HE moves too fast and then HE freaks out?

[HockeyGirl]

Hello new friends!

Hoping I can get an honest male opinion on here...pretty please!

So the story goes...
I met someone online, we texted for about a week and a half before we met up for a date. This past Monday we finally met up and we had an awesome date. It was immediate attraction, the conversation was good, and he constantly alluded to further dates. At the end of the date, he walked me to the door, kissed me and asked me when he can see me again. Even jokingly asked if he can delete his online dating profile to which i responded "i wont tell you what to do - but once you decide, let me know, and i'll do the same." We then made plans for Wednesday.

The conversation continued over text and by midday tuesday, he texted me and said "I dont want you to get sick of me, but i really want to see you again tonight". So we met up once again that night for a much more casual dinner date and once again, a wonderful time. Conversation, attraction, everything you'd want on a 2nd date. He admitted to me how smiley he was today and how coworkers bugged him till he told him about the date, he even admitted to me that he has never asked a girl to see her again so quickly on a date. Walked me home, again, more kissing. Really pleasant date that gave me butterflies.

We continued texting, no problem there. The next day we both had to work late so no 3rd date but we made a raincheck for Saturday (tonight). We continued texting tons throughout the days and even talked about what we are going to do tonight - a night in at my place. No trouble or warnings, nada. Everything was going great.

Today, the date of our proposed 3rd date, he was awfully silent. I didn't hear from him till later on in the afternoon and it become apparent that he was about to bail as i was getting excuses of having a busy day and being tired. I can't stand to play guessing games so i asked him honestly to just tell me if he was bailing cause he has lost interest in seeing me again or if there are other reasons. I told him i appreciate honestly, whether nice or not. I got an honest response from him. He basically told me that he is bailing for MOSTLY other reasons but then went on to tell me that he feels things are moving too fast and that he isn't prepared to have plans with someone 3-4 times a week. He confessed that something really stressful happened with his family that involves someone clinging to life, and that the was stressed out to the max and the thought of us moving too fast on top of that was too taxing. Went on to say that he still wants to see me and likes me, just wants to slow things down. Which, for me, was more than okay and I actually agreed that things did feel too fast - its only been a week! I was relieved to hear he was still interested but now that i am home alone and NOT with him, its given me some time to think and realize that since we met on Monday, he has been the one with the foot on the pedal. He was the one to ask to see me the very next day, the one who throughout both of our dates kept making mentions of future dates and things and places we should go, he told his friends, initiated kissing, is usually the first one to text me in the A.M.

So what gives? He's admitted that in moment of real stress, he panicked. I appreciate how open and honest he was, but I now dont know how to proceed. He set the precedent and I was just going along with it. Is this already doomed or is he freaking out because HE was moving so fast himself? I did respond and tell him that I agreed and that i was just going with the flow. I am a pretty independent 27 year old, i dont ever relay on men or boyfriends and am pretty happy single, but would love to find someone. I dont need to go on 3-4 dates a week but he laid it out on the table and i say yes.

I really do like this guy. I dont ever recall meeting someone and having things feel so right and comfortable with someone. I really want to explore these feelings with him but now I am scared and don't know how to act even though we have been talking since that conversation earlier today. He is continuing to engage in conversation, no backing down there.

Help! What's he thinking?? What should I think? Is this doomed?

Any and all of your opinions will be appreciated!

[Wakeup]

Do yourself a favour and when/if he text you for another date. Tell him your busy if it's not for a Saturday Evening. It's too early to tell yet but it's awfully funny that he was quite available during the week but when it comes to the weekend he's suddenly got a relative clinging to life.. Pfffft.

If/when he asks for another date, steer it to a weekend... see if he hedges. How much do you really know about this guy? When/if it gets to the point where you're going to have sex... make it happen at his house. If he hedges then you best find out his status.

Call me cynical but his excuse sounds like a load of crap to stall you to having another non prime date night. Don't lose your heart to him just yet whatever you do. No expectations until you're sure of him and who he actually is. Have you learned his last name yet? Where is he lives? What he does for a living? How long his last relationship was and why they broke up?

[FlaCooln]

Pump the brakes girl. Nothing is wrong. He told you what is up....some shit went down with the family. I am sure he likes you a lot, sounds like there is good chemistry between you two. Also, maybe the fact that you were planning staying in at your place made him realize that it could lead to sex and either he is not ready for that or was being a gentleman and didn't want to move too fast for you.

I am actually in a similar boat. Met a girl online been on two dates having the 3rd this weekend. We she has a very busy schedule, but we text back and forth a lot and she calls me when she leaves work. We have a TON of chemistry and basically have to stop ourselves from sexually assaulting one another.

So, I get it you really like him and want things to work. Give it time, I think he wants you just as bad as you want him.

[pcmaster]

At this point theres cant be too much honest. Keep it friendly just talk about things that friends do until you both meet again and can go on more romantic. Till than really just be friends so you can reach new level of honesty that will greatly help afterwards.

[VincenzoG91]

I agree with Wakeup, this guy has a shaky story, and possibly a wife or a girlfriend that he is hiding from you. Proceed with caution.

[Boisdevie]

I agree with Wakeup, this guy has a shaky story, and possibly a wife or a girlfriend that he is hiding from you. Proceed with caution.

Yeah, dont forget all men are bastards.

[Wakeup]

Oh, stop it. No one said that.

[stan92964]

Relax ... see what will happen. Emotions get in the way of our good seance often ... but love is about emotions so just be aware, which you seem to be doing naturally. I guess what I am saying is you obviously like him allot and it's easy to let your emotions rule and spoil it some times ... so just relax and let it happen and see where it goes. Dating is about possibilities and exploring but you can't expect an outcome yet.
Yes, I do think he surprised himself and maybe scared himself a bit. We all question ourselves a bit too much when we really are attracted to someone. It sounds like both of you are doing that. So, again, relax, take it easy and see where it goes. I'm guessing you are both going down the same path. The only way to know the outcome is to wait for it.

[HeheMan]

Oh my god, I just have to ROLL MY EYES at all the people who immediately start nattering on about how he must be married, watch out girl, be careful, this guy is fishy, etc etc.

Do you know what jumps out at ME?

This guy has a family member that's clinging to life (probably on life support with tubes sticking out of them)... and here's this "lady" who can only think about herself, and another "lady" jumping in to trash and criticize this guy who they don't even know. Stay classy!

Here's what's up: The guy obviously likes you, but HE HAS A SICK FAMILY MEMBER. If he has a family member who's dying, then the stress of that situation will influence his perception of your relationship together. Of course it's going to seem "too fast" - he's already overwhelmed with something more important that's going on in his life.

Just chill out... damn.

[Wakeup]

Oh my god, I just have to ROLL MY EYES at all the people who immediately start nattering on about how he must be married, watch out girl, be careful, this guy is fishy, etc etc.

Do you know what jumps out at ME?

This guy has a family member that's clinging to life (probably on life support with tubes sticking out of them)... and here's this "lady" who can only think about herself, and another "lady" jumping in to trash and criticize this guy who they don't even know. Stay classy!

Here's what's up: The guy obviously likes you, but HE HAS A SICK FAMILY MEMBER. If he has a family member who's dying, then the stress of that situation will influence his perception of your relationship together. Of course it's going to seem "too fast" - he's already overwhelmed with something more important that's going on in his life.

Just chill out... damn.

I roll my eyes at your eye roll: Such drama and me thinks thy protest too much.

I suggest you re-read the post because you've mis-interpretted it completely. No one is 'trashing' this guy all I said was for her to be careful and watch that he isn't being disingenuous and to don't lose herself to him and his "story" which could very well be crap as well as the truth. There are indeed many disingenuous PEOPLE (men and women) who go on dating sites (particularily the free ones') Time will tell if this guy is genuine or full of shit. She doesn't even know who he is yet so: There is NOTHING wrong with being prepared instead of naive and getting hurt in the process. Trust is earned and after two dates, he shouldn't have hers. Both times he's been to her end of town (he walked her home and kissed her at her door) and she's not been to his end. That's another thing she should just be aware of. "When we going to your side of town so you can show me your fav hangouts" is a good question to ask.

[IndiReloaded]

It's the speed + the inconsistency that is troubling. I know people who had 'love at first sight' experiences. Ended up married, some of them.

What sets the flash in the pan apart from these^ experiences is the complete honesty these couples achieve, very quickly.

He confessed that something really stressful happened with his family that involves someone clinging to life, and that the was stressed out to the max and the thought of us moving too fast on top of that was too taxing.

This^ is troubling. With an authentic connection, however young, he would have immediately told you details of the actual problem. Not "something happened with his family".

Something has spooked you about the situation with this guy and I think you should trust your gut. I also think you should back off and let him do some hustling for you.

[HockeyGirl]

Thanks everyone for your responses.

Just to clarify - I can very well conclude from his social media that he is not married or has a girlfriend.
He also lives in my neighbourhood, so, my end of town is also his. Our buildings are 5 mins apart.

[Wakeup]

Don't "conclude" anything from his social media you can't tell from that whether or not he's married/gf'd. There are many people who have more than one profile. I'm not trying to make you paranoid or sway your quick feelings for this guy but rather warn you to stop being so trusting of what he says to you. You don't even know who he is yet and as such, it's impossible to know if he's being genuine. If he's only 5 mins away from you then there should be no reason why he doesn't ever invite your there, right? That's all I'm saying.

That being said, pay attention to your gut which, as Indie pointed out is telling you something.

When he asks you out on a prime date night, that's one very simple thing that weighs in his favor. (and more importantly, yours)

Good luck, hope he's a good catch for you.

[HeheMan]

With an authentic connection, however young, he would have immediately told you details of the actual problem. Not "something happened with his family".

Says who???

[HeheMan]

I roll my eyes at your eye roll: Such drama and me thinks thy protest too much.

I suggest you re-read the post because you've mis-interpretted it completely. No one is 'trashing' this guy all I said was for her to be careful and watch that he isn't being disingenuous and to don't lose herself to him and his "story" which could very well be crap as well as the truth. There are indeed many disingenuous PEOPLE (men and women) who go on dating sites (particularily the free ones') Time will tell if this guy is genuine or full of shit. She doesn't even know who he is yet so: There is NOTHING wrong with being prepared instead of naive and getting hurt in the process. Trust is earned and after two dates, he shouldn't have hers. Both times he's been to her end of town (he walked her home and kissed her at her door) and she's not been to his end. That's another thing she should just be aware of. "When we going to your side of town so you can show me your fav hangouts" is a good question to ask.

There's a difference between "being prepared" and jumping to conclusions that this guy might be married,or there's "something fishy" going on just because he had to cancel their third date due to a sick family member. It's completely understandable that a woman he's only been on two dates with would suddenly take a backseat to his current issue. Most (like over 95%) of people on dating websites who list themselves as single are in fact... single. Amazing isn't it? We have no reason to even be on the look out for a possible cheating husband, yet it's the first thing that jumps to your mind, and you comb through her post looking for any clue or detail that could possibly be stretched to point to that conclusion.

The guy said he has a family member in critical condition. The fact that your first thought is "OMG, what a sleezy/creepy/shady guy. Be careful girl! He might be married!" speaks VOLUMES of your character.

It's nice to know that, as a man, if a family member gets sick and I have to cancel a date, women like you will automatically start thinking "OMG, is this guy MARRIED?!"