Guys and Breakups

[Foreverloved]

So i need a males opinion on events also just really curious on how you guys deal with breakups. I know everyone goes through them differently but i want to know if there is a common theme. ill give you a little background on my situation just so you know where and why my questions are stemming from and also so i can kinda know what my ex was thinking maybe thinking and how he may be feeling. It is a recent breakup and i am not looking to get back with him but i still want to know.

I was with my ex for 4 years we broke up 3 weeks ago. It happened on St. Patty's Day. We were talking things were normal up until that night when he was out with his friends at the bar it was still early i was home with a fever and he knew this. He texted me saying we need to talk next time i see you. I asked about what and he said "We've been trying to work on us for a long time and it doesn't feel any different" (which btw we worked on it for maybe two weeks and it was all me doing the working on he wouldn't even take me on dates claims he never had the money yet he always wanted to see me all the time.) He even invited me that night to join his family to celebrate his moms birthday but i couldn't go because i was sick. Anyways i said to him that well it would feel different if he worked on it as well and if we saw each other more don't worry in the summer i will move in like you wanted me to and we will be able to work on us. he said "that's the thing i cant see myself living with someone like you sometimes you piss me off and i cant handle it then went onto say i don't think i love you the way that i thought i did or as i use to." I was floored freaked out and instead of meeting him to talk just dumped him right then and there saying i couldn't be with someone who cant stand me also it was him begging me to move in after school was done so i don't get where this came from. Yes we had our issues but what couple doesn't.

Anyways he didn't say anything after he blocked me on fb and we haven't spoken since. Also due to school i maybe saw him once a week sometimes two weeks would go by and this was our relationship for 4 years summer we would spend every waking moment together and then once school came it was way less. Also side note on my ex he got a new job but its a labouring job so no work in the winter he bought a new car and was really worried over his car payments and money situation and also had debt to pay off too. so he was really stressed around this time and i was trying to help him but i couldnt always be there and he had all the freedom in the world and he doesnt live with guilt well so he defiantly didn't cheat.

So my questions are

1.) What the hell happened why all of a sudden would he tell me this? (ps i asked him if anything was up and if he still felt the same about me and he said yes i love you so much i cant live without you and that was two days before we broke up)

2.) How do you think he is feeling now three weeks later?

3.) He unblocked me from facebook this past monday why did he do this?

4.) I really want to sit down and talk to him about all this even if its just to say goodbye properly and not over a text message. Do you think this is a good idea and when do you think i should be doing this if so?

5.)Do you think i over reacted and should have waited to talk to him and maybe we would have had a chance or is what he said pretty much he was going to dump me?

6.) We've broken up before for a month and a month later he texted me wanting to talk only he dumped me that time not the other way around. Do you think he will do that again? (this was a year ago and he swore to never do it again and he didnt i did it.)

I would really appreciate a males point of view on this because i dont want to do something and its a total nono to guys.
Thanks

[dickriculous]

1.) What the hell happened why all of a sudden would he tell me this? (ps i asked him if anything was up and if he still felt the same about me and he said yes i love you so much i cant live without you and that was two days before we broke up)

2.) How do you think he is feeling now three weeks later?

3.) He unblocked me from facebook this past monday why did he do this?

4.) I really want to sit down and talk to him about all this even if its just to say goodbye properly and not over a text message. Do you think this is a good idea and when do you think i should be doing this if so?

5.)Do you think i over reacted and should have waited to talk to him and maybe we would have had a chance or is what he said pretty much he was going to dump me?

6.) We've broken up before for a month and a month later he texted me wanting to talk only he dumped me that time not the other way around. Do you think he will do that again? (this was a year ago and he swore to never do it again and he didnt i did it.)

I would really appreciate a males point of view on this because i dont want to do something and its a total nono to guys.
Thanks

1) Could be any number of things. Maybe there's another woman. Maybe he told you he loved you when he really didn't because he didn't want to be alone, and then decided "eh fukk it". Chances are he's felt this way for awhile now, but he just recently decided to tell you.

2) No idea. Sorry, not a mind reader.

3) See #2

4) I always follow the no contact rule after a breakup. Makes things so much easier.

5) It sounds like the relationship was just about over regardless of how you reacted or what action you would have taken.

6) He might. If you go no contact it might drive him crazy and make him want you more, but if it were me I would still say no. The fact that you've now broken up twice tells me that you are wrong for each other. Don't count on it though, don't expect anything. Just be prepared to handle every situation as it comes.

As far as "nonos" for guys, don't play with him. I hear a lot of cases of girls breaking up with their boyfriends and then showing them small cameos of affection and attention for whatever reason while they have no real intention to get back together. Depending on what type of guy he is, he will either fall for it and desperately chase you until you inevitably wreck his soul, or see right through it and lose all respect for you. Not really much middle ground on that one from what I've seen.

Also, don't "reverse monkey branch", meaning don't go your own way now and if shit doesn't work out try to get back together with him out of resignation, like he's a security blanket.

[basilandthyme]

What do you mean by "all of a sudden"? According to a prior post of yours, the relationship has been on the rocks for ages. By the time your relationship gets so bad that it 'needs to be worked on', it's pretty much over anyway.

I know you said that you ended things with him, but his message was very clearly a breakup on its way. I'd call it a mutual agreement.

Just go No Contact until you get over him....there's really nothing to talk about.

[overanxious]

What do you mean by "all of a sudden"? According to a prior post of yours, the relationship has been on the rocks for ages. By the time your relationship gets so bad that it 'needs to be worked on', it's pretty much over anyway.

I know you said that you ended things with him, but his message was very clearly a breakup on its way. I'd call it a mutual agreement.

Just go No Contact until you get over him....there's really nothing to talk about.

agreed...its sad when what was once a wild and intense romance has met its end...boyz 2 men wrote a good song about it...its really sad...especially if you were the one that was still hanging on...i know deep down me and me ex would have never worked out and it wasnt really working....but its still hard to get over....especially if you seemed to care just a little more.....i still dont know how to stop thinking about it or get over it....but that advice given to you is probably right......things could/would never be the same

[michelle23]

I still think there was another woman or women during your 4 year relationship. When its on/off etc-it makes sense and you should have walked away the first time instead of wasting 4 years!