I think I want to "turn it off". But how?

[Indestructible]

I've always considered myself the "hopeless romantic" type, and I've always hoped I'd have a relatively normal, happy, fulfilling "love life". But, I'm now 24, going on 25, and I've had zero success whatsoever. The loneliness and lack of intimacy have really been wearing me down over the years. I rarely encounter girls I like enough to want to ask out on a date, and because it's so rare that when I do find someone, I get so emotionally invested so quickly, that when they inevitably turn me down, it wrecks me. I'm still very much hung up over the last girl I was into, and that was months ago (although, it doesn't help matters that I still see her pretty regularly; that's out of my control, though).

Honestly, I can't say I believe it's possible for me to have any of that. I've been questioning whether there's anyone out there for me for the longest time, and now more than ever, I don't think I believe there is. And even if there is, I'll never be good enough for them to want to be with me. So, the only logical thing I can think to do is figure out how to "turn it off", "shut it down", if you will. I'm not just talking about being "okay with being alone", I'm saying I want to completely submit to the idea that I cannot have anyone in my life. I don't want to ever have "feelings" for a girl again. I want to be completely numb and resistant to the idea of dating, being in a relationship, etc. I basically want to not want it.

But how exactly do you go about doing that? Especially when I've always been that "hopeless romantic" type, and I've always wanted that "love life" so badly? How do I just remove that from myself?

[lamobatsman]

u want to become a sociopath?

[pcmaster]

Go to monestry. There will be no women and most of your energy will go praying God. After years you will find no need for sex cause your body and mind will atjust. All the love you need will come from God. He will be with you all the time and as more you belivieve in him as more strenght you will recieve.

God bless.

[Indestructible]

u want to become a sociopath?

I've never really known the proper definition of that word, so I just looked it up on dictionary.com. The definition says "a person with a psychopathic personality whose behavior is antisocial, often criminal, and who lacks a sense of moral responsibility or social conscience." I don't really see how any of that applies to me. This has nothing to do with lacking a conscience or morals, and certainly nothing to do with criminal-esque activities.

Go to monestry. There will be no women and most of your energy will go praying God. After years you will find no need for sex cause your body and mind will atjust. All the love you need will come from God. He will be with you all the time and as more you belivieve in him as more strenght you will recieve.

God bless.

Eh. Not really into religion, personally. I'd rather find a method that doesn't involve religious/ "spiritual" stuff.

[pcmaster]

Then just do something usefull and stop creating stupid topics.

[michelle23]

Get some counselling for your low self-esteem so you can stop feeling like "your not good enough"

Confidence and self-belief is key to knowing you are worth it and you do deserve her

[Indestructible]

Then just do something usefull and stop creating stupid topics.

Stupid? Geez, why so harsh? When someone wants something that they clearly can't have (for me, that being any semblance of a "love life"), isn't the logical thing to train yourself to stop wanting that thing?

Get some counselling for your low self-esteem so you can stop feeling like "your not good enough"

Confidence and self-belief is key to knowing you are worth it and you do deserve her

I don't really see how that makes any difference. When I'm pursuing a girl I like, for reasons I can't explain, my confidence goes pretty high and my insecurities disappear; it's not until after getting rejected that all that stuff comes back and I spiral back down. So, it's not like that stuff stops me from getting dates.

What I've learned is that my best qualities simply don't matter to the girls I hit it off best with. I know I'm not the best looking guy, or the coolest, most exciting guy, etc., so I have to rely on my better qualities (my intelligence, maturity, and sarcastic sense of humor) to do the trick. Except, whenever I manage to find a girl that I seem to hit it off with because of those qualities, they evidently don't do much for her. She ends up dating someone that's better looking, "cooler", and/ or more "exciting". So yes, my best qualities don't matter, they're not good enough.

[pcmaster]

I gave you the best advice but you dont even consider it. That shows you dont want really end the love life so name of the topic dont makes sense.

intelligence, maturity, and sarcastic sense of humor Sounds real boring to me. Guy who thinks hes smart, mature(wtf is that?) and sarcatist sense of humor - makes me think you are pesimist.

Look in dating sites, you wont find your qualities very desired.

How about witty, sensitive and just good humor. That makes much more sense. You have to be willing to change a little. Cause if you aproaching girls and it dont work then something is wrong with ya. Make your life interesting so you wont have these stupid thoughts of being alone.

[michelle23]

What about honest, hard working, committed, loyal, faithful, enthusiastic, positive, making an effort to satisfy her in bed, strong, confident, reliable, stable, secure, dependable??

A lot of women are looking for those qualities ^^. Do you have them?

[bcgirl]

You are only human and its human nature to want to love and be loved. It's the way we are wired. Love isn't that "fairy tale" story you see in movies that the first kiss lasts forever. Skim through this forum and you will see the much too common relationships involving infidelity and heartbreak etc. we all want to find that fairy tale romance. Reality is that more than 50% of marriages end in divorce. The best thing you can do is to gain confidence in yourself and be in dependant so when you do find a girl you will be able to handle a relationship better and have confidence enough in yourself to dump a girl if she doesn't meet up to your expectations. As for meeting girls, dating sites can be a great start.. But no normal girl likes a dependant, clingy guy.

[pcmaster]

What about honest, hard working, committed, loyal, faithful, enthusiastic, positive, making an effort to satisfy her in bed, strong, confident, reliable, stable, secure, dependable??

Thats way too much to ask for from any guy. If there is one like that bet his already taken by some amazing girl.

Just 3 of these charasteristics would be a lot for any average girl I think.

[Indestructible]

What about honest, hard working, committed, loyal, faithful, enthusiastic, positive, making an effort to satisfy her in bed, strong, confident, reliable, stable, secure, dependable??

A lot of women are looking for those qualities ^^. Do you have them?

I would say I have at least some of those qualities, if not most of them. Thing is, in my experience, sure, women would love those qualities in a long term partner, but typically, those things don't necessarily draw a girl in initially, you know what I mean?

intelligence, maturity, and sarcastic sense of humor Sounds real boring to me. Guy who thinks hes smart, mature(wtf is that?) and sarcatist sense of humor - makes me think you are pesimist.

Look in dating sites, you wont find your qualities very desired.

How about witty, sensitive and just good humor. That makes much more sense.

I'm not saying those are my only qualities, I'm saying that those are the most outwardly notable qualities I have that could potentially draw a girl in. I could be honest, committed, loyal, faithful, reliable, stable, secure, dependable, etc., but for the most part, those are passive qualities that are easy to overlook in a person. Again, generally speaking, I would say I'd categorize myself as those things (at least, the ones I just listed), but they're not qualities I make a point to broadcast to everyone, and most of my good gestures to people go unnoticed. I don't care that people don't really notice them, but I'm just adding to the point that these are qualities that are easy to overlook. You can be the best guy in the world, but if you don't possess some outward quality that will draw a girl in initially, no one is ever going to know. That's where I'm stuck at. I'm not going to toot my own horn and claim that I'm the best most wonderful guy ever, or anything like that, but I'd like to think I'm a pretty good guy. Yet, my outward qualities just aren't good enough, and even when I do make a good connection with a girl through them, it's still never good enough.

You are only human and its human nature to want to love and be loved. It's the way we are wired. Love isn't that "fairy tale" story you see in movies that the first kiss lasts forever. Skim through this forum and you will see the much too common relationships involving infidelity and heartbreak etc. we all want to find that fairy tale romance. Reality is that more than 50% of marriages end in divorce. The best thing you can do is to gain confidence in yourself and be in dependant so when you do find a girl you will be able to handle a relationship better and have confidence enough in yourself to dump a girl if she doesn't meet up to your expectations. As for meeting girls, dating sites can be a great start.. But no normal girl likes a dependant, clingy guy.

I'm not really looking for a "fairy tale" romance, though. Honestly, I'm looking for someone I feel like I can really talk to and have great communication with, I'm looking for someone with the same kind of sense of humor and outlooks/ observations as I am, all I want is someone I get along with better than anyone else. I know tons of problems and heartbreak comes with relationships; heck, every single marriage in my family is bad. Everyone in my family is married to someone they're not happy with for one reason or another. They either got married due to pregnancy, or just because they had no other options. Even my parents' marriage sucks. My mom hates my dad and treats him like crap, and constantly cheats on him with ex-boyfriends, and he just takes it, because what else can he do?

I don't want to end up like the rest of my family, but I don't even know if that's a fate I can escape. If none of them can get it right, how am I supposed to? Especially with how screwed up in the head I apparently am? I see my best case scenario as finding a girl that happens to like me a lot, and then I stay with her until she ends it, even if I'm not really that attracted to/ happy with her. And I don't want that for myself. I don't want to find myself in a situation where I have to pretty much take what I can get, but I don't see any other possibilities. I'm not good enough to attract a girl I'd really like to be with, and bad relationships/ marriages run in the family.

[michelle23]

I dont agree. When I meet someone the first thing Im looking for is honesty, trust, ensuring he is faithful etc and I dont believe that list is a lot to ask for in a man. My bf is all of those things. Im surprised any woman would settle for less than that. Maybe mine is just 1 in a million

I know a lot of men who have all or most of those qualities though. My dad, uncles, cousins, grandad and a lot of my bf friends.. Im surprised that pcmaster said its too much to ask for.

[michelle23]

I don't want to end up like the rest of my family, but I don't even know if that's a fate I can escape. If none of them can get it right, how am I supposed to? Especially with how screwed up in the head I apparently am? I see my best case scenario as finding a girl that happens to like me a lot, and then I stay with her until she ends it, even if I'm not really that attracted to/ happy with her. And I don't want that for myself. I don't want to find myself in a situation where I have to pretty much take what I can get, but I don't see any other possibilities. I'm not good enough to attract a girl I'd really like to be with, and bad relationships/ marriages run in the family.

That is a huge problem right there. Most the people in my family have great marriages and they are great role models which is probably why I have a great relationship as do my cousins.

The first thing you need to do is avoid making the same mistakes as your parents. Its great that you dont want a marriage like theirs and that is a good sign.

I still recommend you get some counselling though and start doing a lot of research on what constitutes a healthy relationship.

[Indestructible]

I dont agree. When I meet someone the first thing Im looking for is honesty, trust, ensuring he is faithful etc and I dont believe that list is a lot to ask for in a man.

Well, I suppose everyone sees things differently, but from my experience, those qualities never help draw girls to me. Like I said, I'm always missing those certain qualities that seem to be an initial draw to girls. So, being a good guy doesn't mean much if I can't initially drum up any interest from a girl.

That is a huge problem right there. Most the people in my family have great marriages and they are great role models which is probably why I have a great relationship as do my cousins.

The first thing you need to do is avoid making the same mistakes as your parents. Its great that you dont want a marriage like theirs and that is a good sign.

Easier said than done, though. As it is, I can very easily see myself settling for someone I'm not really that into, because I'll feel I won't have any options. I don't even have any options now. And again, if no one else in my family can get it right, why should I believe I can be any different?