Woman's advice would be appreciated, broken hearted in Virginia

[KJJ]

Had been dating my ex for 6mo until we recently broke up a few weeks ago. The initial 4 mo were fantastic...then in the last 2 mo. She became increasingly distant, less affectionate and then eventually began to avoid making time for us. Background on my ex..she is a very active person with a large friend base and very social, never lacking for things to do. She recently started a new job which involved a decent amount of work travel. Also I often travel 1 to 2 wknds monthly. So around late Feb, her business and stress with work and other things started to increase. It was at this time that her sex drive decreased..she couldnt tell me why so i chalked it up to the stress. However over the next 4-6 wks things didnt improve. Additionally, we were having a tough time making time for us to have dates. And as a result I think I began to pressure her and yes, I may have been acting a bit needy/pushy or smothering without really thinking I was. I really just wanted us to have time together like we used to earlier in the RS and it was getting so hard to do so. I think that as I pushed more she pulled away. After this relatively difficult week where she had some engagement every night from Mon thru Sa..finally made time for a date night for dinner at my place. I was really hopeful that some quality alone time would do the trick. After a nice dinner, we moved to the couch and essentially I got nowhere. She barely gave me a peck on the lips then pulled away when I tried to engage her more. So we finally had to talk...she told me that she still had no desires for lovemaking and didnt know why. Long story short we tried to take a 2 wk break but after that we talked again and still no changes in her feelings or lack thereof. The interesting thing was up until recently we were so good together, rarely arguing, lots of common interests and generally having fun together no matter what we did. She told me she didnt think her feelings were going to change anytime soon so we decided to break it off. She told me that she still finds me attractive, that the sex was always great and that she still enjoys spending time with me. But at this point she could only see it as a friend. About a week later, i decided to put this whole "No contact" thing to work, I told her I couldnt do the friends only thing, and preferred not to stay in touch for the meanwhile. I also defriended her on FB (interesting is that after the split, she was on work travel out of town and must have gone to my FB page to see what I was up to b/c she realized we were no longer FB friends and friend requested me again). Anyhow, its been a few weeks now and she has respected my wishes on NC. Realize that I care deeply about this girl and thought that she was the one that I had a future with. I def desire to have a 2nd chance with her. I know that she still cares about me...not sure the issues with her loss of passion towards me. Any further advice on this? Is the NC thing the right call? I planned to give this at least 2 mo...but if i dont hear anything by then should I be the one to reach out? some of what I have read says that I should stick to my guns and wait for her to figure out if she misses me and wants to reconnect.

[basilandthyme]

KJJ, there's no point in returning unless you can fix the problem which caused the breakup. In your case, both of your busy schedules stopped you being able to spend time together. And spending time together IS important.

Unless she is willing to make more time and/or you're willing to stop travelling on weekends, it's just not going to meet your needs.

[KJJ]

Absolutely agree with you basilandthyme...but right now would like to get her back into my life...and definitely would need to figure out the issues that led to her lost interest in me. Hoping this time strictly apart with zero contact will allow her some time to sort thru her feelings and maybe, just maybe she will reconsider the breakup. Anyhow, not entirely optimistic that this will happen but hoping so.

[smackie9]

Either "A" she realized you are not BF material anymore, and yes people do get bored and changer their mind, or "B" she is being chatted up by someone better looking than you.....maybe a badboy she's had her eye on when she went out one night with her GFs.

[smackie9]

My money is on "B"

[BackUpOrGetStng]

My first suggestion is to move out of Virginia. That place ****ing sucks.

[KJJ]

Unfortunately stuck here in the NoVa area for a while due to work...LOL! Not the best dating scene I have found. About my ex...I had asked her on several occasions if there was someone else she was interested in or if she just wanted to date outside the relationship but she was fairly adament that this wasnt the case. And knowing her pretty well, I think she was being honest. Not sure if she is confused on what she wants...if the RS was just too much for her at this time of her life...or if she truly just lost interest... Guess it doesnt matter for the moment. Was trying to hold onto some hope that she would realize that this isnt really what she wanted and would consider another try at us

[smackie9]

If they are sitting on the fence wondering if the grass is greener, then stop wasting your time.....it means they are not the one.