Hi there.
I feel a bit rude coming in here as a newcomer demanding some advice about my relationship! But I've gradually disconnected with forums over the years and don't really have an anonymous place to pour my feelings out. So I'm sorry if I appear to be rude.
Okay, firstly I'm a 23 year old male who's with a 22 year old female.
We e-met when we were 14 many years ago on a teen forum and continued to be extremely close e-friends right up until I was 20. She was the best friend I had ever had even though she was only virtual (bit sad maybe?).
So I decided to step it up a bit by visiting her (so scary) and it wasn't really a success at all. Mainly because I'm a bit anxious in new places with new people, I couldn't really let myself flow. Also looking at a physical human being who I only just met, yet knew everything about was strange.
Anyway, we agreed taking things further wouldn't work. Until she visited my home, which seemed perfect. And things started rolling from there.
Then it came to the next step, she agreed to move here and get a job, temporarily living with my parent until we found a place for ourselves which happened a few months on.
After a few happy-ish months, our path took a very dark turn down the path of drugs. But before you judge, please understand at this point I was against most substance abuse.
Y'see, for all that our relationship was extremely honest, she did manage to hide her (at the time) small problem with prescription drugs (just a mild codeine abuse).
However, as she experimented, the curiosity inside me inevitably grew so I joined in and in the course of time have taken a variety of things, but always tried to make sure I had control over myself, which I think I succeeded in. I think.
Sadly it wasn't the case for her, as she descended into deeper pit falls with her peek being the 'almighty' heroine. Thankfully that supply ended a while ago, she's now injecting some histamine crap.
Anyway, as I sit here now, home from work in one of my thoughtful moods, she'll be at work probably shooting up in the toilet on her break.
She's diabetic, so already has circulation problems, so clogging her veins up with this chemical which has destroyed all her veins won't be helping.
Anyway, it's been several months of this now, and with it has come stealing and lies. Our strongest attribute in our relationship was our honesty and now that's gone.
She's majorly depressed and has endulged in self harm in the past but never since being with me for 2 years until the other day. Her arms are a maze of track lines, infections, self harm cuts and lumps. They're ruined.
She has some serious issues that countless counsellors haven't solved since she was a child and her GP isn't much help in terms of drug abuse. However she is at least trying to solve her issues by seeking this help, albeit from my urging!
Now to me. I'm not a perfect person, no one is. But what drew me to this person initially was the troubled side of her. I enjoyed the challenge of helping her through obstacles throughout the entirety of knowing her. However, as you can imagine its becoming extremely exhausting to keep up with after 9 years.
All she seems to do now is wake up, work, get home, eat, take drugs and sleep. And repeat until the weekend where she will usually sleep 3/4 of it. She's extremely irritable, has no interests or hobbies, doesn't get dressed, doesn't cook or clean, just a general slob. I try to advise, but it's shot down as nagging.
Now I understand depression gives a lot of these symptoms - I've had my fair share as many people have - but my patience for it is ending. I can't tolerate her anymore. She won't listen, she just argues. I can't seem to get anywhere with her. It's been going on for so long now that I feel like a carer. And I'm tired.
There's no love, affection, lust, companionship anymore. Most evenings we argue.
It comes to my attention that I used to be the man for her. The one to guide her to a good life. But either me or her have changed because I'm not that man anymore.
Am I a bad person for changing? Or is she taking things a bit too far? I'm really bad at these grey coloured things.
I do try my utmost to help her, but it seems she doesn't like my advice. All I can picture is us going our separate ways and her probably ending her life as I'm the only person who means something to her.
I've tried chatting, being open, suggesting she should get a hobby like I did to stop abusing drugs but she disregards it.
FRUSTRATING. Help me.
And thanks to anyone who reached HERE. You star.
P.S. please don't tell me drugs are bad - I already know evidently!