Really confusing.... Please HELP !!

[maverick16]

Hi friends,

I had a issue with friend of mine. I hope you can help to sort it out.

Here is the story.

I had a friend. I knew her from childhood. Now we are living in separate places, but we are in keep touch through phone conversations and chatting. She is very lovely in nature. She shares all her stories and her feelings with me. i comfort her whenever she feels low and show sympathy for her. Importantly to say, We are not lovers, we are just friends and my love upon her is always in friendship. And i love to pamper her. She is like a child to me. Always she is.

Few months back, we had a small fight regarding to not respond to my call. The reason for not answering my call she said was, she is talking to a boy who is her family friend. she keeps say sorry to me for not attending my call, then that problem was over. After that incident whenever she is talking to me, she keeps mention about that boy. like he is very kind, he shows empathy to her, he pampering her with pet names, etc, etc. And i don't like that. I know it is up to her to choose whom she likes to talk to. it is her freedom and i don't have any right to stop that. But, preferring other over me for sharing her feelings makes me jealous. I admit it. she knew that, i'm not feel comfortable about talking about that boy. But she intentionally do that, i assume she makes me jealous and if that so, she succeed in it. Although i'm not fall in love with her, but her preference for him over me hurts me very much. why she prefer him over me to tell her feelings...? Is i'm not comfortable for her now...?? or Is she not like me...??

After few weeks, she completely stopped talking to me. she avoids to take my call or reply to my messages. I really really got confused. what happened to her...?? the world is literally went blank for me. Those times were really hurtful, i spend many sleepless nights to finding answer for her act. I said sorry, if i'm done anything wrong unconsciously, although i'm not done anything wrong. After many messages and many calls, there is no single response from her. We have a mutual friend, her roommate. i talk to that mutual friend, i explain my situation and demand reason from my friend for avoiding me. But that is not fruitful, she keeps mum whenever our mutual friend ask her the reason. But, whenever i speak to our mutual friend she makes disturbances between our conversation, like she asking that friend where a water bottle is..? she wants me to know she is there. or, she makes call to that boy for a talk when i'm talking to our mutual friend. she knew our mutual friend will tell me her conversations with that boy. But she intentionally doing that. why is she hurting my feelings...??


I just want to clear my thoughts.


1. Is she makes me jealous...? If that so, WHY...??


2. She want to inform me that, she keeps talking with that boy. She want me to know that, she likes to share her feelings and love with him over me. it's true, she sharing all her feelings with him now. she is very much attached to him now.

But, why..??. If she is not like me in her life, she can say to me directly. i will surely leave her in peace, although which is very much painful. I just want her to be happy forever. Then why she deliberately keep hurting my feelings...?


3. My other friend says, she falls in love with me. Is that real, is she falls in love with me...??


4. If she falls in love with that boy, then i have to keep move on with my life. Before that, I want to make sure, she doesn't want me in her life. Because, i don't want to leave her alone. she may hurt my feelings, but i can't hurt her.

Do you find any reason to believe that she doesn't want me in her life...??



Dear friends, I just want to clear my mind, this issue is keeping pressure upon me. I have not any matured friends, who understand my feelings and give advice to me. I hope i can get that in this place.


Thank you.

[maverick16]

Only viewing....No reply??

Please help me friends.

[lamobatsman]

u obivoulsy like her. u just need to admit it to urself

[Ann S]

"After that incident whenever she is talking to me, she keeps mention about that boy." Well, are you a censor? She can talk about anyone she wants.

"makes me jealous" - are you thinking you own this girl? You aren't in a relationship and actually you have no say about what she does. Just the way you report your relationship suggests that you have a control issue and you like her talking to you so you can feel like the expert and give her advice. It's an ego boost for you.....catering to the victims and helpless. But her behavior suggests she didn't like your attitude, didn't it?

" i assume she makes me jealous" To assume anything is a huge mistake. What keeps you from going to the source? HER??????

"We have a mutual friend, her roommate. i talk to that mutual friend, i explain my situation and demand reason from my friend for avoiding me. " You DEMAND????? YOU have now introduced a third party and are trying to manipulate her to give you information about a person who has dropped out of a relationship with you. And you are DEMANDING? What right do you have to think you can DEMAND anything?????

1. Is she makes me jealous...? If that so, WHY...?? YOU make yourself jealous - she's just living her life and you don't have a say about how she lives it, and that makes you angry, I bet.


2. She want to inform me that, she keeps talking with that boy. She want me to know that, she likes to share her feelings and love with him over me. it's true, she sharing all her feelings with him now. she is very much attached to him now. And this is none of your business. She is a free agent to do what she wants, and I didn't hear she ever asked you for your opinion about this.

But, why..??. If she is not like me in her life, she can say to me directly. i will surely leave her in peace, although which is very much painful. I just want her to be happy forever. Then why she deliberately keep hurting my feelings...? I suspect that this girl feels a relief to be out from your controlling behavior. Her actions tell you all you need to know - that she has moved on and loves someone else. You have to accept that and move on.


3. My other friend says, she falls in love with me. Is that real, is she falls in love with me...?? What does your friend know? Has HE/SHE asked her?


4. If she falls in love with that boy, then i have to keep move on with my life. Before that, I want to make sure, she doesn't want me in her life. Because, i don't want to leave her alone. she may hurt my feelings, but i can't hurt her. Her actions assure me that she has moved on and so should you. You asking her friend about her is invasive and disrespectful.

Do you find any reason to believe that she doesn't want me in her life...?? We don't need a reason. She has moved on, and as painful as this is for you, I hope you examine your apparent controlling ways and move on. Good Luck. Ann