Help me not to die, i need to know what to do

**aksy** · 23-03-13, 03:26 PM

I met this guy last year this time. We started dating at first our dates were casual. We had broken up with his girlfriends lately, I have broken up with my boyfriend, so we were talking each other about loneliness and stuff like that. He told me that there was a girl in his life once he wanted to marry but he took him down and ever since he has not fallen in love like that. He often told me he wants to be able to love again. So as time went by we become closer and exclusive with each other. Once however during our talk he said that I am a special friend for him. I told him i don't want to be a friend, that either we become a couple or we break up. Next day he called and told he wants to see me irregardless of who we are to each other. So time went by. We are like couple. People who saw us thought that we are a gf and bf. I had most wonderful time with him. But the fact that i didn't know who I am for him, tortured me. We had some small conversations on that several times, but we were both not ready to loose each other so things went back as there were.
Yesterday I decided to have the talk. I told him I want to know if he is my boyfriend or not. as i am exclusive with him so I need to know that there is a sense behind it. I told him i don't want to meet him once or twice in a week and talk via Facebook the rest of the time. He said i feels that it is his blame , I told him that it is not his blame as he never cheated me,as always knew what I am going for. He said that he completely understands me but cannot promise me anything. I sweared he does not know what to do and that he has often though about us and what we are going to do. I really felt he was very sad and upset. AT least that was genuine for sure.

I know that now i need to move on and find another person and stuff like that. But I need HIM. i love him, i need him so desperately. I agree on any conditions to get him back now, i regret my decision. so is there hope he will call me back? I am even ready to call him now.. though I understand that we both need time. Help me .......... plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz . Dont just write he is a jerk and i need to move on............

**aksy** · 23-03-13, 05:23 PM

someoneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

**kimhotcake** · 23-03-13, 06:11 PM

You need to call a girl friend. Is there someone you can talk to? I spend many hours on the phone with my best girl when I'm going through something tough. Something about venting verbally is very therapeutic.

**lamobatsman** · 23-03-13, 08:26 PM

i think i agree with kimhotcake.

**lamobatsman** · 23-03-13, 08:27 PM

talk to your girl mate about this.
but if u want my two cents- youneed to move on. hes not thatinterested in you im sorry

**michelle23** · 23-03-13, 08:41 PM

You do not neeeeedddd anyone. stop thinking that way. that is co-dependency and not healthy.

You need to be strong and find ways to get on with your life. Lean on family and friends Go on a few dates, join some hobbies etc. Keep busy

**lamobatsman** · 23-03-13, 08:52 PM

easier said then done michelle. co-depedency is kind of normal these days to a certain extent with everyone no?

**aksy** · 23-03-13, 08:59 PM

true i feel addicted to him..

**michelle23** · 23-03-13, 09:07 PM

Originally Posted by lamobatsman

easier said then done michelle. co-depedency is kind of normal these days to a certain extent with everyone no?

No that is not true. A healthy mutual relationship where you love and respect each other, share the same values, morals and beliefs as well as future goals where you do not fight or argue over stupid things, where you want to make each other happy and not hurt each other and you know when to walk away if its not working or if they treat you badly is not co-dependency.

co-dependency is when you feel like you cant walk away no matter what-your addicted to each other and feed off each others misery, score cheap points off each other, hurt each other but yet wont leave even though you no its destructive and unhealthy.

The OP's mentality will land her in an unhealthy destructive co-dependant relationship if she doesn't change her mentality

**Wakeup** · 23-03-13, 11:03 PM

I know that now i need to move on and find another person and stuff like that. But I need HIM. i love him, i need him so desperately. I agree on any conditions to get him back now, i regret my decision. so is there hope he will call me back? I am even ready to call him now.. though I understand that we both need time. Help me .......... plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz . Dont just write he is a jerk and i need to move on............

You are not going to die. You'll get over him but you have to first realize that the more you let him lead you along in non-commtted land, the older you're getting and the less viable you are to men who actually want what you want which is a loving partner, committed to them and perhaps some children in time. He doesn't want to give you that so why would you want to waste anymore time?

The longer you go no contact, the more you purposefully change your thoughts of him to something else, the more you get out there and are determined to get over him and his wishy/washy ways, the quicker you'll stop being in the pain of withdrawl from your "addiction."

You're currently just starting your withdrawl which is the hardest part. Keep at it and sooner than you think you'll be at the stage of indifference to him. That is when you'll be able to pick a partner that suits you. Learn from this and immediately stop seeing any man that tells you he can't give you what you want. No going back because you'll only get "addicted" again to somone who doesn't want the same things you do. Reflect and learn from your own actions so that you don't repeat the same mistakes with anyone else.

**HeartIsAching** · 23-03-13, 11:10 PM

Originally Posted by lamobatsman

easier said then done michelle. co-depedency is kind of normal these days to a certain extent with everyone no?

Um..... no.

**Wakeup** · 23-03-13, 11:17 PM

Sorry HIA.. I had to add on that: Everyone has some tendencies of codependency however when it becomes a lifestyle and it freezes you in the dysfuction of trying to caretake your relationship and you find yourself trying to control and failing at it, constantly trying to change the person you're with and failing at it, then that is NOT normal.

Thinking it's normal in itself is a sign of the dysfunction that is codependency.

**warriormaiden** · 24-03-13, 12:05 AM

Girl.
You are not going to die. Stop being melodramatic.

He's telling you what he wants. And its not you. I mean, you're a good time. But as far as something real and genuine, not gonna happen.
Be strong, cut your losses. I know its hard, but its what must be done. Trust me, you're going to face far tougher choices than this.
Do you date often?

I wish you luck.

**michelle23** · 24-03-13, 12:22 AM

co-dependency: http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/signs-of-a-codependent-relationship

**aksy** · 24-03-13, 05:38 AM

i just feel some awefil headache of crying my eyes out all day long.. and I ont want to be in this state any longer

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