Physical attraction V.S. Dating

[michelle23]

All men want to have sex with women they find physically attractive. Having an emotional connection, lasting friendship, love, whatever...that's a whole different story. When you get to know someone their appearance changes in your eyes. Suddenly, that hot body, nice skin and all the attractive physical features fall into the background and their personality is what you think of first. That's been my experiences anyway. I lived with this super hot guy once and all I thought about around him was sex for about a year...then as I got to know him really well he became unattractive to me.

I dont agree with this. Many of the men I know want the whole package. I know lots of men who are not interested in having sex with lots of hot women. Some prefer relationships and look for the personality and the looks all rolled into one.

I also dont look at a hot guy and think "wow id love to bang him" lol. for me if I dont know them its like looking at a robot. I want the whole package too

[Maple1714]

I dont agree with this. Many of the men I know want the whole package. I know lots of men who are not interested in having sex with lots of hot women. Some prefer relationships and look for the personality and the looks all rolled into one.

I also don't look at a hot guy and think "wow id love to bang him" lol. for me if I dont know them its like looking at a robot. I want the whole package too

I said all men WANT to have sex with attractive women they see...at first. I didn't say they do have sex with them. It's just a fantasy. Being truly interested in someone past first glance / past an appearance is different. Most men and women want the whole package...tha's what I was saying. I am saying the same thing you just said in response. I guess I didn't articulate well enough.

I look at men on the surface at first. I look around a room and scope out the attractive men and wonder if I would have sex with them or not...or what it would be like etc...fantasize. But, that's all it is. I think it's gross to go around having sex with a lot of people....

[edpjrr]

I think when it comes to all dating, a minor part of it is the attraction. I'm not trying to sound shallow, but it's the first thing that we typically see. It doesn't have to be the magazine cut out of the perfect man or woman. It's just something small- like eyes or hair. Something that draws us in to want to know more about that person.

And once we know more about them? Looks become even less relevant because we become attracted to their personality even more.

I'm not going to say there aren't a number of people who are generally shallow and associate good looks with love. But this is just how I think it works in most cases.

"I think when it comes to all dating, a minor part of it is the attraction."<---I think for most guys,it's a MAJOR part of it instead of MINOR.

[edpjrr]

I'd say it's more like this - looks are a HUGE factor in terms of getting someone's attention for both genders, the role of appearance in terms of initial attraction is undeniable, but once your foot's in the door looks suddenly have less potential to carry the day.

I'm not enough of a pussy to deny that nice tits and a shapely ass will get my attention and I'm not delusional enough to think that denying it would make me a part of some grand moral crusade, but neither am I blind enough to think that those are enough to make you relationship material.

Good looks = attention grabbing.

Good personality = attention maintenance.

You can see how this gets frustrating for those who rank very high in one area and not so high in the other.

You can see how this gets even more frustrating for those who rank not so high in both of these.

[edpjrr]

I dont think Flacoolns standards are too high. he pretty much summed up my standards in a man. lol and lots of people have the whole package. Looks, brains, sense of humor, personality. I dont think thats too much to ask for as long as you have all or most of those things yourself. The thing is that most these people are already taken and there is a que lining up behind them I bet Flacooln has a bunch of secret admirers.

Anyway I dont agree with the OP at all. I know lots of good looking guys who are with girls that I wouldnt consider particularly attractive but he obviously thinks she is. And the same with girls-I know lots of model women with "average" looking guys. I hate that word though.

OP why does this bother you so much? Do you consider yourself "average"?

I mean most people dont look at someone and think "uh they are ugly" or "shes average" lol. Only incredible insecure people pick at all other peoples flaws. The only time I have looked at someone and thought "ewww" is if they have no teeth or if they are morbidly obese..

"The thing is that most these people are already taken and there is a que lining up behind them"<---This reminds me of a friend of mine.She basically has the whole package - looks,intelligence,sense of humour,sense of fashion and personality.She has a hot body and always put tons of her pictures on fb showing her cleavage and massive tits. She's VERY popular among guys.Every time she goes clubbing,guys just approach her. All/most of the guys she gets with are HOT guys (eg.six packs,muscular...etc..) and most of them are rich! She's just 22 and has already got with at least 20 guys in her life..but most of these guys were not her boyfriends. She just went on a few dates with them and had sex. Some of these guys used to be her boyfriend,but their relationship didn't last long.

To be honest,I'm a bit jealous of her. A lot of guys give her attention but not too many guys give me attention.I know I'm not as hot and intelligent as her. I don't have a hot body and I'm plain-looking.I don't wear make-up and I'm very lazy to dress up.I wear my old-fashioned glasses every day and put on casual clothes(sometimes ugly clothes but they are comfy). Almost all of my friends hate my glasses and my thick coat.Some of them even told me,"I really want to burn your coat and throw your ugly glasses out of the windows.Come on!You need to get a new coat!" That's probably the reason why I don't get a lot of dates(romantic) from guys cos I'm not very physically appealing. Luckily I have loads of friends (both girls and guys).They like hanging out with me cos they told me I'm a lovely,interesting,outgoing and bubbly person.

"I mean most people dont look at someone and think "uh they are ugly" or "shes average" lol."<---really?but this only applies to girls instead of guys.From my experience,a lot of guys(especially the younger ones) always rate girls behind their back.I often hear guys say something like these 'she's attractive','she's fat','she's fit','she's ok','i would give her a 5 out of 10','hey,do you think she's attractive?' and so on. Every time guys are asked to give a reason why they don't like a girl,they just say 'cos she's not attractive!' or 'she's ugly'. They just focus on girls' looks but not their personality.

[bearz]

So why don't you try to change a few things about your physical appearance? Do you agree with what your friends are saying about your coat and your glasses? If you do, why don't you try to change something? Just a different pair of eyeglasses can make a huge difference... they can actually be quite sexy with the right frames. But it really sounds to me that you are actually content with the way things are and you don't want to change. Am I on to something here?

[Maple1714]

Yeah, just change some easy things about your appearance. You can have a hot body too if you work at it....big boobs if you really want. You shouldn't feel jealous of your 22yr old friend. All that attention she gets, I'm sure feels nice...but most of it is superficial. Think about it. You should also try not to put yourself down so much. You can absolutely change the way you look, but the bigger issue is your self-esteem. Everyone is an individual, including you. You have to play up your best qualities and be yourself. Guys see you, and I am sure you have some admirers among your male friends, but you might be too wrapped up in your own self pity to realize it.

I say, ask your mom or a friend to help you...get some contacts, new clothes and join a gym and work out everyday for 3 months. Go out with some confidence.

[bearz]

Something I want to add, you might be jealous of that one girl, but I'm sure you wouldn't be jealous of all the drooling idiots hitting on her all the time. Being that popular among guys brings a lot of baggage with it, too. Unless of course you just want to have sex with as many different men as possible, as it seams to be the case with her. But I have a feeling that that's not you.

If you really want to get more guys' attention, just start changing little things and see what happens. See if it makes you feel more confident after you get a couple of compliments from different people.

[Starnique]

I know Im late on this but I dont think its too much to ask for, personality, looks, intelligence. I personally have to be attracted to the person. So since I know some people with all those characteristics exist, I will just go out with those people.

[Starnique]

dude, just get another coat and a diff glasses or contacts (clear) I dont like men wearing colored contacts.

[Starnique]

oops, my apologies...Your a girl. See! The way your describing yourself. Freshen up, you should be okay. Im sure your beautiful underneath those glasses and thick layers of coat.

[Rowen]

"I think when it comes to all dating, a minor part of it is the attraction."<---I think for most guys,it's a MAJOR part of it instead of MINOR.

Well, you're entitled to your opinion. lol And I'm entitled to mine.

[edpjrr]

So why don't you try to change a few things about your physical appearance? Do you agree with what your friends are saying about your coat and your glasses? If you do, why don't you try to change something? Just a different pair of eyeglasses can make a huge difference... they can actually be quite sexy with the right frames. But it really sounds to me that you are actually content with the way things are and you don't want to change. Am I on to something here?

I kind of agree with what my friends are saying about my coat and my glasses,but I'm too lazy to change it.Sometimes I think,"why do I need to change myself in order to impress other people? I can't impress everyone.I just want to be myself and do whatever I want"

Would it be possible if I don't change this but I can still get what I want?

[michelle23]

"The thing is that most these people are already taken and there is a que lining up behind them"<---This reminds me of a friend of mine.She basically has the whole package - looks,intelligence,sense of humour,sense of fashion and personality.She has a hot body and always put tons of her pictures on fb showing her cleavage and massive tits. She's VERY popular among guys.Every time she goes clubbing,guys just approach her. All/most of the guys she gets with are HOT guys (eg.six packs,muscular...etc..) and most of them are rich! She's just 22 and has already got with at least 20 guys in her life..but most of these guys were not her boyfriends. She just went on a few dates with them and had sex. Some of these guys used to be her boyfriend,but their relationship didn't last long.

She doesnt have the whole package. Most men dont want a slut as a gf. She uses her body to get what she wants-thats all-she might as well be a hooker and she is not respected the way you would be. Those guys are idiots who are only looking for fun. Your looking for a real man that respects you (I presume) you dont want to be used..

"To be honest,I'm a bit jealous of her. A lot of guys give her attention but not too many guys give me attention.I know I'm not as hot and intelligent as her. I don't have a hot body and I'm plain-looking.I don't wear make-up and I'm very lazy to dress up.I wear my old-fashioned glasses every day and put on casual clothes(sometimes ugly clothes but they are comfy). Almost all of my friends hate my glasses and my thick coat.Some of them even told me,"I really want to burn your coat and throw your ugly glasses out of the windows.Come on!You need to get a new coat!" That's probably the reason why I don't get a lot of dates(romantic) from guys cos I'm not very physically appealing. Luckily I have loads of friends (both girls and guys).They like hanging out with me cos they told me I'm a lovely,interesting,outgoing and bubbly person.

And why dont you change your look if it bothers you so much?? I bet you could be smoking hot if you made an effort. Ill help you with your makeover if you like You should not be jealous of her. Shes just being used and she lets them use her.

""I mean most people dont look at someone and think "uh they are ugly" or "shes average" lol."<---really?but this only applies to girls instead of guys.From my experience,a lot of guys(especially the younger ones) always rate girls behind their back.I often hear guys say something like these 'she's attractive','she's fat','she's fit','she's ok','i would give her a 5 out of 10','hey,do you think she's attractive?' and so on. Every time guys are asked to give a reason why they don't like a girl,they just say 'cos she's not attractive!' or 'she's ugly'. They just focus on girls' looks but not their personality.

Not all guys do that whole rating thing. We have already had numerous debates on here about that. Again just the really insecure idiots are hurtful like that.

I would consider myself someone who has "the whole package" without being cocky or mean but I dont **** random men coz I also have confidence, self-respect and high self-esteem. Your "friend" is a loser. She could have men eating out of the palm of her hand if she wanted to. Jeez she has thousands of options and could literally find herself one of the best men in the world but instead she spreads her legs for anyone who shows her some attention lol.

[michelle23]

I kind of agree with what my friends are saying about my coat and my glasses,but I'm too lazy to change it.Sometimes I think,"why do I need to change myself in order to impress other people? I can't impress everyone.I just want to be myself and do whatever I want"

Would it be possible if I don't change this but I can still get what I want?

Babe you are not changing the way you look for other people. You are doing it for you so you dont feel bad about yourself anymore. **** what everyone else thinks. Its about what you think when you look in the mirror. In order to look good-you have to "feel good" and you dont but some positive changes could change all that.