Its all fallen apart.

[bootsmama]

I am a little new at asking advice from anyone. Yet I am at the point of really needing someone who has been in these shoes or down this road. So i'll explain my issues..
Ive been with the guy i love deeply for alot of years off and on. we have five kids and one on the way. In the past we had our problems and I left him and he fought to get me back. And last year as I thought things were getting better and we we're planing out a wedding after our 5th child was born. He all of a sudden pushed me away and fell for someone that was a close friend to us both.He fell so hard he was willing to let me go and start a life with her and in the mix of it I found out i was expecting another baby. In feb we moved to another town and started to start over and work things out or what I thought was work things out..Our kids love our cell phones and well they got his and opened a bunch of stuff on it , the one morning i get up before him i seen the kids had his phone and like any parent i took it and started closing out stuff and the last thing to close was text messages to another female and yes I did the one thing I shouldnt have I read some of them and I found that he had once again cheated on me and this girl is now expecting a child and the chance of it being his is 50%..He had messed around with her one month after we moved into our new home.Out of all places at a bar where they had a party for a coworker of his . He works with this female so she was there and well he has spent the next month hiding it from me. He says it only happen the one time and it wont happen again. I am just finding this out within the last two days.
I am so broken up and havent a clue how to take all of it . Do i stay or go? Do I allow him another chance to make things right again. IS it wrong for me to not belive a word he says? Is it wrong for me to still love him? There are so many things to ask, so many things to wonder. Should i once again have to deal with this ..I mean all this stuff with him and other females is all in the last year.. And now he is saying he wantss me and loves me and is wanting to get married to me..
Guys what should I do. male and female advice is a help..
I just dont get it or understand why he has done this what i have done so wrong for him to do all this .

[madotnw_nihs]

Can I ask why are two not married and have 5 kids. I don't think you should be surprised that he has cheated since it is out in the open that he wanted to leave with another girl. The only reason he stayed is because there is another kid coming. Since you two did talk about getting married and still haven't makes me think he or you are not committed to each other. Sorry for being so negative, but it just doesn't feel right you two are together.

[basilandthyme]

You'd be crazy to believe anything he says.

[bootsmama]

We didnt get married before we had kids because being young and stupid as I was, I really want the prefect wedding like most females. And as the years went on I learned that it doesnt matter if you have a wedding or a court house marriage. Now more than anything I only want to marry once. Dont get me wrong there is nothing wrong with being married more than that. Its just not something i myself would do.. I am not surprised at all that he cheated, I am hurt yes and most would be, I am at a lose on what is the right thing to do for the children and myself. Your not coming off as rude all have their own view on everything witch is why I thought it wouldnt hurt to ask for advice

[Valixy]

Could you take good care of your children on your own if you two separate? Are you financially stable or would you receive enough financial support from him or the government so that your children could have a decent life? If so, I think you should leave. If not, I think you should try to forgive and save this relationship, suggest counselling for both of you, etc. Infidelity is quite frequent unfortunately but there are couples that succeed to work it through. If you can't forgive, then maybe you could both reach to an agreement like living together for the children but having independent lives.

[bootsmama]

oh yes taken care of them on my own isnt a worry. I can forgive if he is willing to stay faithful and honest with me. I fear that he cant...I am willing to try anything to make things the best i can for my children they come first and my needs or want come last.

[michelle23]

I dont think 5kids and another on the way is a good reason to stay.

Im sorry but hes hurt you so many times-you cant trust him and hell only hurt you again. I think you have wasted your life on this man and the whole relationship is built on co-dependency. Do you not think your worth more. Do you not think your children deserve a better role model? Do you want them to see their dad treating you like dirt and thinking its okay coz you put up eith it?

Either kickhim out for good or give him a taste of his own medicine. Show him how it feels to have someone you love and trust **** you over so bad and stab you in the back. I dont think you have the strenght to leae coz your obviously a doormat so thats y im giving you option two.

it may even show you that theres men out there that will treat you better

oh and stop having kids. 6kids with a man like that? your trapping yourself. and he thinks he can get away with it coz there tying you to him. i bet if you only had two-you would have lft ages ago.

anyway if you think you can cope on your own with 6kids-get rid of him. hes not worth it and neither are you if you stay and put up with this crap.

and i dont understand women like you who say things like "i wish i didnt no" would you prefer to live a lie?

[madotnw_nihs]

I commend you for trying to stay and work things out. Can you trust that he will be faithful from now on? I can't imagine many people will be able to trust him. Even if you can endure the relationship with him, but I can't imagine you will be all that happy knowing he has probably cheated recently. I guess it boils down to what you want in life and what your priorities are. If it sides with the children, it will be staying with him. If not, then leave.