Friends, lovers or what the heck are we ?

[sweetie276]

So basically I met this guy when I was 17, I am now 21 years old and we have pretty much been on/off the entire time we have known eachother so for five years. We have never been in an official relationship, at the beginning when we were teenagers he had just got out of a long term relationship before he met me and it was a pretty rough relationship that kind of scared him from getting into another one. Because he had a girlfriend when we first met I kind of just gave up on him straight away because he was taken but then they split up and he tracked me down and was the one that made the first move and everything was going great we were hanging out loads watching movies and we became romantic but we didn't sleep together or anything at this point. Then one night he kissed his ex at a party we were both at and thats when it all turned messy...

We had a bit of a rollercoaster ride then and silly games were played because we were young and just wanted to make eachother jealous really. We ended up sleeping together about 2 and half years later for the first time, he was really sweet about it all and never pressured me, he waited until I was ready which I thought was weird because we weren't even in a proper relationship. Then in August 2011 one night he had a go at me because he had seen a photo of me kissing someone else on a night out, I told him he had no right really to get annoyed and he told me that we should just be friends then and never get together again. It broke my heart and I was miserable for weeks, I had applied for university for the following year and the choice was between home (Ireland) and away in England. He was already going to the university at home and I had to make a decision whether or not to go to the same one as him or away. I chose to go away because of everything that had happened with him. When I came back home at halloween he told me that he missed me and that he didn't want to be just friends but we were both at different universities so a relationship wouldn't work etc and things started back up again. We kept hooking up everytime I was home and also hanging out, he would pick me up from nights out and he started to talk to me alot more.

Recently the past two times I have been home, in February there and now for Easter he has been acting really weird, he asked me to go down to see him at university the other week which I did and he acted really couply with me and cuddled me to sleep and said he didn't want me to leave and stuff then a few nights ago he picked me up after a night out and was saying he hoped he'd see me again soon.

I'm sorry that this is so long but I am so confused and I really need a guys point of view on what the hell this guy is playing at, five years is a long time and I know a lot of people would say hes using me and he just wants one thing and I could understand that if that's how we started but we didn't. We were basically unofficially dating for years before anything sexual happened and even now we still hang out because we are in the same circle of friends and just have a laugh. He really confuses me though I have no idea what he wants, whether he is scared to actually commit to me or whether he's just playing me, please help! ):

[Ann S]

Hi sweetie276: What are the issues that are causing you two to be, "off?"

"Then one night he kissed his ex at a party we were both at and thats when it all turned messy..." That was the time to make a graceful exit out of the, "relationship," which sounds more like just dating.

"It broke my heart and I was miserable for weeks" Why? This guy sounds irrational!

"he has been acting really weird" So he put on a good show for his friends? Cuddling you? etc. Did you ask him why he was acting weird?

So, even though my opinion is not coming from a guy, honestly, sweetie276, I hope you go find someone who is committed to YOU instead of playing all these head games. "Unofficially dating for years," who needs that? A guy who won't acknowledge YOU as a special person! You deserve much better. I think the bigger question is, why are YOU settling for such nonsense? Ann

[solip]

I have the exact same opinion as Ann, don't miss on other great guys because you're waiting for this one to commit, he doesn't seem like we will anytime soon

And if you want to find out what he's thinking, ask him straight out what is it he wants, I think you have the right to know after all this time, so just ask him.