I can't stop spying on my boyfriend

[Kaye]

My boyfriend have cheated on me multiple times in our relationship. The funny thing is each and everytime I've always suspected it but I could never prove it. I finally was able to hack into his Facebook account and in July of 2012 I found that he's been with or had online relationships with multiple women.

Well of course my self esteem was crushed because before he apologized to me he blamed me for his infidelity. Some of it I understood. But for the most part I believe that if he was not happy he should have told me instead of going behind my back.

Fast forward to present day. We decided to work things out but I still don't trust him. Everytime I feel inadequate I spy on him and find more things that I either over looked from before and new things that he does. Our current situation now is we were moving along nicely in our relationship. No arguing. No fighting. Just being in love. He apart of this organization from when he was in college. He flirts online with a lot of the women in that organization. He even cheated on me with one of them. So naturally when he went to Virginia to a reunion they were having I felt uncomfortable. But we talked about it and I was able to control my emotions. The first night I was fine. The second night I got mad at him cuz he didn't call or text me. So I went thru his email and found a picture of him and a girl holding hands when he went to a bachelor party in AC and I sent him the picture. He was pissed at me. I went so far as hacking in to his Instagram and deleting some of the girls he's been flirting with. Now we are back to square one. And I feel horrible. He says he's tired of me and he's confused because he loves me so much but my spying is killing him.

[bearz]

He doesn't really love you, otherwise he would not go after other girls. And he should be tired of you spying on him and going through his personal stuff. Trust has been broken on both sides and that's almost impossible to repair now. He has cheated on you multiple times, is lying to you, you have proof, and yet you haven't left him yet. So in a nutshell, he doesn't love you and cheats on you, and you are paranoid and don't trust him... why are you still with him?

[Kaye]

We have a family. I love him with all my heart. And he has not had a job since we've been together and aside from giving him my all emotionally, financially I have taken care if everything. I don't want to see him out on the street.

[michelle23]

Look as long as you stay and keep giving him chances-he will continue to hurt you so you cant really keep getting all upset and angry coz u know what hes like, you no he wont change but yet you choose to stay with him. Is your self-esteem and self-worth that low that youll allow someone to treat you so bad?

You have the power tk change your situation but the only way he can stop hurting you is if you break up with him. Then you need to go and get counselling to try and boost your confidence so youll never be a doormat to someone again.

He has no respect for you, no empathy for your feelings, he doesnt really love you, he knows youll keep forgiving him coz he knows your a doormat, hell never change, he wont grow up, hes laughing at you.

It is not your fault that he cheated no matter what he says. Nobody can force or push someone to cheat. He behaves that way because hes either really insecure and needs to stroke his ego or because hes emotionally immature and cant communicate with you when something is wrong. Its all on him-its his fault and he tries to justify his bad behaviour by blaming you.

You need to stop accepting responsibility for his actions. Nobody deserves to be treated this way unless you have been beating him daily with a sweeping brush and have a chain wrapped around his neck preventing him from leaving you.

If hes unhappy he can either try to solve ur problems or dump you. He doesnt need to cheat on you so i will say it again its NOT your fault it is his.

You need to dump him, grow a backbone, learn to be independent and stand on your own two feet and dont let anyone hurt you. Id prefer to be on ny own then put up with this crap. Hes making you miserable, paranoid, jealous, insecure, angry, hurt and crushing your self-esteem even further but yet you stay. Why?

People will treat us the way we allow them to sweetheart and like i said already the only way hell stop hurting you-is if you leave him. Sure itl hurt for awhile, youll miss him but ask yourself what is there to love about him or miss. Love is nothing without trust and respect.

[michelle23]

And its not your problem if he has nowhere to go. He should have thought of that before he broke your heart. He broke your family-not you and you dont owe him anything. He can still see ur kids, still be a good dad (if he is one) without you and he being together. Its unhealthy and destructive for your kids anyway to grow up in a dysfunctional home watching daddy hurt mummy all the time. Your kids will see you as weak and pathetic and wonder y u let him treat u so bad. Ur daughter will grow up and think its normal for a man to treat her this bad and go out with an asshole like her father and ur son will grow up to be a horrible man who has no respect for women and just as bad as his daddy. If u want ur kids to have healthy normal functional relationships when they become adults-you have to show them that daddys behaviour is not ok

[Kaye]

He's not that good with the kids. He stays on the phone or computer all day when they are in school and when I'm at work. Most of the time he doesn't even make the bed. He waits for the boys to come home and clean the house when I work 12 hr days. He doesn't take them to get haircuts but he yells at them for looking bad. He has a daughter with his ex and he has not seen her since 2007. I grew up without a dad and it sucks. I don't want that to happen to them.

[michelle23]

Oh jeez how did you end up with this loser in the first place? What good is he to you or the kids? Hes a bad partner, bad parent, lazy old slob who spends more time yelling at his kids and trying to get laid then he spends trying to be a dad.

Your kids would be better off without him. He needs a major reality check. Kick him out and change the locks for **** sake. You work hard, you look after ur kids and ur home all the time anyway and hes no help so what do u need him for? Serioulsy! Ur kids will grow up to resent the useless ponce. He sounds like my bfs dad (everything bar the other women) and my bf hates his guts but has so much respect for his mother for kicking the loser out. Ur kids will prob have a better relationship with him if they only see him 1-2days a week and he may even pay more attention to them.

Its unhealthy and destructive. Do u not think you deserve more? That u can do better? There are men in this world that would cut their ownarm off to have a woman like u AND treat u soo much better. Dont u want that? Do u want someone who loves u, respects you, works hard, takes u out and spoils u occasionally, helps around the house, helps with the kids, is loyal and faithful? Coz believe me men like that do exist!

[michelle23]

Also if u dump him and he chooses not to be their for your children-that will also be his fault-not yours.

[Wakeup]

If you're too afraid to be without him, then you still need help to learn how to accept him as is because he is NEVER going to change for you. Why should he change when he knows you're not going anywhere and he never has to reap the negative consequences of his actions because you do nothing about his infidelity and blatant disrespect of you.

He's a douche, no doubt. You know, we know it. Now you have to figure out what ails you that you'd stay in it. A professional psychotherapist can help you to figure that out.

I grew up without a dad and it sucks. I

I think this may be the root to your own problems and why you stay with him... You really have to deal with your unresolved childhood issues so that you can move on and stop allowing yourself be treated so poorly.