Life long guy friend acting different

[alaska]

(long, sorry!)

"Fred" and I met in 5th grade, when his family moved to our town. We were instant friends and have remained close ever since (attending the same elementary, middle, high school, and even university). After high school I took a "gap year" which turned into almost two years traveling to various states and countries working and having my adventures. After that I knew it was time to get the degree I wanted to I came back to college, where Fred is by now a Junior. We reconnected immediatly and have been hanging out ever since for the past 6 months, getting lunch, watching movies, grabbing coffee, whatever. Just talking.

A few weeks ago something very unfortunate happened. I was assualted by a man, and I didn't want to tell anyone. Another friend of mine could tell something was up, and knowing Fred is my best friend, she called him asking him to check up on me. He took me out for coffee like usual, and I told him what had happened. I started to see a different side of him that night, he kept telling me how much he cared about me. That if I ever needed him I could call him, day or night. I told him I'd known all of those things for 10 years, but he said that I needed to hear them and was tearing up. We got in the car and when the heat didn't work he offered me his coat, and then walked me to my door and hugged me for a long time (niether of us are big into hugging either, but I guess it seemed appropriate.)

All of the abovie are nice, but they don't necessarily indicate any romantic feelings. He could have just wanted to be a supportive friend. Then other things happened...

I have been seeing a guy just off and on, but I really had strong feelings for him. He decided he wanted to stop seeing me shortly after my attack, which I hadn't told him about and probably caused strain between us. I was in a bad place mentally and I told Fred. He asked me if I wanted himt o come over for the night and I said sure. He did. We held hands while I cried and told him everything. While we were talking I found out he had cancelled some important plans with another friend of ours to see me, and I said "Fred, you do have other friends...I would understand if you wanted to be with them insted." He said, "Yeah, I have other friends, but I'm not sitting up with any of them at 4 in the morning, am I?"

He said he didn't want me to be alone the next night either, and that was for the best. Its been a rough time for me and I liked having him there. He put his arm around my shoulders and I had my head on his chest. We were both tired, and I don't know if he noticed that his hand slipped to my thigh before he fell asleep. He had his chin on my head and before we both fell asleep he told me he thought I was a beautiful person inside and out, and than any guy who didn't see my good qualities wasn't worth it.

I was half asleep when he woke up. He gently put me down on the couch and for a minute he just put his hand on my shoulder and I could feel him looking at me. THen he covered me up with a blanket and went to the table and worked on a paper until I woke up and he he said goodbye. We hugged, nothing more than that.

I am pretty confused. Is he being just a supportive friend, or has something changed in the way he sees me? I know its impossible to tell from one side of a story, but best guess? Thanks!

[FlaCooln]

First off....sorry about your attack. I hope you reported it and they find the bastard.

I think you telling him that you were assaulted made him realize how important you are to him and made him want to protect you. He definitely cares for you, but the question is does he care for you more like a sister/friend or does he have romantic feelings?

IMHO there is a good chance he has romantic feelings based on his actions. I would figure out how you feel about him and then talk to him about it. Or the next time he is over and your cuddling give him a soft kiss on the neck and I think he will know you want something more.

Also, I wouldn't worry about making things weird by telling him, as I get the feeling he wants to be in your life no matter what. Sounds like a great guy, so go for it.

[edpjrr]

(long, sorry!)

"Fred" and I met in 5th grade, when his family moved to our town. We were instant friends and have remained close ever since (attending the same elementary, middle, high school, and even university). After high school I took a "gap year" which turned into almost two years traveling to various states and countries working and having my adventures. After that I knew it was time to get the degree I wanted to I came back to college, where Fred is by now a Junior. We reconnected immediatly and have been hanging out ever since for the past 6 months, getting lunch, watching movies, grabbing coffee, whatever. Just talking.

A few weeks ago something very unfortunate happened. I was assualted by a man, and I didn't want to tell anyone. Another friend of mine could tell something was up, and knowing Fred is my best friend, she called him asking him to check up on me. He took me out for coffee like usual, and I told him what had happened. I started to see a different side of him that night, he kept telling me how much he cared about me. That if I ever needed him I could call him, day or night. I told him I'd known all of those things for 10 years, but he said that I needed to hear them and was tearing up. We got in the car and when the heat didn't work he offered me his coat, and then walked me to my door and hugged me for a long time (niether of us are big into hugging either, but I guess it seemed appropriate.)

All of the abovie are nice, but they don't necessarily indicate any romantic feelings. He could have just wanted to be a supportive friend. Then other things happened...

I have been seeing a guy just off and on, but I really had strong feelings for him. He decided he wanted to stop seeing me shortly after my attack, which I hadn't told him about and probably caused strain between us. I was in a bad place mentally and I told Fred. He asked me if I wanted himt o come over for the night and I said sure. He did. We held hands while I cried and told him everything. While we were talking I found out he had cancelled some important plans with another friend of ours to see me, and I said "Fred, you do have other friends...I would understand if you wanted to be with them insted." He said, "Yeah, I have other friends, but I'm not sitting up with any of them at 4 in the morning, am I?"

He said he didn't want me to be alone the next night either, and that was for the best. Its been a rough time for me and I liked having him there. He put his arm around my shoulders and I had my head on his chest. We were both tired, and I don't know if he noticed that his hand slipped to my thigh before he fell asleep. He had his chin on my head and before we both fell asleep he told me he thought I was a beautiful person inside and out, and than any guy who didn't see my good qualities wasn't worth it.

I was half asleep when he woke up. He gently put me down on the couch and for a minute he just put his hand on my shoulder and I could feel him looking at me. THen he covered me up with a blanket and went to the table and worked on a paper until I woke up and he he said goodbye. We hugged, nothing more than that.

I am pretty confused. Is he being just a supportive friend, or has something changed in the way he sees me? I know its impossible to tell from one side of a story, but best guess? Thanks!

When he told you he found you beautiful inside and out....blah blah blah,it means he likes you as more than a friend.

[Loot77]

I think you feel it in your gut that something has changed, and you should probably trust this. You have known him long enough to sense these things.
Maybe you need to work out what your feelings for him are first.
You have had a rough few months so be careful you don't rush in to something whilst you are feeling emotionally vulnerable.
Take care x

[_Richard]

"Fred" almost certainly likes you more than just as a friend. I think most guys would recognise lots of the signs in what you've described.

The key is how you feel about him. If you don't think of him in that way, that's when it's difficult.

Also, even if you do see romantic possibilities you do both need to realise that should things go wrong your friendship may well suffer as a consequence.

Could be amazing though.

I hope things go well for you.