my fiance wont marry me

[fayelouise]

Hi everyone i have a problem in the form of my fiance not wanting to marry me which i think are for silly reasons.
We have been together for three years engaged for two we have a two year old daughter together we live together as well.
Anyway due to my job being part time i cant afford to put money into a wedding and was a pipe dream untill yesterday when my mum offered to pay for the whole thing as she wants us to both be happy of course i was over the moon but said i will discuss with fiance first as i didnt want to say yes first. Anyway i discussed it and the reaction i got was very unexpexted he said first off where trying too move(we dont get on with neighbours and he doesnt like to stay in same place long as he likes to keep improving this will be the first move i have done with him) thing is he said moving is more important and wants to do that first i pointed out oir home has been on market for two years with no sale so i said we can put it off for a year cantwe get married in mean time he went mad saying it was priority i dont see why we have a nice home with morgage he said his heart wouldnt be in the wedding as he wants to move and we are not doing both at once wait till move then talk again i said well that could be years. I said you cant love me as much as i love u as i want nothing more than to marry the man i love. He said he does but i think hes being selfish the move can wait i feel. Also my mums ill and she fears she wont see me marry so thats why put offer forward. My fiance said me and my mum are pushing him into marrige that isnt the case at all she is trying to be nice and do a grand favour and i want to marry him. I know if we turn this offer down it will never happen. He then put insult to injury and said when we do get married he wants a prenup because his fiance from over 10 years ago took him to the cleaners last time. He said he doeant have money for solisitors weddings and a house move.
I love him with all my heart but i wonder if he feels the same and why hes being this way

[KeyKandiss13]

Its obvious he's not ready.

[Cerby]

He wants a prenup because you work part time. As someone who sounds financially logical, owns a house, etc. he probably feel you aren't even putting in a full days work, so why marry you? so I can understand why he might want to protect his assets. Secondly, trying to force someone to do something they're apprehensive about is a bad way to get what you want. The more you try to bully a marriage out of him, the more he is going to resist. It sounds like he has a timeline in his head, one of which involves selling the house and locking down a financial future before making this level of commitment, and it sounds like you're just making it more difficult for him by being a nag about it.

Honestly, you sound needy and clingy, my brother married a girl like this, they had a kid, she still works part time and he has to work 60 hours a week just to pay the bills. I hope your fiance doesn't make the same mistake.

[fayelouise]

He wants a prenup because you work part time. As someone who sounds financially logical, owns a house, etc. he probably feel you aren't even putting in a full days work, so why marry you? so I can understand why he might want to protect his assets. Secondly, trying to force someone to do something they're apprehensive about is a bad way to get what you want. The more you try to bully a marriage out of him, the more he is going to resist. It sounds like he has a timeline in his head, one of which involves selling the house and locking down a financial future before making this level of commitment, and it sounds like you're just making it more difficult for him by being a nag about it.

Honestly, you sound needy and clingy, my brother married a girl like this, they had a kid, she still works part time and he has to work 60 hours a week just to pay the bills. I hope your fiance doesn't make the same mistake.

I understand the prenup im not disagreeing im not entilited to what he built up before me i get that. Also i work part time not out of choice you know we cant afford child care i contribute as much as he does
Also i never said i was pushing him i was just suprized by his reaction.
Also if you look at it he isnt considering my feelings either why be engaged to someone and not carry the commitment through hes 40 years old his head is together so should no what he wants by now and if thats not me dont you find it unfair to carry on with me.
Also a relationship isnt a one way street i cave to him all the time and support him but he dashes my dreams of a secure future together fair i think not
Also if hes not ready he should have the decency to tell me. Im not clingy with him or needy. All im asking him is to consider the next step in our relationship thats no a hard thing to ask you know.
I

[Wakeup]

Why don't you just go to the justice of the peace and get it made legal. If you're mother is being so generous, tell her you'd like the money she'd put into a "wedding party" to be put towards your mortgage instead.

You sound like you could care less about the actual part about being married and only care about the wedding party show off. Why do you have to have a big party? If marrying him is that important then skip the party part and just tie the knot. See if he's more agreeable to that and if he's not, then he likely never will be wanting marriage.

[Cerby]

I understand the prenup im not disagreeing im not entilited to what he built up before me i get that. Also i work part time not out of choice you know we cant afford child care i contribute as much as he does
Also i never said i was pushing him i was just suprized by his reaction.
Also if you look at it he isnt considering my feelings either why be engaged to someone and not carry the commitment through hes 40 years old his head is together so should no what he wants by now and if thats not me dont you find it unfair to carry on with me.
Also a relationship isnt a one way street i cave to him all the time and support him but he dashes my dreams of a secure future together fair i think not
Also if hes not ready he should have the decency to tell me. Im not clingy with him or needy. All im asking him is to consider the next step in our relationship thats no a hard thing to ask you know.
I

Fair enough, my initial response was a bit hasty. Have you had a sit down with him and asked him when he sees marriage? See what his timeline towards it is, and if he even wants it at all.

[basilandthyme]

I can understand having too many pieces of financial pressure at once. If marriage is important to you, what's stopping you getting a simple courthouse wedding?

[michelle23]

Talking about a prenup and divorve before you have even set a date for the wedding is a bad sign. What happened to marriage is for life? It sounds like he doesnt trust marriage and doesnt want it and he doesnt trust you.

I recommend u put the breaks on the whole subject of marriage, take off ur engagement ring and put it in a box and if he doesnt mention weddings again within a year-acxept its not gonna happen. Then u can decide whether ur gonna stay with him or leave him.

[michelle23]

I also understand his need to be setup financially before getting married-what i dont understand is y he put an engagement ring on ur finger if hes not ready to marry you yet-sounds a bit stupid to me..

[Cerby]

I also understand his need to be setup financially before getting married-what i dont understand is y he put an engagement ring on ur finger if hes not ready to marry you yet-sounds a bit stupid to me..

It's something people seem to be doing more and more, usually people in their late teens/early twenties. They buy a promise ring, then call it an engagement ring, and live infinitely engaged without any actual plans of marriage. I think people like to say they have a "fiancé", even though they won't necessarily ever be a future spouse.

[irresistible46]

Okay, I skipped over the entire reading when I saw the heading "my FIANCE won't marry me". Sounds a little odd calling him your fiance when he is too silly to even marry you. Fiance means ready for marriage and planning. That was obviously not his intentions. He is silly and immature and needs to understand terms before wasting your time and buying rings and what not. You deserve better.

[irresistible46]

Well put Michelle. They buy rings at early ages and are not mature enough to really understand or respect the symbol. Just call it what it is friendship rings, infinite engagement. I used to witness that sort of behavior in college with classmates all the time. Indefinite engagements. All a bunch of bullshit to me. It sounds really stupid to me.

[vashti]

I agree that you should consider skipping a big wedding, and just get married. You have a child together already, for crying out loud! Who cares about a silly white dress?

Leave your mom to spend her own money. You and your fiance are old enough to cover your own expenses.

and no, you DON'T have a fiance. To be engaged is to not only have a ring, but also a date set to be married.

[michelle23]

It is ridiculous to get engaged if your not ready to get married. Its an empty promise.

[heartpuff]

Wait for him to be ready to get married.