Am I being too fussy?

[moosey_goosey]

Okay so I have been going out with my boyfriend now for around 11 months and even though I care about him I have several issues that I feel are keeping me from properly connecting with him. Firstly, he is a really nice guy, however he has not met my friends or family and does not seem willing to do so in the near future, this seems so strange to me because it has been 11 months and my friends think this is weird as well (which lets be honest it is!) he is shy but he is also older and I think maybe he doesn't want to bother with people who are younger, but this still annoys me because he is my boyfriend and you do these things when you care about someone, even if perhaps you don't want to.

Also, he does not do romance or affection well, we havn't kissed in over 3 months because he 'doesn't like kissing' ,he also isn't very big on communication and the lack of affection is making me feel so disconnected from him.

He rarely compliments me, I don't mean that I want to be complimented constantly but a little comment now and then would be nice, it would make me feel more appreciated and probably more attracted to him. He always comments that other girls are gorgeous and stuff but never me, it makes me feel very insecure and has made me want to change myself, something which I swore I would do for no one!

From reading this it probably sounds like he is the worst boyfriend in the world haha but he is actually a kind person, he is faithful and is funny as well, I just don't know how to deal with the issues above, I am unsure whether I am being picky or whether other people would feel these were deal breakers as well??

Thanks!

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I think you've been dating a rock. Your concerns are warranted. Don't expect it to change. Decide if it's a dealbreaker and then make your decision.

My prediction: You will whine and bitch. He won't change. You will continue to whine and bitch.

[ashley89]

no, you're not overreacting at all. who "doesn't like kissing"? that's bizarre and really messed up. and the fact that he doesn't even seem interested in meeting your family isn't cool. these aren't just little pet peeves, these are big issues that are clearly bothering you and he doesn't appear to be doing anything to change. they would definitely be dealbreakers for me!

[moosey_goosey]

thank you for your responses! There are probably mixtures of thinking it will get better or scared of never finding anyone better that stop me from ending it. I need to stop being such a pushover!

[bearz]

I'm also not seeing this going anywhere anytime soon. There's just too much missing in what I would call a dysfunctional relationship. Almost sounds just like a friend or roommate to me, but not boyfriend.

[moosey_goosey]

yes it does feel like a friend type of relationship a lot, I have been feeling that for a while, I've just been making excuses for him because he isn't the romantic type. I am closer in some ways with my boy roommates than with him!

[Rowen]

If you have issues with this, I would say that you need to move on. I know you really care about him, but ask yourself can you deal with this forever?

My guess is you can't. Michelle is right. He won't change, and if he's making you feel insecure and like shit, he's obviously not healthy for you. But you know what? There's a guy out there who is. And he's looking for you, so why don't you keep hope looking for him?

[bearz]

You definitely need someone who shows you some affection, emotional and physical. He doesn't seem to be capable of giving you what you need so the chances of you ever being really happy and satisfied with this relationship are pretty slim. I also think if someone is trying to avoid meeting the other person's friends and family it is a sign that they don't want that relationship to be too serious or long-lasting.

[moosey_goosey]

Also, just asking for an extra bit of wisdom from everyone here, He once told me that he would like it if I had a bigger butt haha, at the time I was like...oh okay...that doesn't feel nice to hear and ever since I have been so insecure about it, I made excuses cos I felt I was being far too sensitive? God I sound like a teenager once I read all this back! how stupid some of us can be when we like someone!

[basilandthyme]

God I sound like a teenager once I read all this back! how stupid some of us can be when we like someone!

If only other posters would read what they write. I think it's great that you can read your own message objectively and come out with a new perspective.

[bearz]

You shouldn't even worry about that comment, that's just his own personal preference. Every man has a different taste and likes different things about a woman's body. Don't let one guy dictate how you should feel about yourself.

And yes, love brings the best and the worst out of us.

[Rowen]

Also, just asking for an extra bit of wisdom from everyone here, He once told me that he would like it if I had a bigger butt haha, at the time I was like...oh okay...that doesn't feel nice to hear and ever since I have been so insecure about it...

^ Another example of how this isn't healthy.

Listen to bearz. He's bringing up excellent points.

Not to mention, if you would change your physique based on his preferences, that would be a betrayal to yourself. I would leave this guy...no, scratch that. Don't just leave him; drop him like a hot tea kettle and fast before you get burned further. If you betray who you are at heart, you're going to set yourself up for more disappointment because, let's say hypothetically, you change all these traits about yourself to make him happy and he gets tired of all this and dumps you. What then? You'll be alone and feeling way worse than if you had just remained true to yourself and never changed those traits to suit the desires of others. So, drop him while you can and save your inner strength before he sucks it right out of you. You're a strong, independent woman, and you CAN do this. Don't you dare tell yourself otherwise because you will find a better man that will adore you JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.