Women: Is this the friend zone or a test?

[HDBadger]

I'm confident I just got plopped firmly in the friend zone, but I figured I might as well try to learn from the experience by getting a little feedback.

Background: I met a woman. Thought she was interesting and attractive, so I immediately got her number. We flirted a bit, continued some flirting by text for a week or so, and I asked her out to lunch and a fun afternoon over the weekend. She said yes. We grabbed some sushi and had a fun, relaxed, and generally all-around good time. Held hands. Flirted a bit. She comes across reserved and more old-fashioned, so I hugged her instead of going for the kiss. We both said we had a good time after the date. Everything seemed positive to me.

Fast forward to another day and I was teasing her about whether she would try to make out with me the next time we met. Then, when I flirted about making out with her she responds, point blank: "I would mind. Don't try. We're friends."

I was taken aback by the response, so I left it alone and didn't acknowledge it.

This comes across, obviously, as about a big a sign as disinterest as you can get. I don't plan on pursuing her anymore.

The only other thing I'll add is that she's only lived in the U.S. a couple years, and comes from a place where I believe the women are known for being more reserved and distant. I'll admit there is a cultural dynamic with her that I'm not used to.

So that's it. What can I do better next time? It's cool if a woman isn't attracted to me. I know that happens. I'd just like to know if there's any way I can improve on this interaction.

Thanks to anyone who responds.

[smackie9]

You couldn't have done anything different, so don't worry about it. You win some you lose some.

[Ann S]

"We both said we had a good time after the date. Everything seemed positive to me." You put great thought and effort into this date. Good for you.
We need to acknowledge things we don't understand, by asking, "could you explain what you mean by that?" or "Let's see if I understand what you said,".....then repeat it back. Did you ask her how people date in her culture? This is a huge issue: some immigrants won't let their offspring jump into the American culture - they often think it is corruptive. I'd ask her. Then you'll know for sure.
As for doing better next time? You sound like a great guy who just isn't courting a receptive female. As far as you have reported, you did everything right....and don't change! ANN

[Wakeup]

Fast forward to another day and I was teasing her about whether she would try to make out with me the next time we met.

An inappropriate thing to have said to someone that you clearly read as being "old fashioned."

You are'nt compatible so best you know now then later.

[HeartIsAching]

Yes, you've been friend-zoned. Pretty cut-and-dry

[Valixy]

In countries that are a little bit more old fashioned a girl is not encouraged to be very open about her romantic and sexual side when meeting or dating a man, but to take things slowly and 'repress' her sexuality until the man shows that he has a serious interest in her, and this doesn't mean that he has to be interested in marrying her but simply willling to dedicate some time to get to know her. Otherwise the guy might never take her seriously and he might actually think bad of her, the old story... In some way she is supposed to say no and to reject him sometimes... She can very well be very attracted to him and even feel provoked by his advances but most of these girls are well trained, they will know how to look pretty indifferent as if the teasing doesn't really have an effect on them.

If she comes from one of those countries, holding hands in the first date was a pretty good start, I would say. She liked you and not just as a friend. Then I think you were too abrupt, your choice of words was not ideal and too soon, after just one date. You have to suggest and to stir physical emotion and not ask openly for it. It's like asking a girl if she wants a kiss before you have taken the time to create the environment for that kiss to happen naturally or even better, make her to desperately want one.

You will just have to try harder, build up more trust and passion, suggest and incite instead of simply asking for what you would like to happen between you two. According to her education she will make an effort to look slightly indifferent but if she keeps seeing you that means she's interested in you and if you take the time until she reveals herself, you might be surprised at how much she actually wanted you all that time when she was managing so well to look as if she didn't.

So, yes, it could be a test or it could be just her feeling she had to say no to such an open question... But this doesn't mean that she doesn't like you. You will only be able to know this if you try to meet her again.