should i quit e-mailing?

[squirrley]

I recently reunited with a guy i was totally in love with as a kid. When I saw him a few months ago, he took my breath away. We admitted we have feelings for eachother. We live in different states and he can't move for a couple of years yet. Bad thing, he had an ex that he slowly reconciled with right before we saw eachother, but now he's really confused just like me. We still talk via e-mail several times a week. We know things felt "RIGHT" and things aren't "natural" with his current situation. SO WHAT DO I DO? We still want to see eachother, and he drops little hints he still cares after all this time. GEEZ, I'd wait for him if I knew what HE really wanted. But it's so messed up. I won't give him ultimatoms or ask what's going on over there. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP?

[MVPlaya]

Look, do you really want to wait 2 years for a guy to come around? Seriously, unless you live in some remote wilderness I am sure there are other great guys you can find who are available NOW not 2 YEARS FROM NOW. Also, if the situation is "confusing" it may simply be indecisiveness on his behalf about acting, not that he's confused. He may be afraid of acting. I say move on, there's other men out there.

[jane]

He's got a point.
Its really easy for men to put you on that string and then leave your ass tied there for as long as they can.

Why is he your X to begin with is a better question?

[squirrley]

See-we were really young, and he's 4 years older than me. At the time it was socially not acceptable. We just played around in the closet if ya know what I mean. He someone very special to me from 3rd grade on. After he graduated he left the area. Now, well, it's tough. I don't want to play games, he knows it. Should I jsut tell him to piss off than? I'm a single parent and decided a couple of years ago I didn't want a relationship til he was in high school, I've been single for 4 years and have been happy that way, I WAS NOT looking for this to happen.

[jane]

I think you are being unfair to yourself when you say that you don't want to be in a relationship until he is in HS.

I know why you would say that. Why expose your child to many different guys looking for the right one? Thats unhealthy.
I just think you need to be smart about it.
Obviously, I have no idea how old you kid is but I am sure that your intentions are good.

You need to live. I mean face, women have needs too., right?
Just be samrt about it

As for the email, Its just email, are you going to meet up with him in the future?

[squirrley]

I am only 33, my son is 14 and half. Too impressionable of an age to have guys in and out of our home. Yea, have needs, but putting my son first.

He recently told me he almost made it close by. He's in the military. OUCH. He's told me he wants to see me again, it depends on his situation out there.

I would wait for him. Damn, 4 years by myself has been nice and I'm not ready for something serious anyway. I'm content with how things are now. But he continually lets me know in his own way he wants to see me or is curious about my sexual life. Just this week when I actually spoke with him my son made a comment and he was worried my son didn't want us talking. That wasn't it, my son thinks its cool. I've never felt this way about anyone, and I still get the butterflies when I think about him. the 3 day trip was not what we expected. More came out of that than what either of us anticipated.

[jane]

Then there is no reason why yo can't make it work. What's up with his X? Are they serious? Are they living together?

[squirrley]

NO! He moved out months ago. He AND a mutual friend told me it's not a good situation. She treats him like crap and earlier this year attempted suicide(nice guilt trip there). He told me earlier she had mental problems(obviously) and wanted to help her, I understand that. They were together for 2 years and apparently things haven't been great. He told me he wasn't in love with her, and was just afraid of starting over(told me that prior to our trip). I think he's still with her, i don't aks, i tell him I don't want to know TMI thing. LEt him make his own decision. Honestly I think the male in him is there for the sex, which, I showed him on our trip made him realize what's real and natural. She'll dig her own grave. But, from a mutual friend things aren't right there.

[jane]

I think you ansered your own question then. Obviously, watch out for the usual lies and strange behavior but I say go for it.

If he isn't happy and he's looking to you for attention. Go for it girl!

[squirrley]

that's what I'm saying, if he's not happy he wouldn't have made that trip knowing what was in the past with us. I've recently sent him some great pictures via digital camera(nice handy tool there) and of course loved them! Now he can't get me out his head!!
Now-youre currently in a similar spot right?

[jane]

yup, sure am.
It sucks but you know what? I care about him, alot. I have work that is occuping alot of my time right now. I guess because I care, I don't want to give up on what might be, ya know?
He's an amazing guy and I really want to find out how this is all going to end.
I tell you what though, the sexaul tension between us is going to be the death of us. Its bad.

[squirrley]

oh man don't i know. I was reading your journal, and thought how nuts cause i am feeling the same bs. He's 3000 miles away, same dif. DAMN. How can something that feels so right and natural for the first time in your life and it can't happen NOW, or yesterday. How long have you been in this? Cause let me tell ya, it's where I'm at, i want to see this through. Our families know eachother as best friends back then, he made a comment to me on our trip "You have my head spinning, this is just a great scenario for us". My family knows, his doesn't. On the account of his current situation, but we know our families would be happy. Do you have any plans to hook up?

[jane]

We did but it fell through. I'm a Chef and its really hard for me to pick up and leave but I'm working on it.

we have been chatting on line for about 2 months. He is so great. I have never felt like this before. We are perfect for each other. I need to send him a picture but my digital camara doesn't work. It's fustrating. I'm not giving up anytime soon. I want to see him in person. I have a picture of him. (he's adorable by the way).

It's hard for sure.

[squirrley]

Whew, that's tough. Get your camera working girl. Trust me, he'll love it. He did. Said he couldn't get up from his desk for a long long time. "I'd ALMOST recommend you pose for a mag, your'e certainly sexy enough". He's so damn cute too. Man in Military uniform, makes me crazy. It is hard when careers stand in the way of things. He's a master sergeant and takes trips, so he tried to get close enough so I can drive. He's been working on taking a vacation but too many things going on the govt.

Isn't funny how one guy can turn your world upside down? I was with someone for 10 years(never got married) THANK GOD. Cause i think my motto "everything happens for a reason."

We were both back in FL 4 years ago recovering from bad break ups, his divorce, and we didn't know it. 4 yrs later he we are. I think it wasn't meant to be then, it would'nt have been right, but now. My(wish) baby is adorable too. I've got a pic too. They're great aren't they? Ya need to get planning girl! Life is too short.

[jane]

Tell me about it. At 31 you think I would ahve my life all planned out by now. Jesus.. he came along and totally rocked my world.
Keep me posted on the happenings. I'll do the same.


Keep the faith that it will all work out in the end. I understand exactly where you are!
Jane