what shall i do now, wait or move on? is she playing me?

[jammin]

Hi everyone, ive posted this is the female section also, as i would like some advise from both guys and girls. This girl has got me going crazy!

So this is a long story, I shall try and shorten it as much as possible. Thank you to those who took time out to read and answer.

So i was travelling, and ended up flying to a country and my friend introduced me to this girl who would show me around. I met her had a great time with her and her family and then she had to move back to go to uni (she was studying in another country and just back visiting her family at the time i was there). We hit it off and she wanted me to go with her so she purchased flights for me costing around $2000 (after knowing her for 2 days!). I spent time with her then went home. She was really into me but at the time i was not looking for a relationship. Anyway she then flew and met me in europe and then back to the uk to visit where i live.

We had a good time and she wanted to come and move to the uk to be with me. She was in love with me at this point. I was not sure at that point what i wanted, i did not want to hurt her by getting her to change her life for me without me being sure, and this was all moving too fast so i was honest from the start. She said she will wait for me to make my mind up. This was around july. We were in touch but soon it came to october and she was still waiting. We were in touch through this time, we talked and skyped a lot.

she then called me and said she met someone that likes her but she doesnt know what to do as she wants to be with me. I couldnt commit at the time still. So i told her to do what she felt was right (worst decision of my life!!!) come december i know im madly in love with her and miss her like crazy (i would like to point out i never slept with or kissed anyone in this period, i stayed loyal). So i get in touch and she says she still likes me but is with someone now. I tell her i want to try and buy her a ticket to visit so we can be together. she accepted. Then the next day refused and i never heard from her for 2 weeks. She at this point went back to her home country as she finished uni. I decided to be romantic and fly 12 hours and see her to tell her im sorry for hurting her and that i love her. I told her 2 days before i came. i got there and found out the guy she has been seeing has followed her and is in her country with her!! that killed me. we still spent the week together and she did sleep with me while she was with him.

after the week ended i got home things started getting even more complicated. she would call says she cant stop thinking about me, we always speak for hours, then the day after would say it cant work and to not contact her again. then we would go for a month without speaking and she would get in touch again saying she misses, speak for hours then she would go cold turkey on me again! she did this 3 times from jan/march. She then tells me that he got her a ticket to europe as his visa was expiring and had to leave and wanted her to go with him. And she said that she is thinking of coming to see me after. I felt like second best, i said if she wants to see me to come to me and forget him. She said she cant, maybe because the guy dropped everything for her and moved right away she felt like she couldnt let him down? i dont know. i spoke to some girlfriends and they said they would do the same, because he has done so much that even if she cares for me she probably isnt in a position to hurt him. i think if she really cared she would have done the right thing.

anyway now she is in europe with him. i dont know if she wants to see me or how she feels. i dont know if she is stringing me along to just get payback for me hurting her when she was waiting. im totally confused. the tables have now turned and ive got the worse end as she is with someone now! why would she contact me if she was happy with him? all in all we spent about a month and half together (not while apart in other countries) and i know its a short time but i really do love her and am more than ready to settle down and commit.

so i messaged her a few days ago and said that im thinking of her and i hope she is ok (havent spoken in two weeks at this point), got nothing back. I miss her like crazy and want her back but i dont know what she is thinking. she gets me hoping it can happen and then shoots me down. its driving me insane and leading me to become very unhappy.

anyone got any advise. ive been very patient. I dont think she has gotten over me, i havent got over her. She blocked me on facebook then unblocked me 3 days later, and i know she constantly checks up on me. I would change countries to be with her. I told her all of this but i cant get a straight answer back. I havent spoken to her in around 3 weeks now. last text i got nothing back. I dont know what to do anymore. I have never been this depressed and i know its my fault, but i was just not ready at the time as everything moved so quick for me. i was in a 4 year relationship and that ended badly, so i was single for 3 years. i was not ready for this feeling. and i have never felt this down ever.

Someone please advise, she is 24 and im 25.

thanks.

[pcmaster]

This reminds me something very familiar.

Thing is she was 100% about you. But you was stuck somwhere inbetween. Now you wish you where more positive. Let her know about your feelings Let yourself be happier. Have the courage to live life basicaly.

Now even more and more with everyday you realise that you both could have been magic, but with every day she slips further and further from your life.

Your only mistake was not being sure, not going full forward like she did. Only way how to fix it is finally being sure. Being sure to forget or being sure to go for it and dont stop. If you decide something that dont have seconds thoughts. Because it will lead you to nowhere again just like it did before.

If you still think that its worth saving and you still have the love for her to give than go for it. If not than erase her. Because feeling of doubt and guilt alone is enought to kill you(very dangerous place to be). So make sure shes in your arms or outside your mind forever.

[jammin]

This reminds me something very familiar.

Thing is she was 100% about you. But you was stuck somwhere inbetween. Now you wish you where more positive. Let her know about your feelings Let yourself be happier. Have the courage to live life basicaly.

Now even more and more with everyday you realise that you both could have been magic, but with every day she slips further and further from your life.

Your only mistake was not being sure, not going full forward like she did. Only way how to fix it is finally being sure. Being sure to forget or being sure to go for it and dont stop. If you decide something that dont have seconds thoughts. Because it will lead you to nowhere again just like it did before.

If you still think that its worth saving and you still have the love for her to give than go for it. If not than erase her. Because feeling of doubt and guilt alone is enought to kill you(very dangerous place to be). So make sure shes in your arms or outside your mind forever.

I want her back more than ever! I am sure now and I told her. I told her I would relocate for her. I just don't know if im just hurting myself keeping hope. And even if i did wait what could i possibly do to get her back. She just keeps stringing me along and makes me feel that sometimes she cares and other times she doesnt. I flew around the world on whim to tell her i love her and i am sorry. i dont know what else there is for me to do. I just cant keep hurting like this, but i know that if she came to see me I would be more committed to her than i have ever been to anyone.

[jammin]

thank you for getting back btw, i appreciate your advise.

[pcmaster]

Oh and you are taking her too seriously when she shuts down on you. Deep inside she cant change her thoughts so fast about you. You know that.

This guy from youtube can help you a bit

/watch?v=mo0d10Tl_Go

1:20

[jammin]

thanks, just been watching it. Women are too damn confusing. If i listen to him then I should just ignore everything she has told me haha

[pcmaster]

Here is the reason why you should stick with your decisions and ignore negative shit

"Wow... he let me treat him this way, he let me do this to him. He is afraid to be man, if he lets me do this thing to him, what else will he let me do? Will he protect me when I need him? Maybe not, if he is afraid to put me in my place. How can he protect me from another man when I need him? He is not the secure guy I thought. He looks weak to me. I can manipulate him now to do what I want him to do. I can get away with anything now. I can do what I want. I'm in control of things now. He is not. He will jump through my hoops. I can tell him what to do. How can I take him seriously anymore when he won't stand up to me? He is not a challenge, maybe I need to look for another guy. His insecure behavior really disgusts me. He is not a man that I need. I have to let him go. I need another guy. He is gone, we are over."

[Superman33]

take a little time to work on yourself first because I'm pretty sure she told you what she didn't like about what you did . then show her you are a changed man , don't give up on the one you love because thats the Devil making you feel hurt by losing hope . I have full experience with that but I lied to mine so much and made other mistakes , but I won't ever give up on her because I know in the end she was worth fighting for because I will be happy with her in the end . Pray , and work at it , because God showed me that me and her is meant to be .
Put in the work , show her you are putting in the work and don't give up , make her a priority , make her a goal , tell yourself she will be in your future and you won't ever give up on her and trust me you will feel determined , tell your self she will be your wife and the woman of your kids . don't let anyone on here tell you to move on because if you love her bra , you can get her back especially if it was a mistake on your part . if she treated you right until you started doing her wrong then her new boyfriend is just a obstacle you have to just work your way over . Call her , talk to her , show you changed tell her you love her and most of all don't just talk about it , do it . actions speak louder than words don't just say you want her back go get her back .
GO AND GET HER BACK SHOW HER YOU WANT HER BACK AND THAT YOU ARE SURE ABOUT IT , BE A BETTER BOYFRIEND BECAUSE ALL A GIRL WANT IS TRUST , AFFECTION AND FOR YOU TO BE A MAN . NO MORE **** UPS GO GET HER AND KEEP HER .!

[jammin]

I have tried, I flew 12 hours to tell her I have changed, i love her and I want her back. What can i do now. She is not getting back to me. I dont want her to think im weak, im not. But with her i dont know anymore.

[Superman33]

how have you tried please tell me .

[Superman33]

don't tell her show her , no more talking , just do it bra .

[Superman33]

now that you have let her know that you love her , are you doing something about SHOWING her you actually changed or do you just talk about it non stop .? she won't believe you because she will be scared you will do the same crap all over again and leave her because you wasnt sure of what you want . you have to go and show her you really want her and do whatever it takes if you love her you wouldn't mind embarressing yourself to show her you mean what you say .

[jammin]

what can i do, she is in italy with a guy. what can i do

[Superman33]

okay first tell me why did she leave .?

[Superman33]

why did she leave in the first place .?