Borderline Personality Disorder

[4seasons]

My ex girlfriend has all the symptoms of Borderline Personality disorder and has broken up with me to date my now ex best friend. She hardly knew him and only met him once. She called him up to trash talk me to him which then got him mad at me then he trash talked me to her and then they started dating. When I tried to do damage control by defending myself, she called the police and filed a restraining order. We dated 3 years and all she kept talking about was wanting a ring from me since 6 months into our relationship. I hired an attorney and got the restraining order dismissed. This has been a real nightmare. Now I am in counseling. Help anyone?

[HeartIsAching]

Um... don't date crazy people anymore?

Help with what?

[Wakeup]

Serious question, Op. Help with what?

Dismiss her from your life, never talk to her again in any form which means no: skype, phone, text, email, fax, written letter, carrier pidgeon or face to face.

You don't need help with doing that, you just have to do it. Let him worry about her particular type of crazy and DO NOT let either one of them hoover you back into the drama. No help needed.

[Love'sReject]

Why get that restraining order dismissed? (unless she habitually frequents places you like to go to) It was pretty much to your benefit. Good riddance and stay clear of her!

[overanxious]

My ex girlfriend has all the symptoms of Borderline Personality disorder and has broken up with me to date my now ex best friend. She hardly knew him and only met him once. She called him up to trash talk me to him which then got him mad at me then he trash talked me to her and then they started dating. When I tried to do damage control by defending myself, she called the police and filed a restraining order. We dated 3 years and all she kept talking about was wanting a ring from me since 6 months into our relationship. I hired an attorney and got the restraining order dismissed. This has been a real nightmare. Now I am in counseling. Help anyone?

dealt with the same type of girl for 2.5 years...NPD and BPD symptoms...although i didnt know till it was over...i just passed it off as her being difficult, somewhat immature, and high maintaineance emotionally......then i was turned on to reading about those disorders from a friend

my ex started talking to her brothers best friends the last month we were still together....they never saw each other but had met previously years ago or so.....i eventually figured it all out since they went on a date about a week after i moved back home...and when i confronted her she denied and denied.....and i sadly tried to make it in my head that she wouldnt have done that....eventually i couldnt fight it...we had been talking off and on as friends for a few months...and then i flipped.....which lead us to where we are now which is not talking and probably never talking again.....

we were having problems...but i even asked her if she wanted to go find something else to just tell me...i even put it out there a month or so before she started talking to someone else.....but she wouldnt...she dragged it out until i blew up on her again and she had a good reason to leave.......just a little honesty, respect, and loyalty would have gone a long way and i could have accepted everything fine...instead of having to deal with the issues i do now...i understand thats how people with these disorders work...i fully know that in my head....but it still doesnt make it easy to accept....and i just kind of wonder why this was the route chosen instead of the easy one......i dunno if she was just playing mind **** games with me the last month or was waffling and couldnt find it in her to say she wanted something else

[overanxious]

its pretty similar...she starts talking to someone else...telling them what a monster you are and how mean you are and treat her like crap....and hes going to be the knight in shining armor

my ex always had wild mood swings(i even had a talk with her grandmother about 5 months after we brokeup "ya thats how she is shes up some days and down others)...never had to pay for anything yet had no bank account and terrible credit.....

sometimes i didnt know how to handle it and i kept threatning to breakup with her because it was driving me crazy...but id always try to fix it....i guess it drove her nuts that i kept doing that.....i never really wanted to be without but i didnt know how to get through or get change.....probably impossible anyways....

of course the things i did to show her i cared and loved...the sacrifices i made....they were fleeting and forgot about in her head....they were temporary and never appreciated....its always whats next....show me how much you love me.....believe me...i got the same shit about a ring just about the same time you did.....and when it was over i heard it too "you never got me a ring"....well uhhh yeah i had some reservations toots

[michelle23]

You had a lucky escape from the psycho bitch. Go no contact and focus on healing. It will take time but pain is only temporary and in time youll feel strong again and be ready to meet someone new

[4seasons]

Yes, with borderlines, it is never about you, it is always about her. You are not what she WANTS, you are what she NEEDED at the time until she discards you after she has someone else. They think black and white with no grey inbetween. They start out idolizing you, then they cling to you, then they hate you, hence, the restraining order. Now my ex buddy is on the chopping block as the new white knight. Once they devalue you and you are discarded, there is no remorse (grey). You are already forgotten. It is still painful. They never get better unless they are aware of their disorder. She still has not made it to the alter and she is over 50. I have to start feeling that I am better off without her.

[pcmaster]

That should be real damaging man. Life is unpredictable, some girls go, other comes in place. Anyway dude not just crazy girls give more to strangers than their boyfriends. Good that you didnt wasted and suffered anymore years. Keep the faith about your life. Go to church. visit gym, earn new friends and keep up with old ones. Doesnt matter just believe in something good. After every night comes day. Face the sun and shadow will stay behind your back.

[dem862]

On what grounds did she allege a restraining order was necessary?

[basilandthyme]

Why get that restraining order dismissed? (unless she habitually frequents places you like to go to) It was pretty much to your benefit. Good riddance and stay clear of her!

Perhaps restraining orders show up on a background check when we're looking for work. And if not in our country, perhaps in the OPs country? Would be an excellent reason to have it dismissed.

Also, if (heaven forbid) something was to happen to her, a guy who'd had a restraining order issued would be the first suspect. (Or do I watch too much TV?)

[Love'sReject]

Oh, good points, basil. Didn't think about that. Still, OP should keep his distance as though still tied to a restraining order. I knows lotsa guys who would keep trying to go back.,

[Rowen]

I'm not sure what you're looking for in advice, but honestly, it's best if you cut both of them out of your life. The restraining order is dismissed, so you're free. Delete them from your life. It'll be quick, and while it'll be a tiny bit painful, remember why you're doing it- they're trouble. In the end, once she screws over the friend of yours, maybe then he'll realize he should have seen the signs. But then again, I have no remorse for anyone who stabs their friend in the back.

Have a pleasant evening, sir.

[overanxious]

Yes, with borderlines, it is never about you, it is always about her. You are not what she WANTS, you are what she NEEDED at the time until she discards you after she has someone else. They think black and white with no grey inbetween. They start out idolizing you, then they cling to you, then they hate you, hence, the restraining order. Now my ex buddy is on the chopping block as the new white knight. Once they devalue you and you are discarded, there is no remorse (grey). You are already forgotten. It is still painful. They never get better unless they are aware of their disorder. She still has not made it to the alter and she is over 50. I have to start feeling that I am better off without her.

its how it goes down right there....its a total mind****.....the sad part is i watched my ex's uncle ruin his family(whom i was so close to, and still am , to his daughter and wife/ex wife)....they are practically teh same person.....unfortunately that woman still has to deal with him because they have a child together and while she is strong she isnt strong enough to cut ties.....even though everyone tells her....i wish id had the same type of support....except i protected my ex's image and everyone was so happy for me......and she was able to cut alot of people out of my life so that they couldnt say much.....

it was crazy how i sensed something wasnt right....but because of the entrapment i passed it off as her just being difficult.....her being the oldest of 3...i passed certain comments she made off....like "i hope i die before my parents"...shit like that....always bending over to help them so that she could feel loved...i had to listen to her complain about shit they did for her younger sisters years ago and how much it bothered her....like spending more on a prom dress or her sr high school pictures......even when i realized how desperate she was to feel loved i still let it go.......

cant criticise her for anything.....cant give advice.....her whole family is deeply religious she follows(used to go to church with her family every sunday)except when they need to trap someone....that shit goes out the door.....it really ****s you up......her family became super religious when her grandfather lost pretty much everything he owned(hes actually a supercool guy)...but then they all sort of adopted this philosopy which serves them when they need it...but they dont always abide me.....

ive looked up all the signs and symptoms....and ive been able to check of most of them....they are able to have empathy if you lose a loved one...my ex even made a wreath for my mothers grave and took me to buy flowers for her grave on mothers day....which was nice....they are able to feel empathy for things like that if its hit home for them at times....but when it comes time to look at your feelings and needs in the relationship? forget it.......

the worst part is...to outsiders and people they know casually...they are the best person in the world...my ex was gorgeous and charming...can win a room over easily.....but has no real close friends and anyone that gets to know them knows there is a dark person there....and her family knew it too....its almost like they are ashamed to admit or afraid of the stigma...or afraid to tell her because they dont know she will react.....they coddle her at times and at other times tell her how bad she can be....put in her a room with strangers or people that dont deal with her on a regular basis? these people think she is the most beautiful person in the world and would believe everything she says.....and would fall at her feet....

this disorder is amazing....even though the whole 2.5 years was tough...just simple respect and an ability to say "this isnt right anymore" would have been so sufficient....would have made it easy to be friends like she said she wanted.....but she had to do it the hard way....i understand the way this disorder works and how they act....still doesnt make it easy to accept.....just be somewhat mature and normal and end things the right way.....like i even asked if you werent into it anymore....it would have sucked still because i still loved....but it would have made things easier and acceptable

i didnt have boundaries...and believed all the bs.....the best friend statements...the soulmate shit....all the little things that you want to believe in...made you believe you were special.....and i said some things that i didnt mean that probably could have relieved some stuff....but it was the inner me eating at me...and i was given an ulitmatum not to say certain things that i couldnt help but say....she would beg me after she gave me that ultimatum "please dont ruin us...you are my best friend"....but she was calculated and was waiting for that time that she could push me...

its all entrapment shit until they find someone that will take care of everything for them and get so entrenched...just like i saw with her father...i spent so much time at her familes house...and saw this guy wanting to blow his lid at times...because he did everything....worked full days....still had to come home and take care of household chores(alot of which were passed on to my ex)....they had a 230lb dog.....and she would go out shopping and spend money and forget how long she was out....and he would want to blow his lid...but he couldnt because he was so entrenched.....this woman would wake up at noon and sit on the chair all day watching CSI...claiming to have fibromyalgia.....but she was really addicted to prescription pills....when they couldnt find a doctor to prescribe her meds he would ask his workers to go cop on the streets as his wife would claim she was in so much pain even to the point where she "didnt want to live anymore"....my ex had the phantom head/ stomach pains all the time(hey maybe they were real...who knows).....early on in the realtionship when she would open up about her mothers struggles i would say "please dont end up like your mother"...."oh i promise i wont i dont want to be like that"

when i learn not to yearn for that girl that i thought she was...ill be able to move on...even though i know what she really is...its still hard to accept...hard to accept you felt for an image and not a real person........we used to go out and drink and have tons of fun...eventually she convinced me my drinking was a problem and i quit(and she did too with me and we never drank)......only to see her go out and do the same with her new bf.....using the same exact quotes and music lyrics she would post on fb about me when we first got together with him too

we made it through some tough times between us....alot of close breakups ...and always seemed to be able to pull through......again i realize how this disorder is....but we always seemd to hold on....being with her was some of the most easy/peaceful nights of sleep ive ever had....i always felt at peace....even if we were seperated by miles i never felt alone.....now im in a different place and find it difficult to find that easiness/intensity with other girls.....its part of her disorder...but she made it so easy for me to fall in love and feel loved....even in some of our bad times

[4seasons]

I sometimes wonder if I am just hoping she has Borderline Personality disorder so I can justify getting dumped. In actuality, she has too many of the symptoms for it ti just be a coincidence. I still find myself wanting 100% confirmation but I know I will not get it unless I know she was officially diagnosed from a psychiatrist. All in all, whatever she has, it is a BEHAVORAL DISORDER. Her cognition is distorted. She can't self reflect and take responsibility. There is no empathy for what she has put me through. I have to believe it will happen to my ex buddy, when it does, I hope I am long into my healing. For those of us who were involved with a woman who is Borderline, we don't really miss the person, we miss the high that they put us on which gave us the obsession. She is like a drug and I am in withdrawal. It is a very difficult recovery.