i guess i just need to get it off my chest

[wistfool]

My ex and I were together 11yrs and have kids but were never married, we seperated inJan 2013. Over the last yr it turned out he had been cheating, not only was he seeing OW he was taking my kids out with her and playing happy little step families while I sat at home none the wiser. My ex and I had been going through a rough time but I would never have thought him capable of this type of deceit. I could not believe how bad I felt once I found out, being told by his brother, I felt like i had been hit by a truck. I hadnt been eating or sleeping, I felt sick all the time. my ex has never admited that they were together and even now will not do so. After a few months of being in the black I started to pull myself out and then he decided he wanted to retry so we did. After getting what I wanted I realised I couldnt do it, I would never trust him again. Only once through all this did I ever speak to her and I was very resonable considering, not once did I call her any names I just spoke with her. I guess now I have tryed to block my heart to him, he keeps trying to pull me back in, I still love him and care about him but I cannot go there again. I also know without ever admiting so he is still playing this OW also, i feel sorry for her but Im the psycho ex so she deserves everything she gets from him (i have read her love letters to him and it is funny that she believes she knows him but her letters prove she knows little of him.). I only wish NC was an option for me because he still sneaks into my bed and I do not have the will yet to turn him out.

[pcmaster]

Well I feel sorry for all the life you been tru. Just not eating and sleeping alone should be real damaging to mind. Anyway Im sure you soon will surround yourself with better people who know what you worth. Also you deserve a new boyfriend because sleeping with ex is freaking crazy.

[overanxious]

my best friends mother(whom i consider my 2nd mother since mine died when i was 11...and ive known this guy since kindegarten) went through a similar deal......they always fought....mostly because this guy was crazy and spend ridic amounts of money and drove the family into the ground......theyve been married for like 20 years.....ive known this guy and hes been good to me at times too and can be a great guy and charming...but has an ugly side.......

eventually she wouldnt cave to his demands for money and bs.....so he went out and found another girl and ran around town with her...in front of my best friend and his gf(my best friend was raised with him as his step father)...making out with this woman in front of him....he did the whole thing because he knew it would humiliate this woman and drive her into an emotional wreck.....at the time this was happening i was dating his niece(who was just like him come to find out)....and wed all run into each other and he would force his new gf on my ex....because he knew it would make her hate his wife.....eventually after a long period of them getting along my ex ended up hating him and his wife.........it embarrassed the whole family and my best friends mother and i was caught in the middle.......all kind of crazy family drama and my ex ended up cutting off her uncle and his wife and had me do the same because i fell into the trap(she now hates all 3 of us lol) even though i fell into the trap.....

even through it all...my best friends mother cant cut ties...she did send him away back to live near his family...but still will support him financially....and he even comes to visits on occasional weekends....and she will sleep with him...even though all of us close to her(and her own relatives) despise it.....i get mad(even though i dont tell him) at my best friend because he wont tell her to drop him.....if he did i think she would seriously consider him...but he cant take a hard stand...i want to too...and even do it in passive ways....but i dont feel its in my right to make a hard stand because im not her actual son even though she considers me one....plus i know her own siblings and parents have tried and it doesnt seem to work.....this guy embarrassed her in her hometown and ruined her and her family financially(she is a talented, hardworking, woman with a good job)......this guy still has a hold on her.....and it makes most of us sick...i want to punch my friend in the face and tell him to tell his mother to make a stand....but even he is sitll willing to hangout with this guy when he comes around(this guy rang up a 2k tab at a bar here in town...that he was a regular at and made friends with the owner and never paid....and when he was chummy with the owner he would talk his wife down and make her out to be some evil bitch....and i still go in there with my bf and his mother and everything is cool now because the owner realizes who the real culprit is and we are good friends with him) ....and he knows what a douche he is......i think hes afraid because its step sisters father....and he doesnt want him cut out of her life..........the whole thing makes me sick...and even worse if that i fell for this guys niece and he was one of the people that helped push it on me...deep down i know this guy cares about his family and all...but his own wants and needs always take priority and its sickening....i know he always has good intentions but cant help himself......hex toxic...i know he had the best intentions trying to hook me up with his niece...he thought it would be perfect......but now his niece doesnt talk to me, him, or his wife....its sad

[michelle23]

You need to be strong OP. I know its hard but he betrayed you and you know in your heart you cant forgive him and youll never trust him so kick him out. You can go no contact with him. Get all his stuff out of the house and tell him if he wants to see the kids-he can pick them up from a friends house or your parents house on certain days, certain times etc. That way you do not have to bump into each other.

You can go no contact completely for 6months-a year. Whatever it takes for you to heal and feel strong again. Then when you are sure you are completely over him-he can pick the kids up from your place and you and he dont even need to talk unless it has something to do with the children.

You should see this as a new beginning, a fresh start. Imagine how it would feel to get out dating again and explore other options? You could have a lot of fun and eventually meet someone whos worth ten of your ex. You need to start thinking positive. Start looking towards your future and focus on looking after yourself.

He threw 11 years down the toilet because he wasnt strong enough to work through your rough patch as a team together. Instead he chose to escape from reality and ripped your heart to pieces in the process. Hes emotionally immature, weak and pathetic and you need to find a stronger man who can handle real life, real responsible and a real relationship.

Dont blame yourself for this. Its not your fault. Each day will get easier. Pain is only temporary and you will laugh again, smile again and love again but first you have to accept its over and there is no going back

Good luck to you xx

[wistfool]

Thanks Michelle23.

[michelle23]

You should also consider some counselling. Like any loss you are going to go through a grieving process but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Here is some info for you so youll know what to expect. http://www.hecheatedonme.net/5-stages-of-grief-youll-experience/

It will be hard, it will take time. You just need to be selfish for awhile. Focus on you, look after yourself and take whatever time you need to heal. The first step is kicking him out. You have to do it if you ever want to heal properly. Tell him it is 100% over with no chance of ever going back and tell him to get the **** out of your life.

You dont owe him anything. Dont feel sorry for him. He created this mess and now he has to suffer the consequences. Hes still hoping everything will be alright, that youll forgive and forget but you need to show him he messed with the wrong woman. That is the only way hell truly learn his lesson. He ****ed up-tough shit.

You deserve someone who wont hurt you. Nobody deserves this kind of pain. Its cruel and you need to realize that this is a new chapter in your life. A new beginning. Yes there is a lot of pain in front of you but that pain will eventually give you a lot of strenght. It will be an extrodinary achievement when you can finally look back and say "Im over you and now its time to find a better man"

Good luck xx