Why can’t sexual women be more honest with what they want like asexual women?

[DaleP]

Before I ask this question I just want to point out the fact I wasn’t asexual but I have been dating an asexual woman for over three years and we are engaged and I am now asexual.

I used to have trouble dating girls when I was in high school and even though I was friends with a lot of girls and they would say things like I was a great guy and they wished they could find a guy like me they refused to date me and instead would always date the type of guys who thought of them as sex objects and sluts and I never understood it and still don’t to an extent but I think I not have the true answer. These guys would cheat on them and treat them like absolute dirt and when they broke up with them they would come to me for a crying shoulder but within a week or two they went back to dating guys like that and it was the same thing over and over again.

I lost respect for most of them because they said they wanted to have a loving relationship but from just looking at the guys they were dating it was a completely different story and after getting into an argument with one of the girl’s ex-boyfriends I made the mistake of punching him and I thought that I was doing the right thing at the time but she got back together with him a few days later and would not talk to me anymore and said I was a jerk. Now, I have never seen myself as a nice guy and there’s probably a percentage of people out there who would say I am a prick because I have strong beliefs and views and I never stray from conflict and I don’t care if that pisses some people off but I would not do what they did to a woman because I had a lot of respect for my sister, cousins and Mother.

I made friends with some guys who were having the same problems as me and they said girls liked to date jerks and nice guys finished last and I believed that for a while but then I started listening into a few of the conversations my female friends were having when I wasn’t around and I discovered that these girls weren’t nice at all and they would make fun of girls like my sister for being slightly obese, talk about their friends behind their backs and in every aspect they were identical to the guys I could not figure out why they were dating except they put on an act when they were in front of me. I was shocked so I stopped talking to all of them and I stopped trying to even be friends with those girls.

I knew not all girls were like that because my sister wasn’t and her boyfriend was a decent guy and I started watching a few reality shows, read some mens mags and listened to rap music and I realised these guys at my high school were just emulating the same behaviour. Even a few of the lines they were saying sounded like they came from a magazine and after going to one of these guys parties I realised the girls were the same once they got drunk. Then I met a guy who was in his twenties and he had been in a relationship with a girl for over 6 years and he was just like me in many ways and I talked to him about everything and he said they were like that because they were controlled by the media and I shouldn’t hate them and I didn’t need to be like them to get a girlfriend.

Unbeknownst to me at the time he and his girlfriend were asexual and he said a lot of women don’t date guys who were nice to them because they thought they had ulterior motives but by choosing to date an asexual woman like he did you avoided it because they knew you wanted a relationship so I looked around for a few months and I met people who were asexual and I come to find the women I was meeting hated the guys my old friends dated and I actually got my first date. We dated for a few months and we ended up breaking up because we realised we were at two different points in our lives and it hurt but I grew from the experience and I later met my Fiancée.

I am 23 now and I love her a lot and we might not have sex I am starting to see that sex is not that important when you can be with somebody you love and loves you back and when I look at a lot of people who are having sex their relationships don’t last long and they are mainly just FWBs so the question I have is why can’t sexual women be more honest with men nowadays and just say straight out you don’t want loving relationships, you want casual sex instead of making us think you do. I do not have a problem with them wanting that but I want a relationship and while of course there are a few sexual women out there that want relationships like my sister and my cousins I think most of the girls like that just lead us on and it appears to be a lot easier dating an asexual because when they say they want a relationship they mean it.

[michelle23]

I agree with some of the things you said like people who act like that are controlled by the media and just copy things they see on tv etc.

but you don't have to be asexual to be happy in a relationship. My bf is a really nice guy-one of the best. We are together for almost 5 years and have a very healthy sex life. Sex doesn't ruin a relationship-it enhances it but you need to be compatible.

I think girls who are attracted to assholes have low self-esteem/insecurity issues. Confident women want a nice guy but they also want sex.

Your only 23 and it sounds like you are brainwashed by all this asexual shite. You cant force yourself to be something your not and you are probably making the wrong decision marrying an asexual girl.

You could find a woman just like her who loves you for who you are but also wants to have sex with you

[FlaCooln]

Pump the brakes man!

Nothing is wrong with being a nice/good guy, in fact I have lived my whole life a such. But, the whole being asexual thing is just MADNESS. Love is both emotional and physical. The connection you have when you can share your entire self with someone...your feelings, dreams, and physical desires is VERY fullfilling and one of the best feelings you can ever have. Sex is a damn important part of life, but it is so much better when you are in love with a person. I could not imagine a life without making love to the woman I love.

[THX]

why can’t sexual women be more honest with men nowadays and just say straight out you don’t want loving relationships, you want casual sex instead of making us think you do.

They can't because there are social repercussions. Mens ego's have had to be tip toed around since the dawn of history. A girls not going to get away with letting the world know she want's to get *&%#$@ by hot guys until further notice. She will be called a whore by men and, also by women who can't stand to see a girl who broke into the candy shop while she, herself has been following the rules.

Also women do want relationships but as with most men there is a battle between different parts of the brain. There is the reptilian part of the brain which has influence on primal urges. This is the part that wants to just get off. The Mammalian part of the brain is the part that finds value in relationships. Certain men are good at arousing a womans reptilian urges, then once sex occures chemicals are released by the brain that make you want to bond emotionally with the other person. This is in part why a girl will fall for a guy she was only initially considering a hook up.

Most men have a very scewed idea of womens sexuality and what their true prefrences are. Even if they knew most would reject it purely based on defense mechanisms. Maybe some day women will stand up togather as a group, and tell men they can shove their double standard about sex. Until then it's a secret that people who judge it, rarely hear about.

[michelle23]

A lot of men dont have double standards. Its normally the ones who would f**k anything with a pusle that judge the women they are f**king and they have no right to do that.