I tried to make love to her and now she doesn't wanna talk to me + says it's over :(

[donaldplozha]

I am 19.5 years old and I am in a relationship with a girl I love more than anyone else, since 1 year and 3 months. She is 17.5 years old.

Now, we have had some fights about different reasons, like every other couple, I suppose.
In the sexual aspect of our relationship, we have gone gradually, from kissing on the first date to further advancement until we did oral sex to each other at our 6th date.
I live in a city that's about 100 km away from where she lives, so our relationship is one in distance.

Now, we have engaged ourselves in everything sexual but sex itself. She is a virgin. I am not.
After 1 year and 3 months, I decided that maybe it was time I took a step forward and created the opportunity for us to have sex, since we love each other and I think it's quite normal that two people that love each other, have sex.

I went to the city where she lives, we set a time when we would meet. In the mean time, I found a nice hotel. I had bought some candles 3 months ago that were shaped as hearts and smelled good. I bought two roses, as I wanted to spread the rose petals in the bed, to make the environment more romantic. I met her, I hugged her and I told her that I had missed her body, as I really had. We started walking. She asked where we headed. I told her that it was a surprise. I could see she started feeling a bit uncomfortable as she wanted to know where we were going, but it would ruin my surprise if I told her and add to that, the hotel wasn't far away from there, so I didn't tell her anything. We went at the hotel door and I told her she would wait 5 minutes, then I would ring her phone and she would come up to room nr.2. She accepted silently. In the mean time, I went to the room, spread the rose petals in the bed, lit up the candles, closed the curtains and rang her phone. She came to the room and was happy. At least so it seemed to me.

We layed in the bed, she started spoiling herself, laughing, we started playing with each-other and I liked that. Then I started kissing her a little, she started kissing me back, we went on cuddling each other, she jumped in top of me and she looked horny. Then she started unzipping my pants and started giving me oral sex. I liked that too, simple to understand, I believe. After 10 minutes or so, I told her to lay back because I wanted to satisfy her orally, too. With the information I got, it's important to satisfy a woman through oral sex as it is the key to turning her on and bringing her the desire to have sex. She said she didn't want to. I asked why and she said she wasn't feeling comfortable with what I wanted to do. I didn't understand that and tried to "not listen" to what she said, I started kissing her easily in her lips, around her neck, and when I tried to go down on her, slowly, she again rejected. In that moment, since I am not the kind of person who likes to do things against another's will, I just stopped and I was feeling awfully bad. She saw that and grabbed my head with her hands, started kissing me and cuddling me. I couldn't make a move, I had just freezed right there, over her. She saw that and then stood up telling me that I had to understand her, as she wasn't feeling comfortable. She still hadn't understood that all that environement, which is not what she deserves, but still, is what I can give to her right now to make her feel special, was created by me so that we could have our first time. That made me feel even more dissapointed and I told her that. She opened her eyes like something terrible had happened and started looking at me with anger. After 5 minutes of me telling her that I didn't understand why we hadn't had sex while being together for more than 1 year and bla-bla, she said her mother was calling her and she had to go. I told her she could go, she could do whatever she wanted. She left furiously.

I, truth to be told, was feeling like shit. I had spent money, and I am very tight on money most of the time, since I am a student, to make her feel special, because she deserves that, she's the girl I love. But the way she reacted and left, made me feel like she was saying "Hey, **** you and everything you did, I don't wanna do it, I know why, and that's the end of the discussion".

We didn't talk to each other for the next 3 days. I missed her a whole lot. I called her after 3 days and she sounded sick. She answered roughly and she said she didn't wanna talk to me, as according to her, we had nothing to talk about anymore. We didn't talk for a further 2 days. And I missed her even more for those 2 days. I called her again. She answered roughly, but less than last time. We talked about half an hour, she kept talking to me, sometimes telling me "I don't wanna talk to you", but I understand the message, as noone talks to you and tells you that he/she doesn't wanna talk to you. If she didn't wanna talk for real, she would reject my calls and that's it. She spoiled herself and that made me laugh, then she left because her mother called her to do something. That call made me feel a bit better, although there wasn't anything that really changed. I called her after some hours again, she answered, we talked about 2-3 minutes and then I went to sleep.

Now, I wanna know from someone who is experienced in these matters, as I am not, truth to be told: what may I have done wrong or what is it that has stopped us from having sex in this whole time that we are together ?

Did I do anything wrong in my attempt for us to make love ? Should I call her or am I bothering her ? Please, someone, as this means the world to me and I don't want this relationship to go bad.

[JJhon]

You made a bad move when she said that she wasn't comfortable with that, and you instead of being comprehensive, you bother her, pressing saying 'why we didn't do it?' I think that ruined the moment.

[JJhon]

Try to make a pretty huge and creative apologize

Sent from my Galaxy S2

[donaldplozha]

I was thinking to let things cool down a bit, then go to Tirana and ask her to meet me, since I have an Easter gift for her. I will pack that up together with a Toffifee box (she likes them a lot), inside which I will insert a letter with something I have written for her. Is that a good idea ? :/

[JJhon]

I think it it, but let things cool down

Sent from my Galaxy S2

[pcmaster]

Perhaps If have told her " I love you" Instead of "I missed your body. She would be relaxed. Young girls are all about love. It looks like this time you didnt get over that fence to get to princess and make her open up like a flower.

When you do, girl really shines and looks very beautiful. True compliments and warm voice helps a lot.

Also she was right you have to understand her.

[Zulnex]

Try to make a pretty huge and creative apologize

Sent from my Galaxy S2

I fully agree as well.

[HeartIsAching]

So you made a decision about her body for her, and when she objected you tried to rape her? No wonder she said it's over.

[pcmaster]

Try to make a pretty huge and creative apologize

Its not manly to apologise for your man desires. It would be about the same as apologising that shes so hot.

Better apologise about you emotional ignorance than physical atraction.

[Wakeup]

I was thinking to let things cool down a bit, then go to Tirana and ask her to meet me, since I have an Easter gift for her. I will pack that up together with a Toffifee box (she likes them a lot), inside which I will insert a letter with something I have written for her. Is that a good idea ? :/

Quit spoiling her. She hasn't been very nice to you and now you want to reward her. Just let her get over her snit, you've apologized already and she's still not understanding anything where you're concerned. If she doesn't get over her snit of her own accord, without you spoiling her yet again, then you're better off finding someone a little older who isn't afraid to have a guy penetrate her.

What is her reason for not wanting to have actual intercourse with you when she does everything else?

[JJhon]

Its not manly to apologise for your man desires. It would be about the same as apologising that shes so hot.

Better apologise about you emotional ignorance than physical atraction.

I agree with those desires, but she said no, and you need to respect her decision

Sent from my Galaxy S2

[Wakeup]

I agree with those desires, but she said no, and you need to respect her decision

Sent from my Galaxy S2

Granted he assumed he could seduce her into giving in when he should have just let it happen naturally however;
He did respect her decision, he didn't rape her afterall. Holding this thing against him like some little immature brat means she shouldn't be blowing him if she's not ready to have intercourse. This says alot about her and her unwillingness to see his wants and desires.

I understand if she wants to wait but I do not understand why she holds a grudge and punishes him, to be a bitch about what he did for days on end says a lot about her and her self-absorbed tendencies.

Now, that being said:
What is so important about a hyman that you'd want to keep it intact but you're just fine with putting his penis in your mouth? Can some virgin girl explain her logic in that?

[HeartIsAching]

I decided that maybe it was time I took a step forward and created the opportunity for us to have sex, since we love each other and I think it's quite normal that two people that love each other, have sex.

You decided. You took a mutual decision out of her hands. You don't get to make those decisions for someone else, you make them WITH them.

I didn't understand that and tried to "not listen" to what she said,

If a woman says "no" and you keep trying, that's attempted rape. Sorry, but it is.

She still hadn't understood that all that environement, which is not what she deserves, but still, is what I can give to her right now to make her feel special, was created by me so that we could have our first time.

She had no say in the matter.

That made me feel even more dissapointed and I told her that. She opened her eyes like something terrible had happened and started looking at me with anger. After 5 minutes of me telling her that I didn't understand why we hadn't had sex while being together for more than 1 year and bla-bla, she said her mother was calling her and she had to go. I told her she could go, she could do whatever she wanted. She left furiously.

So then you spent 5 minutes trying to brow-beat her into doing what you wanted.

I, truth to be told, was feeling like shit. I had spent money, and I am very tight on money most of the time, since I am a student, to make her feel special, because she deserves that, she's the girl I love. But the way she reacted and left, made me feel like she was saying "Hey, **** you and everything you did, I don't wanna do it, I know why, and that's the end of the discussion".

Ahhh... so if you spend money, you bought something, right? You paid for it, so you should get it.

she said she didn't wanna talk to me, as according to her, we had nothing to talk about anymore. We didn't talk for a further 2 days. And I missed her even more for those 2 days. I called her again. She answered roughly, but less than last time. We talked about half an hour, she kept talking to me, sometimes telling me "I don't wanna talk to you", but I understand the message, as noone talks to you and tells you that he/she doesn't wanna talk to you.

So if she said she didn't want to talk, why did you force your attentions on her when she has made her position clear.

If she didn't wanna talk for real, she would reject my calls and that's it.

She should have.

I called her after some hours again, she answered, we talked about 2-3 minutes and then I went to sleep.

Again forcing your unwanted attentions on her.

Did I do anything wrong in my attempt for us to make love ? Should I call her or am I bothering her ? Please, someone, as this means the world to me and I don't want this relationship to go bad.

You mean besides your obvious controlling behavior, feelings of ownership and attempted rape? Nah. You did just fine.

Quit spoiling her. She hasn't been very nice to you and now you want to reward her. Just let her get over her snit, you've apologized already and she's still not understanding anything where you're concerned. If she doesn't get over her snit of her own accord, without you spoiling her yet again, then you're better off finding someone a little older who isn't afraid to have a guy penetrate her.

What is her reason for not wanting to have actual intercourse with you when she does everything else?

Are you serious?

[Wakeup]

Are you serious?

Very... He keeps giving to try and get. She has clearly told him that it aint going to happen so he should stop spoiling her. It's men like him who pay for sex one way or another and it's women like her that expect to be paid due to conditioning like what he's been doing.

She's confused (blows a guy but won't have intercourse) he should leave her for someone who is more like him and is ready to have intercourse and give the new girl whos more compatible with him the gifts instead of trying to buy his way in.

I'm sorry HIA but I usually agree with most of what you say but in some cases (like this one) i think you take your classes to the extreme. Every young man is going to try to take it one step further, it's called seduction and it's nothing out of the ordinary. She said no to sex and he didn't force it any further. (as I've said I disagree with his expectations in the first place) Most men wouldn't reward her for ignoring him after he's apologized. At least they shouldn't because it will just reinforce her behaviour of being non-communique whenever there is a problem that needs to be resolved. Spoiling her instead of teaching her how to communicate effectively.

So yea.. quite serious.

.... and I repeat:

What is so important about a hyman that you'd want to keep it intact but you're just fine with putting his penis in your mouth? Can some virgin girl explain her logic in that?

[HeartIsAching]

I am 19.5 years old and I am in a relationship with a girl I love more than anyone else, since 1 year and 3 months. She is 17.5 years old.

Now, we have had some fights about different reasons, like every other couple, I suppose.
In the sexual aspect of our relationship, we have gone gradually, from kissing on the first date to further advancement until we did oral sex to each other at our 6th date.
I live in a city that's about 100 km away from where she lives, so our relationship is one in distance.

Now, we have engaged ourselves in everything sexual but sex itself. She is a virgin. I am not.
After 1 year and 3 months, I decided that maybe it was time I took a step forward and created the opportunity for us to have sex, since we love each other and I think it's quite normal that two people that love each other, have sex.

I went to the city where she lives, we set a time when we would meet. In the mean time, I found a nice hotel. I had bought some candles 3 months ago that were shaped as hearts and smelled good. I bought two roses, as I wanted to spread the rose petals in the bed, to make the environment more romantic. I met her, I hugged her and I told her that I had missed her body, as I really had. We started walking. She asked where we headed. I told her that it was a surprise. I could see she started feeling a bit uncomfortable as she wanted to know where we were going, but it would ruin my surprise if I told her and add to that, the hotel wasn't far away from there, so I didn't tell her anything. We went at the hotel door and I told her she would wait 5 minutes, then I would ring her phone and she would come up to room nr.2. She accepted silently. In the mean time, I went to the room, spread the rose petals in the bed, lit up the candles, closed the curtains and rang her phone. She came to the room and was happy. At least so it seemed to me.

We layed in the bed, she started spoiling herself, laughing, we started playing with each-other and I liked that. Then I started kissing her a little, she started kissing me back, we went on cuddling each other, she jumped in top of me and she looked horny. Then she started unzipping my pants and started giving me oral sex. I liked that too, simple to understand, I believe. After 10 minutes or so, I told her to lay back because I wanted to satisfy her orally, too. With the information I got, it's important to satisfy a woman through oral sex as it is the key to turning her on and bringing her the desire to have sex. She said she didn't want to. I asked why and she said she wasn't feeling comfortable with what I wanted to do. I didn't understand that and tried to "not listen" to what she said, I started kissing her easily in her lips, around her neck, and when I tried to go down on her, slowly, she again rejected. In that moment, since I am not the kind of person who likes to do things against another's will, I just stopped and I was feeling awfully bad. She saw that and grabbed my head with her hands, started kissing me and cuddling me. I couldn't make a move, I had just freezed right there, over her. She saw that and then stood up telling me that I had to understand her, as she wasn't feeling comfortable. She still hadn't understood that all that environement, which is not what she deserves, but still, is what I can give to her right now to make her feel special, was created by me so that we could have our first time. That made me feel even more dissapointed and I told her that. She opened her eyes like something terrible had happened and started looking at me with anger. After 5 minutes of me telling her that I didn't understand why we hadn't had sex while being together for more than 1 year and bla-bla, she said her mother was calling her and she had to go. I told her she could go, she could do whatever she wanted. She left furiously.

I, truth to be told, was feeling like shit. I had spent money, and I am very tight on money most of the time, since I am a student, to make her feel special, because she deserves that, she's the girl I love. But the way she reacted and left, made me feel like she was saying "Hey, **** you and everything you did, I don't wanna do it, I know why, and that's the end of the discussion".

We didn't talk to each other for the next 3 days. I missed her a whole lot. I called her after 3 days and she sounded sick. She answered roughly and she said she didn't wanna talk to me, as according to her, we had nothing to talk about anymore. We didn't talk for a further 2 days. And I missed her even more for those 2 days. I called her again. She answered roughly, but less than last time. We talked about half an hour, she kept talking to me, sometimes telling me "I don't wanna talk to you", but I understand the message, as noone talks to you and tells you that he/she doesn't wanna talk to you. If she didn't wanna talk for real, she would reject my calls and that's it. She spoiled herself and that made me laugh, then she left because her mother called her to do something. That call made me feel a bit better, although there wasn't anything that really changed. I called her after some hours again, she answered, we talked about 2-3 minutes and then I went to sleep.

Now, I wanna know from someone who is experienced in these matters, as I am not, truth to be told: what may I have done wrong or what is it that has stopped us from having sex in this whole time that we are together ?

Did I do anything wrong in my attempt for us to make love ? Should I call her or am I bothering her ? Please, someone, as this means the world to me and I don't want this relationship to go bad.

Very... He keeps giving to try and get. She has clearly told him that it aint going to happen so he should stop spoiling her. It's men like him who pay for sex one way or another and it's women like her that expect to be paid due to conditioning like what he's been doing.

She's confused (blows a guy but won't have intercourse) he should leave her for someone who is more like him and is ready to have intercourse and give the new girl whos more compatible with him the gifts instead of trying to buy his way in.

I'm sorry HIA but I usually agree with most of what you say but in some cases (like this one) i think you take your classes to the extreme. Every young man is going to try to take it one step further, it's called seduction and it's nothing out of the ordinary. She said no to sex and he didn't force it any further. (as I've said I disagree with his expectations in the first place) Most men wouldn't reward her for ignoring him after he's apologized. At least they shouldn't because it will just reinforce her behaviour of being non-communique whenever there is a problem that needs to be resolved. Spoiling her instead of teaching her how to communicate effectively.

So yea.. quite serious.

There's nothing wrong with him trying to take things a step further... but he's too damn old to be playing teenager seduction games. He's flat wrong. Made an attempt to have sex with her without talking to her about it, then tried to do it anyhow.

And that whole "give so you can get" thing - that's called a transactional relationship. You might want to look it up.