First Post is a Hard One

[Wakeup]

Well, If the talking was before she met him and then she stopped all contact afterwards then that is even less for you to worry about because she didn't keep talking to him afterward. It was a one off just like your blow job was and that's that.

If you can't get over this then I suggest you talk to a personal therapist and dont worry about her going with you. This is your issue anyway and it's you that has to come to terms with what happened.

If you're not in depression now, then clinging to your thoughts of this will certainly cause you to be depressed. Seriously, do something productive and go to your doctor for a referral or start on that aversion therapy. You just keep coming back in a justifying why you should be in this state instead of even considering or at least trying some suggestions you've been given to help yourself to get mentally past your OCD thinking on it.

So: What are you going to do to help yourself? Lets here some of that now.

[Fireman447]

I have a Dr. appointment at 9:30 tomorrow. I'm going to talk with him about it. We also have a program through our Fire Dept., EAS (Employee Assistance Services) that offers counseling for me and my family free of charge.

Oh, and thanks to you all. I have an open mind, and appreciate all the relevent responses.

[Wakeup]

Well, done and good luck.

[michelle23]

i think the problem here is-you didnt deal with the issue properly at the time. you probably felt relief that she was guilty too at the time so just brushed it under the carpet, drew a line and said marriage is a fresh start.

but those unresolved issues have come back (as they always do) and now you have to deal with it. until you deal with it properly it wont go away. counselling is the best way forward.

good luck

[HeartIsAching]

he already did that... just like she did only difference is he thinks a blow job doesn't count as badly against him. pffft

Depends on whether she spit, swallowed or got out of the way.

[Wakeup]

.. good point ..

[IndiReloaded]

Fireman, this is about broken trust. Not the specifics of the physical act.

Are you saying you would feel less betrayed if some guy gave your wife oral but not intercourse? I doubt it. Each of you broke trust. This is something you can either forgive, or not. There is no 'degree of offense' in this, your male 'friend' is an idiot and probably hot for your wife and stirring the pot.

The only questions that should matter is: do you love each other? can you forgive each other? do you think it will ever happen again?

"Yes, yes, no" is the only combination that will work. Talk it out with each other, resolve the hurt, don't rug-sweep. Good luck.

[JustTooMuch]

Fireman,

I think you need to honestly consider if holding on to this is worth losing your marriage. Seek individual counseling if your wife wont go to marriage counseling. That can help you resolve this and let it go so that you can progress in your marriage without this weight on you. Best of luck to you.

[Fireman447]

I have an appointment with a counselor tomorrow. Never had to talk with someone before, so this is going to be tough.

[hassankhe]

Really thanks very much for your post

[Fireman447]

Things are getting better.

[Valixy]

^^ Glad to hear that

[michelle23]

great good for you