Is there any situation where...

[michelle23]

Also try to tell family and friends not to get involved. I know your mother was trying to help but he has every right to end the relationship if he is not happy. You cant force him to want you-noone can and like you said already "hes young". Maybe he is just not ready to be in such a serious relationship. Most people change a lot from the time they are 18-25. And again you wont be the same when your like 40.. You want different things

[brokenhearted91]

I just miss him so much, if I hadn't gone back up to uni after Christmas and been moody we wouldn't be here now. He gave me a hug when I got back, and a few hours before said he couldn't wait to see me - I think it was the straw that broke the camels back when I got there. That's not me though, I was never moody and snappy until I became unhappy living away from home, when we were at home over Christmas or summer we were brilliant. I just wish he'd see that and see what he's thrown away in the long run instead of sticking by us.

I spoke to someone at uni and they said I still have to attend seminars and lectures, but they moved stuff round so I'm only in Monday and Tuesdays so I go back on Sunday night and leave Tuesday night. I've arranged to speak to a counselor at home, but not sure when I'll start, I'm waiting for her to get in touch.

You know, part of me wishes that I could have a clean break to make it easier for me, but at the same time I'm dreading the day I know I'll no longer see him because I do love and care about him so much. As much as I can't wait to get back home on Tuesday nights so its easier, I still hate leaving because I miss him so much. Is that stupid or what?

[brokenhearted91]

Also try to tell family and friends not to get involved. I know your mother was trying to help but he has every right to end the relationship if he is not happy. You cant force him to want you-noone can and like you said already "hes young". Maybe he is just not ready to be in such a serious relationship. Most people change a lot from the time they are 18-25. And again you wont be the same when your like 40.. You want different things

No, my mum respected his decision from day one and has also took his side in the past a lot too. She never asked him to change his mind etc. She asked him afterwards just to be nice to me about it because we aren't in the same place as each other and I'm hurting a lot because I still love him, especially with the living situation and he said he would be. And then obviously he behaved like a compete arse and she was angry because she's always liked him, got on with him, done so much for him and treated him as the son she never had so she was upset and hurt too as like a separate measure that he's said he would behave well towards me and he hasn't. That's why she got involved, as a relationship between him and her as sort of two friends, she felt she had things to say to him that was separate from mine and his relationship.

I know he has the right to end the relationship, which is why, as hard as its been I've always tried to say I respect his decision. But I do think at times he has made rash decisions (like saying I had nothing to worry about with him going to uni, then after a day him saying he wasn't sure if he wanted to be with me, ending it with me, cheating on me and making him realise how much he didn't wanna lose me after all) and I sometimes feel like here he let his anger at me being like that when I got back from uni blind his feelings over all that he must have had for me because of the way we were when we weren't arguing. There's been times where I've wondered is this worth it? Do I want to be with him and I've not been sure but then I've realised that the good outweighs the bad.

Am I making any sense? It's hard to get across what I mean without looking pathetic and in denial.

[michelle23]

But I do think at times he has made rash decisions (like saying I had nothing to worry about with him going to uni, then after a day him saying he wasn't sure if he wanted to be with me, ending it with me, cheating on me and making him realise how much he didn't wanna lose me after all) and I sometimes feel like here he let his anger at me being like that when I got back from uni blind his feelings over all that he must have had for me because of the way we were when we weren't arguing.

That shows how immature and irrational he is. He is not "boyfriend material". I really believe you had a lucky escape. There is only so many times you can let him hurt you. You are too forgiving. The fact that he did all of that shows how much respect he has for you.

[michelle23]

I just miss him so much, if I hadn't gone back up to uni after Christmas and been moody we wouldn't be here now. He gave me a hug when I got back, and a few hours before said he couldn't wait to see me - I think it was the straw that broke the camels back when I got there.

I dont believe that. I think that was just an excuse. He would not end it with you for being a bit moody occasionally. Stop blaming yourself for that. He was probably feeling unhappy for ages before he ended it. Most people are ready when they finally end it coz their heart has not been in it for awhile and that is why they hit the ground running when its over. Dating again, texting, flirting etc.. Its wrong to do that obviously (like adding salt to the wounds) but many people do.

You know, part of me wishes that I could have a clean break to make it easier for me, but at the same time I'm dreading the day I know I'll no longer see him because I do love and care about him so much. As much as I can't wait to get back home on Tuesday nights so its easier, I still hate leaving because I miss him so much. Is that stupid or what?

Its not stupid but it is denial.

[brokenhearted91]

If I'd not done the things that made him unhappy like he asked then I don't see how we wouldn't still be together? He always said that was the thing that was making him lose feeling for me. Just like the things I asked him not to do, he stopped so it made me happier.. That's what I mean.

I can't help but blame myself, I was in control of this in the sense that I could stop making him unhappy and I chose to ignore it because I was too preoccupied with other things.

I totally hear everything your saying, part of me believes it too but the part that loves him, cares about him and invested so much in him believes that he did love me and we did have a lovely relationship. I'm battling with so many emotions, grief, anger, sadness, rejection, loneliness. I just don't know if I'm coming or going. That you for taking the time to reply to me, it does mean a lot.

[michelle23]

Your welcome. I understand how your feeling and have empathy for you. Breakups are a part of life. We all go through them. They hurt like hell but the chances are this wont be your last breakup. And the next one it might be you doing the dumping.

We have to go through a few bad experiences in order to learn what we want/don't want. Now that you have experienced all this it will make you stronger and make you look for a man who has all of his good qualities but none of his bad.

If your overall relationship was sooo good and you just had a few silly arguments and was moody occasionally-you would still be together. The overall relationship was unhealthy and he has broken your heart more than once. How many times do you want to let him hurt you before you say enough is enough?

You look at him through rose tinted glasses. I know you love him but you need to take a closer look and see what other people probably see. An immature little boy who treats his gf badly.

[brokenhearted91]

I know deep down your most likely right but I am looking at it through the eyes of someone who loves and cares about someone and wants to make it work with him because I loved the good times. Hopefully seeing someone and speaking so a counsellor will help me too to overcome this whatever way it ends up, I feel like people get fed up of hearing me speak about it. A friend said that she was basically getting sick of hearing about it so I know I go on too much, I just have to let things out or I want to explode.

I guess I just feel like if I could get back home so I didn't have that making me miserable as well as finishing uni and in turn I'd be a happier less moody person and we could get back on track. I guess he didnt believe I could change.

[bearz]

I think what you are going through right now is pretty normal. Your feelings and emotions will calm down over time and you will slowly stop thinking about it. It hurts like hell now but you will get better. I'm just like you, I need to talk about my feelings and can't keep them all bundled up inside of me, but I also tend to share too of them, too often. I have annoyed people myself and I've been trying to be better, but sometimes you just have to let it all out.

[michelle23]

Im the opposite. When I am hurt or upset I keep it all in but then it all comes out like 6 months later and when I start talking I cant stop....

Its normal though to let it out and you should find a more understanding friend who will just listen.

I remember a breakup when I was 17. Looking back now it makes me laugh coz I dont know why I was upset over the loser but at the time I pushed everyone away but my best friend was always there. Wed sit in my dads shed and shed try to cheer me up. Even though I never really talked about it-she new I was hurting and went out of her way to make me smile.

*smiles* I love her!

Everyone deals with it in there own way. If you need to talk-thats cool. Just find someone willing to listen

[brokenhearted91]

Finding someone to listen is easier said than done too. I just keep praying this is a bad dream that Illl wake up from soon.

[michelle23]

I wouldn't see it as a nightmare. Its a new beginning, fresh start, time to learn to be happy alone. get your own career, friends, hobbies etc.. theres plenty of men in the world that would treat you better than he did

[brokenhearted91]

I was happy with him though, he made me feel loved, wanted, happy, confident, and I didn't want that to end. I wish he could see how much I miss him and want us to work. Now he's probably off happy without me, but he said I made him happy. Did he lie to me? I just don't know. I wish I could see his feelings, then I'd know for sure where I stand. I'm so angry he can throw 3 years away as if it didn't mean anything to him.

[michelle23]

If he really wanted you he would be with you.

You cant rely on someone to make you happy, confident etc. Those things come from within you.

Even if you get back together-the chances of it working long term are slim. Hes already ended it two or three times (if not more). Why pro-long the agony. Be glad it ended after 3 years instead of 10 or 20. Now you have a chance to find someone who wont give up on you or your relationship

[brokenhearted91]

I want to make steps towards moving on I really do, but also at the same time I don't want to give up hope entirely. He said he's angry at me still, there's lots of things that could happen in the future to make him change his mind, I guess we never know what the future holds. There are stories of people splitting for months, even years before anything happens and theres also times when it doesnt i know that. I'm not expecting them, but if I give up then there's no chance. Does that make sense? If you don't fight for what you want and try then you'll fail. You get out of things what you put into them. But like I said, I'm definitely not going to sit waiting around wasting my life in hope it happens but at the same time I'm not gonna make myself feel lost. I hope I'm coming across how I want to come across.