I really like someone but he's engaged :(.

[Blixen]

This is my first time posting here. I would normally discuss this stuff with my friends, but they know the person in question and don't feel I can talk to them about it, so hopefully someone here can help!

Basically, I first met this guy a few years ago. I really liked him and we have loads in common. I was speaking to him a lot, but when I found out he had a girlfriend, it was like a kick in the teeth and I backed off. I think they had been going out for about 9 months then. I didn't think about it much for a while, but then I met up with him at a social occasion and we had a really good time in each other's company. I felt really attracted to him but I tried not to let it show and just stayed in contact as friends. Then when he told me he got engaged I happy for him - just a minor sting. At this point I hadn't seen him in about a year. But we met up again recently and spent a lot of time together. We had a few things which felt like moments to me, but I can't be sure he was seeing it the same way . I don't want to go into too much detail as I wouldn't ever want this getting back to anyone. At one point we were laying next to each other, and I just felt something in the way he looked at me and he played with my hair. We also had a little play fight in the park (I won ;D). They were in such situations that it could have been considered just friendly by anyone on the outside, but to me it really felt like something. Also, he kept brushing my leg with his fingertips when we were sat next to each other, but it could have been accidental. Anyway, I can't be sure he was feeling the same things as me .

I'm just sorry that I backed off those years ago, because maybe if I'd become closer to him then, when he hadn't been with someone else for so long, then he wouldn't have ended up getting engaged.

He wants to meet up some more. What should I do? Should I pursue my feelings? I wouldn't ever want anyone to cheat on their girlfriend, but I would just like him to see the possibility of us being together. He's an amazing guy, who I can really see myself with. I just feel so trapped and stupid. I am supposed to be going on a date with someone but I don't feel like I want to go, because I like this other guy so much, even though I know he's engaged .

Help?

[bearz]

Go on your date with this other guy and try to enjoy yourself because the chances of your friend ditching his fiancé for you are pretty slim. If you pursue your feelings he will most likely cheat on her. And if he cheats on her, what insurance do you have that he won't cheat on you at some point? Stay away from him and tell him that you two can't see each other anymore.

[Wakeup]

Shame on you. I want you to think how you would feel if you were engaged to him and he was meeting up and doing one-on-one date like activities with another girl. If you still keep up this hanging out with him after thinking about that then you're a sociopath, unable to empathize and you deserve to be hurt and pissed off when he marries this girl anyway and keeps you around as his plaything.

I suggest you save the guy you're suppose to go on date with the time and money and quit dating until you've cleansed your crush from your system. It's hardly fair on any guy that you sit across from them while you pine for someone else that isn't even available to be yours.

You can't tell your friends because you know how wrong it is what you're doing. Have some self-respect for kristsakes.

[Blixen]

I'm not doing anything wrong??? I would never make a move on him. Everything that happened was friendly, we have been close friends for a while, but don't see each other often. I just thought if we hung out more, he might see me as something more than a friend. Also, this date was arranged before this was brought up, and I was previously excited about it. Have some empathy. You must have liked someone in your life and known it was wrong? I asked for advice, not an attack. I will go to my friends in future. I didn't want to tell some of my friends because they know him. I would happily tell someone who doesn't know him, because I don't believe that what I feel makes me the anti-christ.

Bearz comment was constructive at least. Thanks.

[bearz]

Yes, you are doing something wrong. You are trying to break up their engagement. It's not your goal, but it's the logical outcome of all of this if you keep it up. Like Wakeup said, how would you feel if you were engaged to someone and all of a sudden some other girl tried to take your man away from you?

[Blixen]

Well it would be tough shit.

[Wakeup]

I'm not doing anything wrong???

Oh, so you'd be just fine with your guy doing to another girl what he does with you.. what you allow. I see! You have no personal boundaries and you are selfish and egotistical to the point that you don't care that you're doing inappropriate things with your "friend." Who do you think you're fooling?

I would never make a move on him.

You're already making moveS on him for goodness sakes.

Everything that happened was friendly, we have been close friends for a while,

Do you have a crush on your female friends? Do you do those things you've done with him with your female friends? No need to answer because I know the answer is "no you don't." What you are doing is not innocent like you tell yourself it is in order to justify in your mind that it's all cool. You'r being a very foolish girl.

but don't see each other often.

Yes and so what do you do.. you come here and ask how you can see him more often and scheme ways of stopping him from getting engaged. It's girls like you that make women want to only have male friends in their lives.

I just thought if we hung out more, he might see me as something more than a friend.

see above response it applies to this one too.

Also, this date was arranged before this was brought up, and I was previously excited about it. Have some empathy. You must have liked someone in your life and known it was wrong?

I've read enough stories from women who have been stupid assholes who get burnt because they've got involved with married or otherwise taken men to realize that you're being stupid as shit, unethical, self-centred and that he will likely still marry this girl but if he thinks he can get some NSA poontang from you, he'll take it if he's got no personal boundaries. He's already crossing a very fundamental relationship boundary as it is. I have no "sympathy" for you.

I asked for advice, not an attack.

I've not sugar coated what I've had to say but I haven't attacked you. I've given you solid advice to distance yoruself until you rehab from your crush and to not date until you're more indifferent to him becuase you're being unfair to be with some poor sap who thinks you're actually interested in him.

I will go to my friends in future.

Not about his you won't because you know how skanky it is and you would be afraid that they'd dump you for not being able to trust their own boyfriends around you.

I didn't want to tell some of my friends because they know him. I would happily tell someone who doesn't know him, because I don't believe that what I feel makes me the anti-christ.

Keep fooling yourself but you're not fooling me or anyone else who replies.

Bearz comment was constructive at least. Thanks.

So was mine but you're not ready to hear the truth about your motives or your lack of integrity.

It's not your goal,

It's exactly her goal.

[Boisdevie]

Like Wakeup said, how would you feel if you were engaged to someone and all of a sudden some other girl tried to take your man away from you?

Well it would be tough shit.

I think it might be worth thinking about your sense of right and wrong.

[michelle23]

You are both in the wrong. I agree with Wakeup. If you cant handle the truth OP you shouldn't have asked for it. Does his fiance know you exist? Even if he did leave her for you-you would just be a rebound and hed end up resenting you. You are a stupid girl and you need to grow up

[mimi1184]

Edit (double post).

[mimi1184]

Well, I do agree with the above posts. After reading your story, I thought you are a bit selfish to some extent. Well, I'm not saying you are a bad person, but I just want you to understand that the guy you like is about to get married, and it's not wise to interfere when it comes to such serious relations. Just back off and open your heart to somebody else who could be your real love, you never know. I just want to make sure that you put yourself in his fiance's shoes!! How would you react if you were her and you knew that somebody else wants to break your dream?

Relax, you have somebody there for you, just try to open your heart and act like a genuine person. You will get what you deserve, and I really hope it's going to be a real solid outcome.

Cheers .

[VincenzoG91]

Well it would be tough shit.

Clearly he has made the right choice. If he had picked you, he would have gotten a sociopath, and you would have gotten a cheater.

[Rowen]

Leave him alone. A relationship is between two people- not three.

[bcgirl]

I think wake-ups attack on the op is uncalled for. Why such hostility? Makes me think that perhaps u dealt with a past girl that tried to come between u and your hubby?
In terms of this guy... U have a crush on him. You don't even really know him nor can even foresee if u and him would be that compatible if u two ended up to be an item. Reality is that he is engaged. There are plenty more fish in the sea. As for friends hanging out, that is fine. But you shouldn't be like Julia Roberts in "my best friends wedding". Lets even say that he liked you back and planned to leave his fiancé for you. Would you really want a man like that? Ya know, in life a married person will get hit on. You aren't constantly with your Spouse. You go to work, you have your own set of friends etc. and ppl will try hitting on u. It's up to the married individual to say no and not allow temptation to get the better of them. Single ppl are just horny and are unconsciously drawn to married ppl and wanting that stability and security. Ever see a good lookin guy with a baby (without a girl), all the single (and married) women are instantly drawn.

[Wakeup]

I don't give a flyng **** what it makes you think BC. and I don't care that you think it was uncalled for. You're no saint when it comes to giving advise so shove your opinion and what it makes you think where the sun don't shine. Now theres some hostility for you to contemplate.