LDR problem???

[zenithchaos]

Hi!

So, I'm in a LDR with someone I've never met, age difference 1-2 years (2 right now, wil be 1 in a few months).

So, when we first became friends, I'd complain about my boyfriend and he'd lament about being in love with girls he couldn't have. But now that we're together-ish, I feel really weird. I went through the conversations we used to have, and I feel like there's a chance of him not being faithful. On one hand, he always says how much he loves me and wishes we could be together, but unlike normal LDRs, he hasn't said anything about saving up to see me or vice versa. In case people were going to say "he sounds too good to be true," i'm friends with his friends, we've skyped, etc. and that's another thing. we've only ever video chatted once, it was a little over a year ago, i'm not totally sure how i feel about that? like, i feel that for the amount of effort we put in, we should talk face to face. but there IS a 4-hour time difference, and we both have really busy schedules (he's always in a school play, i'm almost always at the ice rink practicing) and recently we've not really been able to catch each other at the same time.

i'm a little worried, given our history (we used to harbor so much animosity towards eachother, it wasn't funny) that maybe this is all a joke to him.

Should I be worried?

[bearz]

I hate to say it, but if there is no way that you can see each other regularly there is no point in pursuing this. Sounds like you are both still pretty young so traveling across four time zones on a constant basis isn't really an option.

I think you both just got close back then because you were just looking for someone to share your feelings with, you comforted each other and of course you kind of grew on each other. But since you have never met each other you don't really know what he is really like. All you know is his online presence and how he acts, but he might be a completely different person when you actually meet him. He also doesn't seem to put much effort into your LDR. I'm sorry to say this but I just don't see this working out for you.

[zenithchaos]

One of the reasons I've decided to continue with the LDR is I have a lot of problems with physical intimacy. I'm currently in recovery for an eating disorder, so my body image is also in a really bad place (this is actually a forced recovery after a hospitalization, making it that much worse, bleh!) in conjunction with a bad experience with a male when I was younger. So a physical relationship right now isn't what I'm looking for, but I understand what you're saying.

That's actually not true. Well, I actually don't know if that's actually true. See, he "got close to me so he could tear me down" or so he said at one point forever ago. I have my suspicions that he's either just kind of ****ing with me, or that i don't know. I really don't. It's hard to explain how our relationship has really started. I know that he's the exact same in person, which isn't really a good thing.

I kind of feel like, for now, it's just nice to have someone there to say comforting words, I guess..?

[michelle23]

Youve never met?? That is just a fantasy then. Its like talking to a robot. LDR are pointless if theres no chance to meet or if theres a lot of distance between you.

Forget about him and start meeting people in your local area

You cant expect him to be "faithful to you" if youve never actually met. That is stupid.

[ashley89]

what's the point of being in an online relationship with someone you've never met and won't see regularly? sounds like a huge waste of time.

[ashley89]

See, he "got close to me so he could tear me down" or so he said at one point forever ago.

why would you even want to be FRIENDS with someone who says stupid BS like that to you, let alone be in a relationship with them? forget this LDR and move on to someone who lives by you and won't treat you like shit.

[bearz]

You shouldn't be afraid of a physical relationship, but in this case I can definitely see where you're coming from. But trying to hide in an online only relationship isn't going to help you. After all of what you had to go through, you need to slowly work towards a physical relationship again. It will take time for sure before you can feel comfortable around someone, but you will get there eventually.

And I know what you mean when you say it's just comforting to have someone to talk to. But then that's all this should be, a normal friendship with two people talking to each other, nothing more, no feelings towards each other.

From what you have told us so far, your LDR with this guy isn't really healthy for you and it has no future.

[zenithchaos]

Haha, it really isn't healthy, and I don't think it has a future. We also have really different ideas of what we want for our futures, and that's a big no for me. I guess it's just kind of nice to have an unbiased voice telling me things? Maybe? I'm not sure why I put up with this, haha.

As for other people in this thread: I totally see your guys's points, and I agree 100%.

[michelle23]

I think you should be on your own and focus on healing for now. When you are ready to meet someone you can focus on going slow and building trust when it comes to intimacy.

[Sekret]

Trust is vital regardless, and very good chances if you were with someone when you got into a relationship with someone else, there be trust issues. IMO simply move on and just be friends if he's interested. Regardless of physical intimacy you need someone close. A lot of times LDR don't work anyway.

[lamobatsman]

if u want my advice u shud look at my story. btw how long have u been with him or chatting to him?

i did something similar to you but never again will i do this. firstly what everyone said to you about this ebing a fantasy relationship well thats wat people told me. BUt i disagree u can like someone by talking to them for sure and can harbour feelings too. But will it work?? no i dont think so.

He hasnt even made an effort to come see you or skype u?? pfft if someone reli likes u they will make the time. thats my thinking.
I was tlaking to this girl from another country for 2 months and all that time she never had time to pick up the phone or skype me. that pissed me off. difference is you have a 4 hour difference so maybe hard to catch on skype. me and her had one hour difference so tehre was no excuse

[jacksl8]

How are the guys at the ice rink maybe they have Skype having a biased opinion speaks of the truth and right now you need someone honest and around the corner try the ice rink guys maybe they can warm up to you.