What is it that women find attractive in men? (And a more personal question)

[Craving Hip]

As I mentioned in my other thread, I'm a virgin and although I have interacted with females at work, I have never felt comfortable enough to ask one such a question. So excuse my naivety if my speculation seems really whacky and also for all these stereotypes you're about to read. But this is how I perceive men: Men are big, hairy and bald in the wrong places, bulgy, rough, cold, smelly, unrefined, and on and on and on. I see women as feminine, pretty, playful, cute, caring, soft, sweet-smelling, refined, sensitive, warm, with bodies like works of art, etc. So you're probably laughing, cause I'm way overgeneralizing. But there is a little truth to that, no, and I know there are hairy rough unemotional women who marry or date slim sensitive soft feminine men, but I think that's the exception not the norm.

So heterosexual women, what's the attraction to the male sex? Let me start from the basics: Is it merely have some body next to you at night, be it a man or a pet or any living thing? I imagine for a small percentage of women (especially amongst older or sick or lonely people) that may be true. Or is it to have a person around, a role that another female could fill just as well? Someone to talk to. But obviously neither of these cases is attraction, be it have a pet or female roommate, it's companionship.

Is it that men are different from women? I know that sometimes people are attracted to things they themselves don't have, which is probably why masculine men find feminine women attractive. So is that why, the fact that the guy is different and that he may be smelly and insensitive but he also has a penis and has muscles and has a big jaw and tougher upper body, etc? So are those more masculine characteristics what attracted you to men? But I also see girls attracted to guys who have beautiful flowing golden hair or beautiful blue eyes. Those are more feminine features so what does that mean if these are the very features that draw some women to become sexually attracted or fall in love with men?

Or is it more traditional gender roles, and attraction to a strong man who can protect you, or to a bread-winner who can support you? But that mindset is probably why some men feel insecure when they start dating women who work and support themselves. They'd probably think, Why else is the girl staying with me then? What about a man who is good with words, constantly praising you and making you feel good about yourself, does that make you fall in love? And once I watched a movie about a girl who became attracted to a guy mainly because the guy seemed to do what the girl always wanted to do but couldn't, like violate the law, rebel against parents, and just be a big risk taker. But is that love, is that attraction to the opposite sex or could she have just as well felt attracted to a girl who did those same things?

I am doing a lot of crazy speculation but the reality is I can not understand love and attraction. I have tried but I don't get it. There was a girl at work, years ago, who'd tell me about her problems and I'd listen and it seemed to me she enjoyed my presence but that was not love. That was friendship. Or if I help her move, that's again friendship. I have a penis and that makes me a guy I guess :p , but I don't have big muscles, and I am not the stereotypical guy who is all macho or an unemotional person full of energy who can make things happen and take the girl places, and be a rock when she's emotional. I feel like that's what most women want, a beast of a man that they can train to be more sensitive. Sort of like a pet. I can be a rock...well, a soft rock...on the outside but I'm not that on the inside. That's not what women want, they want a guy who really is a rock by nature, then they can work on the rough edges and soften them a bit, and that's not me.

I'm a sensitive guy, more of a homebody, so I'm not that different from the stereotypical more emotional and sensitive woman I think. I don't have piercing blue eyes, I don't have long flowing hair either (I don't have hair actually), and I don't make the big money. Why would anyone fall in love with me? And what kind of person would fall in love with me? I mean what it is that I have to offer that a feminine woman is lacking?

I was thinking about this the other day, and thinking, but what do I want, what would I find attractive, what would make someone be more than a friend to me? I like a beautiful girl who is caring and intelligent and loves me for who I am (well, at least some of it). I want her to be energetic but at the same time willing to accept that I'm not. I will be the cautious one, she can be the wild spirit. She can drag me to a dance club or something once in a while and I like to have someone do that, but not break up with me just cause I don't feel like going dancing five times a week. The problem is, why the heck would she want a person like me, why not get a guy just as energetic as she is? That is why I have to figure out what women want, what I can offer someone. And if it's just merely someone who wants me to listen to her problems, is that even love or do I play the role of a good friend or therapist?

I just realized I went from a general speculation about what women want to my persona life, but I assume whoever has read this post up to this point probably has a headache and couldn't care to read me speculate more on my original speculation, so I'll just shut up. :p

[michelle23]

But this is how I perceive men: Men are big, hairy and bald in the wrong places, bulgy, rough, cold, smelly, unrefined, and on and on and on. I see women as feminine, pretty, playful, cute, caring, soft, sweet-smelling, refined, sensitive, warm, with bodies like works of art, etc. So you're probably laughing, cause I'm way overgeneralizing. But there is a little truth to that, no, and I know there are hairy rough unemotional women who marry or date slim sensitive soft feminine men, but I think that's the exception not the norm.

I think everyone is unique, everyone has good qualities and bad and everyone has a type that they are attracted to. You should just be yourself and don't try to fall into the stereotypes. A lot of them are not true.

So heterosexual women, what's the attraction to the male sex? Let me start from the basics: Is it merely have some body next to you at night, be it a man or a pet or any living thing? I imagine for a small percentage of women (especially amongst older or sick or lonely people) that may be true. Or is it to have a person around, a role that another female could fill just as well? Someone to talk to. But obviously neither of these cases is attraction, be it have a pet or female roommate, it's companionship.

Love is a very intense powerful feeling and the love most people have for their partner is different to anyone else. According to research-women love their man equally to their children and men love their woman unconditionally also. Love never really fades. That special person will always be special even if it doesn't work out and will always have a place in your heart. Which is why I think divorce is pointless and infidelity should be illegal. People do not want a companion, a friend etc. I want that deep meaningful unbreakable bond where trust, honesty and love is cherished above all else.

Is it that men are different from women? I know that sometimes people are attracted to things they themselves don't have, which is probably why masculine men find feminine women attractive. So is that why, the fact that the guy is different and that he may be smelly and insensitive but he also has a penis and has muscles and has a big jaw and tougher upper body, etc? So are those more masculine characteristics what attracted you to men? But I also see girls attracted to guys who have beautiful flowing golden hair or beautiful blue eyes. Those are more feminine features so what does that mean if these are the very features that draw some women to become sexually attracted or fall in love with men?

Attraction is important to women but personality is more important. Again that is just a stereotype. I personally love muscle but I do not like insensitivity. Many woman are not attracted to muscle-and many are. Most woman want a man to make her feel special, to feel loved, to feel safe and respected. We do not want to be seen as purely a wife or mother-there is a lot more to being a woman than that. We are intelligent, bright, funny, sexual, fun etc. A man who respects me as a woman and treats me as his equal is the only type of man I would be interested in (lol im a feminist)

Or is it more traditional gender roles, and attraction to a strong man who can protect you, or to a bread-winner who can support you? But that mindset is probably why some men feel insecure when they start dating women who work and support themselves. They'd probably think, Why else is the girl staying with me then? What about a man who is good with words, constantly praising you and making you feel good about yourself, does that make you fall in love? And once I watched a movie about a girl who became attracted to a guy mainly because the guy seemed to do what the girl always wanted to do but couldn't, like violate the law, rebel against parents, and just be a big risk taker. But is that love, is that attraction to the opposite sex or could she have just as well felt attracted to a girl who did those same things?

That is not love. Love is when you are with your best friend who your sexual compatible with. I think that is the best way to sum it up. I don't want a man to provide for me etc or to do what I say. I want someone I respect as my equal who also respects me.

I am doing a lot of crazy speculation but the reality is I can not understand love and attraction. I have tried but I don't get it. There was a girl at work, years ago, who'd tell me about her problems and I'd listen and it seemed to me she enjoyed my presence but that was not love. That was friendship. Or if I help her move, that's again friendship. I have a penis and that makes me a guy I guess :p , but I don't have big muscles, and I am not the stereotypical guy who is all macho or an unemotional person full of energy who can make things happen and take the girl places, and be a rock when she's emotional. I feel like that's what most women want, a beast of a man that they can train to be more sensitive. Sort of like a pet. I can be a rock...well, a soft rock...on the outside but I'm not that on the inside. That's not what women want, they want a guy who really is a rock by nature, then they can work on the rough edges and soften them a bit, and that's not me.

Its not true. Smart woman know you cannot change anybody. Only idiots go after a man that they want to "tame" or "change". It is also not true that men are "unemotional"-that is just a stereotype and men who try to put on an act are the ones believing the lie. You should look up the 9 stages of a relationship. And look up the hormones vasopressin, oxytocin and dopamine and the roles they play in pair bonding. I cant explain love. Its when you know all the good and bad things about someone but you love them anyway. You can spend a lot of time with them without getting irritated or annoyed too often. You talk to them about personal things that you would normally not talk to anyone else about, the affection and intimacy you share together is special and it brings you closer and closer. Trust is important as well as communication.

I'm a sensitive guy, more of a homebody, so I'm not that different from the stereotypical more emotional and sensitive woman I think. I don't have piercing blue eyes, I don't have long flowing hair either (I don't have hair actually), and I don't make the big money. Why would anyone fall in love with me? And what kind of person would fall in love with me? I mean what it is that I have to offer that a feminine woman is lacking?

Lots of woman want a good man that wont hurt her, lie to her or betray her-who wont break her heart into a tiny pieces and leave her emotionally dead. There are lots of woman who dont fall into the stereotypical definition of beauty but are beautiful underneath. Some people look past looks and a great personality and confidence can make you more attractive.

I was thinking about this the other day, and thinking, but what do I want, what would I find attractive, what would make someone be more than a friend to me? I like a beautiful girl who is caring and intelligent and loves me for who I am (well, at least some of it). I want her to be energetic but at the same time willing to accept that I'm not. I will be the cautious one, she can be the wild spirit. She can drag me to a dance club or something once in a while and I like to have someone do that, but not break up with me just cause I don't feel like going dancing five times a week. The problem is, why the heck would she want a person like me, why not get a guy just as energetic as she is? That is why I have to figure out what women want, what I can offer someone. And if it's just merely someone who wants me to listen to her problems, is that even love or do I play the role of a good friend or therapist?

Most women will not expect to go out dancing 5 nights a week. Once will probably be enough. But you need to be a little more assertive. Most women wait for men to come to her, to ask her out and take her somewhere fun. Maybe you should look for a woman who has more in common with you? Who likes the same things because a complete opposite would be fun for awhile but then you would drift apart.

[michelle23]

Have you ever considered meeting someone with a similar background to you? Someone who understands your religion and who you have a lot in common with. It could start off as a friendship and grow into something more meaningful.

Have you ever been sexually attracted to someone? Do you have sexual urges or could you be asexual? Or you may have suppressed any sexual feelings and need sex therapy? Does the thought of being affectionate or intimate with someone excite you or does it bother you?

Try not to believe all the books you read or the films you see on TV etc. They are again just stereotypes. Learn from the people around you and how they behave. We are all different. I think men and women are similar in lots of ways.

1. both have the desire to pro-create and have sexual urges.
2. both have the desire to feel loved
3. both want to feel safe and secure
4. both want to fall in love and stay in love

etc.

Dont believe that women are alien species. We are not that different.

[Craving Hip]

Haha, thanks, I particularly like:
Dont believe that women are alien species. We are not that different.

[pcmaster]

Whats next? Alien sex !

[Boisdevie]

My GF tells me that she likes me for my huge cock, red Ferrari and swiss bank account. She also loves me because I never exaggerate or lie.