Online dating

[SModfan84]

I've been out of the dating scene for a while. Been single for a few years just because work and my kids have been taking up all of my free time so dating just hasn't been a priority.

So, now my problem is I live kinda in the middle of nowhere and there's not a lot of places to go out and try to meet people with the exception of the 2-3 bars in town. But bars aren't really my thing so trying to meet someone there would probably just end badly. So, I figured I'd give the online dating thing a try because a couple friends of mine suggested it to me. Set up profiles on 3 different sites (all free sites, none of the ones you have to pay to use...so perhaps that is my problem). I email women and very rarely get responses (like 1 reply out of about 20-25 emails that I sent out) and I have yet to have anyone try to email me first.

Just wondering, should I give up the free sites and go with one of the ones you have to pay to use? Is this a common problem that people have or is it that I'm just that boring that no one wants to reply to me?

Anyways, any help would be appreciated. Just trying to figure out how to use the online dating world to actually get out there and have a date every now and then.

[dem862]

There are a tremendous amount of flakes on dating sites. The women get so many responses they get overwhelmed and stop reading them, except for entertainment or a good laugh. I wouldn't even waste your money on a pay site. I haven't found them to be any better. That being said, most of my dates in the last few years have been from either OKC or POF. Except I did have a relationship with a woman I worked with that sort of ended badly. I have found the women on OKC to be of marginally better quality than POF. I met my current squeeze on OKC last summer. She actually messaged me first. Twice. If you do go that route, you have to be persistent and keep trying.

[Rowen]

OKC and POF are okay for finding people; it's just a matter of finding which ones are worth it. I've just finished being on both of them for three years (I recently got a boyfriend), and I can tell you that dem is right completely. If they don't reply to you or they don't message you, a lot of times it's either because they're too shallow to talk to you and judge you based on your pictures, they're overwhelmed by the number of responses they get, or they judge you solely based on how your profile is written. It's screwed up.
But I will say that the ones who are truly worth it will talk to you. So, keep looking in real life while being patient online. For me, it took 3 years to find my current boyfriend; he messaged me first on OKC.

I hope this helps, at least a little. :S

[SModfan84]

Yeah, I figured that was how it was. POF and OKC were 2 of the sites I signed up for. I assumed all of the remotely attractive women on the site get messaged by every guy and then either don't reply to anyone or obviously only the ones that are the best looking. My profile probably isn't helping me get any responses because I'm horrible at trying to talk about myself. Just getting tired of taking the time to read profiles and write emails to different women just to end up never hearing back from any of them. It gets old fast, then I just end up sending the same generic 2 sentence email to everyone...which I'm sure goes over really well when/if the read it lol.

Looking in real life hasn't been much of an option due to living in the middle of nowhere...I try, but every time that I end up meeting a girl in person she ends up already having a boyfriend/fiance/husband. That's why I went with the online dating, but it's not working out any better lol

[Rowen]

lol That makes sense. I know it gets tiring, so maybe take breaks some nights? Otherwise, you'll probably get burned out like me and just end up window shopping for months/years on end. The "Meet Me" feature on POF can help get responses (at least it did for me, but then again, I was going after guys... :S ), but most of them turn out to be shallow ones. I only met a handful of people using "Meet Me" who weren't just all about looks.

That's sort of why I also went to online dating, actually, so maybe establish a distance of how far you're willing to travel? Then maybe narrow down who you want to respond to based on that? That way you don't end up like me and taking a 2 hour drive to go on one date.

[IndiReloaded]

If you are busy and serious about a relationship, go for the paid sites. I met my partner online this way. You'll meet like-minded professionals who are less likely to waste your time. Good luck.

[surfhb2]

Ive always had luck with Match.com in the past.....now im re-married because of it.

The key is to have a good profile thats is different. You need to think like the opposite sex when writing it. Search at the others guy's profiles....most of them are really lame. LOL Pictures of their trucks and house and stupid shiit. I just made up a bunch a funny random thoughts and facts about myself and received 4-6 emails a day avg.....not to brag

[IndiReloaded]

I just posted who I was and if they didn't like it, then too bad for them. Worked for me, I had lots of dates. I think there is enough variety and people on the bigger sites there is no need to artificially craft one's profile. I had a few of those guys ping me and I never returned their message they were so clearly contrived. It's better to be honest. If houses and trucks and lack of imagination is who those guys are, then they will attract the right kind of woman, yes?

[John Steed]

I have noticed, that on the said websites (POF and OKC) about 90% of the females are left wingers, and they will deeply hate you for mentioning in your profile that your are conservative or ever voted Tories. I do not want to pretend or hide my views. At first I did not mention anything in my profile about politics or my world views, but then if the person later found that out, she would stop taking to me, or even say something bad. Now I openly put it there, so that I would not waste my time on the people who will hate me just for my political views. Now I even get first exasperated messages, about how evil it is to be conservative, and how narrow-minded I am thus. Not to speak that no one ever replies to me. (Also, on OKC there is a question about what political views you hold, and my "conservative" is always in red, i. e. they already select the option that they do not want to even talk to non-liberal people.

PS I a not a religious conservative, I am just anti-socialist and pro-free market.

[IndiReloaded]

Anyone who deeply hates anyone they don't know on an online site for meeting people is issued... just saying, Steed.

[surfhb2]

I have noticed, that on the said websites (POF and OKC) about 90% of the females are left wingers, and they will deeply hate you for mentioning in your profile that your are conservative or ever voted Tories. I do not want to pretend or hide my views. At first I did not mention anything in my profile about politics or my world views, but then if the person later found that out, she would stop taking to me, or even say something bad. Now I openly put it there, so that I would not waste my time on the people who will hate me just for my political views. Now I even get first exasperated messages, about how evil it is to be conservative, and how narrow-minded I am thus. Not to speak that no one ever replies to me. (Also, on OKC there is a question about what political views you hold, and my "conservative" is always in red, i. e. they already select the option that they do not want to even talk to non-liberal people.

PS I a not a religious conservative, I am just anti-socialist and pro-free market.

Ughh! stay awsy from politics. Its just opinion anyway....which mean there's no right answer....which also means you need to respect that other persons view If you feel your love life is affected on something as trivial as socialism vs free market politics you have issues.

[Ann S]

Online dating:
1. Winks are an insult. They mean you didn't take the trouble to write something.
2. Too many photos are boring.
3. Most posts are about what YOU are looking for. Need to be more clever than that because, yawn, "I'm looking for someone with a sense of humor, without baggage, lots of fun, likes adventure, etc," is BORING!!!! So, "I want someone who will consider liking me more than she likes her dog!" While not fantastic, better than the normal stuff.
4. When you write, make it short and fun - like, "I really like what you wrote about yourself. Would you like to meet? And what would you like to do?" It is rare for a guy online to ask a woman what she would like to do....usually, let's meet for coffee - translation, "I'm not spending money on you, and I'm not creative." So how about suggesting a walk by the water, going on a picnic, taking your dog for a walk, taking a cooking class together, meeting for ice cream....not that these are extremely creative but they are a little better than a drink or coffee ......YAWN!
5. I'd vote for the paid sites......those on paid sites are willing to pay to find a relationship! They are more invested, or so I think.
6. Don't be sexy right off the bat!!!!! This is so tacky! And insulting! "I'm looking for a woman with an ample chest!" Yes, I have seen that! My thought was, so I'll stuff socks in there, will that be ample enough for you? LOL
7. Many men select someone to be their, "Favorite," like on Match.com, and the men never follow up! That is weird.

So there are a few thoughts. Hope that helps. Ann

PS - About politics - you might put: looking for someone who can have an unemotional discussion about varying points of view!

[Boisdevie]

I'm in my 40s and live in the middle of nowhere. I've used online and met people. But just like real life expect to meet your fair share of f.uckwits and loonies. Humour works well and try to write an interesting profile. I'm a guy and the number of times I've read profiles that tell you what the woman doesn't want - it's so very negative. Make it positive.

[michelle23]

Id say if you want to meet quality women who are looking for love-pay for a good site. I think dem just meets people for sex online (could be wrong but thats the impression I get) and its easy to meet trashy sex addicts on POF. There just looking for fun (most of them).

I think you should do a little research and find a good site. Be fussy also. Set your standards high.

Good luck

[John Steed]

which also means you need to respect that other persons view If you feel your love life is affected on something as trivial as socialism vs free market politics you have issues.

Well, I do respect the views of other people, I always say, that politics is a different matter and people who have political disagreements can still be best friends. But notwithstanding this, they still, whenever find out that, say, I am for free market and capitalism, they say they would never talk to "an imperialist white man in suit", and that whoever is not a socialist/left winger is stupid and narrow-minded. I have tried concealing my views for a while, it works, but when they found out, they begin avoiding me (not only in online dating but in general). The problem is that I could never imagine myself pretending my whole life and concealing my views, lying to my potential girlfriend that I love Obama or Hollande.
It seems to me that today we have a sort of a McCarthy type indoctrination in society. Can you imagine that in 1949 a decent girl would ever date someone who openly reads say Marx? And, therefore, that today one would date someone who supported Mitt Romney? I would say 60% of the girls, according to my observations, are like this in real life, and about 90% or so on online dating sites (POF and OKC).