It's not like I asked her to get engaged or something, she just let me down easy.

Then I messed it up even more by confronting her about it as you can see in the messages...

Me:{her name}, I never told you this but I like you a lot and
my feelings grew stronger the more I got to know you.
I never made this clear to you because I was afraid of
messing it up and I guess I was shy too.

So do you want to go for a coffee or a drink sometime?

Her: Hey {my name}, i dont know how to tell u this but right now
i' just too busy at this point in my life, and i am not looking
for any kind of relationship. Sorry if i'm blunt but i'd rather
tell the truth

Me: I understand

Me: I'm not a needy person... but if you dont like me just say it, I can take rejection

Her: Thats not the point, what i said is what i meant.

Me: ok, you know where to find me if you change your mind :)

Her: Oki :)