Really need opinions on my ex boyfriend's behavior

[DepressedSad]

so I was involved with a guy online, someone I met at a forum, in any case, we got involved romantically. He broke my heart, had no intention of ever meeting me in person, and he had a lot of other girls he was romantically involved with. I called him out on using me, and he became very abusive to me for it.. It's been this up and down roller coaster of emotions with him, and it's made me quite depressed.. In any case, I decided to stop talking to him all together. It's been a few weeks now since I have communicated with him. anyway, he got my accounts suspended several times on the forum we met at cause he kept reporting me for chat, things like that. It made me so upset, I left the place, have not used it in weeks either. Now I can never go there, cause I always get suspended due to him constantly reporting me. He knows the rules there, and knows how to get people reported effectivly to lose their accounts etc.. so I am still very angry at him for that, among everything else he's done..

Anyway, last night, I decided to come back for a bit and show how angry I was, and one of his girlfriends got really nasty to me too, and I had never said a word to her..so that threw me for a loop also. Anyway, I got a message from this anonymous name telling me "I know you're upset, you have a right to be, but do not get angry cause I will only hurt myself because people like them only feed off your anger". I had a good feeling that was him writing me under another name. Anyway, later on in the day, I see him posting about how he "enjoys anguish and negative feeligs and he likes it when people get mad cause it will only make him stronger"

So, I'm taking this all as a message from him that he doesn't want me to be pissed off, cause It will only backfire on me.

I'm left thinking this, is he AFRAID of my anger? Is that why he's been trying to convey this to me several times now? Or, is he seriously trying to give me good advice? I can't see him doing anything to really help me out.

I know this sounds so complicated, but if anyone has any opinions, I'd greatly appreciate them.

He has NEVER been a direct sort of person.. but I guess deep down, I think he might be partly afraid of my anger and making him look bad, which I have done a few times.

I do know I have to put the anger behind me, but right now, it's still so fresh within me. and I can't help but think there is a reason why he wants me to chill out and not be so pissed..but I don't know if it's for a good reason to benefit me with advice, or due to his own fear of me perhaps?

(also, I did not write that anonymous name back, I have not written a word to him in weeks now. I used to return his messages all the time, even when I was angry with him. My behavior towards him is different now.)

[basilandthyme]

>>had no intention of ever meeting me in person<<

Hon, is this all about a guy you've never met in real life? I suggest you save your heart for people who you meet face to face

[DepressedSad]

>>had no intention of ever meeting me in person<<

Hon, is this all about a guy you've never met in real life? I suggest you save your heart for people who you meet face to face

Because it's online makes it no less of a problem, or a situation. So for that same reason should I not take your opinion seriously since we are not face to face?

I'm just looking for some opinions, not whether you agree with online relationships or not, they are still real relationships, and can cause real heartbreak, thank you.

[basilandthyme]

DepressedSad, people can be anyone they want to be when online. The anonymity of being online is what makes the whole thing worth avoiding.

You only get to truly know a person when you regularly meet them face to face over a period of six months or more. Anything less and you're still dealing with the impression which they want us to believe. It's just not reality

[basilandthyme]

Just had a look at your history. You've been venting about terrible ex-boyfriends since December last year. Are these different boys or is it all about this online "boyfriend"?

Do you have friends in real life? (not being rude - honest question)

[DepressedSad]

DepressedSad, people can be anyone they want to be when online. The anonymity of being online is what makes the whole thing worth avoiding.

You only get to truly know a person when you regularly meet them face to face over a period of six months or more. Anything less and you're still dealing with the impression which they want us to believe. It's just not reality

HOW are you answering my original question exactly? Listen, I know quite well what you think about online relationships, and I know very well about online fakers, I happen to have a good sense of who this guy is, I'm not stupid about it. I've seen a video of him, know he's male and everything and he even addressed me by my name IN the video, and we have talked on the phone before too. but I also know that he sneaks around and trolls on that forum. and no, I am not involved with him anymore, I'm just wondering what his motives are, as that was my original question. If you don't have an answer on what I was asking, then why bother to answer at all?

I don't know what to say about you snooping in my profile, but yes, it's the SAME guy, and whether I have friends offline is totally irrelevant. and YES, you are being very rude. So I am no longer going to continue responding to you should you answer back.

I didn't come here for an argument, I came for opinions (if anyone has some, if not, then oh well I guess).

[michelle23]

Why do you care what his motives are?

My advice is to get off the computer, get out and meet people and dont become OCD on someone unless your sure hes genuine

[DepressedSad]

Why do you care what his motives are?

My advice is to get off the computer, get out and meet people and dont become OCD on someone unless your sure hes genuine

Another non-answer, thanks.

fyi, you can meet cheating jerks who are not genuine offline too. and anyway, it's not an issue of me being stuck on him romantically at this point, as I said, I am moving on from it, and I'm not right now looking for a new romance with anyone (online or off) so you are wasting your time telling me whether an online relationship is good for me or not. As for "getting off the computer" are you not ALSO on the computer yourself?

As for the point, I care because I am curious, and I simply wanted to know what someone else thought in reference to the question I asked...

[michelle23]

Hes obviously a prick. Again you should not care. Forget him-pretend he doesnt exist as hes not worth it.

Yes you can meet assholes offline but its easier to spot them in my opinion.

I am online yes, but Im not looking for love on the net. I never would

[Valixy]

So he disrespects you online, flirts with other girls, offends you, gets your account suspended, publishes that he enjoys seeing other people suffering when you express you're feeling hurt... How comes you're still doubting what's the right thing to do?

I think that you should stop hoping that he will have a change of heart suddenly, feel sorry for treating you like he did and maybe find some love for you and start treating you decently. Can you do yourself a favour and give up these false hopes? He hasn't behaved nicely with you until now and we won't do it in the furture either. He is a serial flirt and a little selfish ignorant person that never deserved your attention and nothing more. Stay away from that forum, he will never do you justice and neither will any of the girls he is involved with. You are the only one who can do yourself some justice by distancing yourself forever from him. If you want to start feeling better and prove you've got some self-respect, that is.

The anonymous message you received and hoped it could be from him, it was just from somebody who felt sorry for you and that wasn't him obviously.

Show you've still got some strength and clarity and do the right thing for you.

[DepressedSad]

I somehow lost my other response. Anyway, it's quite possible to fall in love online, it's happened to me twice, and it can easily happen to anyone. No one can understand it being possible til it happens to them..

Online relationships can be successful if you find the right person, or try a dating site. My sister has known a few friends who've met their soulmates via a dating site, she is also trying one herself. However, I am not looking for another relationship right now, but I may in the future consider using a dating site. My problem was falling for 2 guys in the wrong setting.

[DepressedSad]

So he disrespects you online, flirts with other girls, offends you, gets your account suspended, publishes that he enjoys seeing other people suffering when you express you're feeling hurt... How comes you're still doubting what's the right thing to do?

I think that you should stop hoping that he will have a change of heart suddenly, feel sorry for treating you like he did and maybe find some love for you and start treating you decently. Can you do yourself a favour and give up these false hopes? He hasn't behaved nicely with you until now and we won't do it in the furture either. He is a serial flirt and a little selfish ignorant person that never deserved your attention and nothing more. Stay away from that forum, he will never do you justice and neither will any of the girls he is involved with. You are the only one who can do yourself some justice by distancing yourself forever by him. If you want to star feeling better and prove you've got some self-respect, that is.

The anonymous message you received and hoped it could be from him, it was just from somebody who felt dorry for you and that wasn't him obviously.

Show you've still got some strength and clarity and do the right thing for you.

Thanks for a direct answer to my question, that is what I was looking for. The reason I ask here is in part to avoid that forum.. Honestly, the first answer above by Basil, kind of sounded like something my ex would say... (it sort of gave me paranoia for a second it was him) lol. but I won't be paranoid. Anyway, thank you again for your thoughts, I appreciate it.

[Valixy]

One last thought: He will never help you make sense of what happened between you two, he doesn't have empathy for you or any of the girls that fall for him online. He flirts until the girl is interested in him, then he moves on to the next one. On top of eveything he causes more sufference than necessary and he enjoys it. He won't help you heal either, so stop contacting him because he will never give you any kind of closure. He will only keep on hurting you if you let him, so, don't, forget about him and direct your attention towards somehing else. He isn't the nice person you think he is, he doesn't feel for you, accept it and abandon the idea of a possible romance or friendship with him.

I can assure you that Basil is not him Together with other posters she had the best intentions to help you see the obvious: you don't deserve this suffering.

[VincenzoG91]

I'm left thinking this, is he AFRAID of my anger? Is that why he's been trying to convey this to me several times now? Or, is he seriously trying to give me good advice? I can't see him doing anything to really help me out.

Why would he be afraid of your anger? That's completely ridiculous. The fact that you are putting so much effort into an online relationship is a pretty strong indication that you were never actually going to meet him in the real world. So, it's not like you're ever going to be able to jack about your anger. You're not going to show up on his doorstep and slap him or key his car or embarrass him in public. All you can do is sit at your computer and fume, just like right now as you read my words.

And while I dispute the idea that you can legitimately call him an ex-boyfriend when you never even met, if he is your ex, you officially are not supposed to give a damn about him anymore. Get on with your life, and seriously step away from the goddamn computer and start living a real life. Hiding behind your keyboard and obsessing about distant strangers is a sad shadow existence. Quit that forum. Take a walk, and feel some sunlight and breeze on your face. Get a pet. Try some new activities, like a team sport or some volunteer work. Life is a banquet, and you're starving yourself.

[DepressedSad]

One last thought: He will never help you make sense of what happened between you two, he doesn't have empathy for you or any of the girls that fall for him online. He flirts until the girl is interested in him, then he moves on to the next one. On top of eveything he causes more sufference than necessary and he enjoys it. He won't help you heal either, so stop contacting him because he will never give you any kind of closure. He will only keep on hurting you if you let him, so, don't, forget about him and direct your attention towards somehing else. He isn't the nice person you think he is, he doesn't feel for you, accept it and abandon the idea of a possible romance or friendship with him.

I can assure you that Basil is not him Together with other posters she had the best intentions to help you see the obvious: you don't deserve this suffering.

I do think I need to hear that he's not going to change.. somewhere in the back of my head I guess I did think that he would suddenly feel bad for everything he's done to me, maybe part of me has waited for that. It's just so hard when deep down you wish someone had a soul but they don't, and never will.

I very much appreciate the help, you have tapped on the root of the issue better than I had..