freak me out??

[newdax]

OK gents,
what does it mean, when you are great friends with a guy... (just friends, with no benefits ) ... he will call you when needing to go to the hospital, he will be there when you need him... he will tell his gf that you are a great friend (which you think you are)
and then, when drunk, he will tell you: "you freak me out" (several times during the same evening, not wanting to say why and when asked some other day, not willing to answer... but still acting like an amazing friend)

btw, we have agreed at an early stage of knowing each other that we would not date, but be great friends, which we are.

[michelle23]

You should not be such close friends. He has a girlfriend.

[newdax]

what is wrong in having a friend of the opposite sex and respecting his-her relationship?
i mean, if you meet someone with whom you share a lot of interests, you will stop meeting up because that person is in a relationship? that's a bit farfetched...
Im not saying im sleeping or even kissing with the person...

[FlaCooln]

Nothing is wrong with it...Just that your SO may get jealous. My exGF had quite a few good male friends, all were straight. Never bothered me at all, I actually became great friends with them. I wished she had a gay friend tho or better girl friends b/c then I would not of had to see movies like the Atonement (worst movie EVER)...lol.

But, consider that I have never been the jealous type nor have I been cheated on and have NEVER cheated myself. So i don't have any trust issues. My ex on the other hand would get a bit clingy and jealous if other hot women were around, so it proably would not have been ok with her for me to spend time with other women (particularly if they were hot).

[michelle23]

Well you are obviously crossing the lines of friendship as you wouldnt be on here asking all these questions otherwise. If you have feelings for him-stay away from him. He has a gf

[bearz]

The world would be a terrible place if no one who is in a serious relationship wasn't allowed to have close friends.

[michelle23]

I have lots of close friends (female friends) and lots of close family. I also occasionally chat to my bf's friends or my friends boyfriends etc. However, I dont text them, ring them, meet them alone and have private chats etc.

That is crossing a line when in a relationship.

[newdax]

The world would be a terrible place if no one who is in a serious relationship wasn't allowed to have close friends.

thanks! I absolutely agree... no matter the sex of the close friend... but i guess it requires some open-mindedness missing in so many
but to my point.. why using terms like "freak out" )

[michelle23]

lol if your only going to listen to people who tell you what you want to hear-your wasting your time on this site.

Why do you care what he means by it if hes "just a friend" whatever...

[bearz]

I have lots of close friends (female friends) and lots of close family. I also occasionally chat to my bf's friends or my friends boyfriends etc. However, I dont text them, ring them, meet them alone and have private chats etc.

That is crossing a line when in a relationship.

She didn't mention that they text and call each other, only when there is a need to talk to a friend. I'm looking past the "you freak me out" part because it doesn't make any sense. And yes, there's a line that you shouldn't cross, but that doesn't mean you can't have a really close friend of the opposite sex.

[newdax]

lol if your only going to listen to people who tell you what you want to hear-your wasting your time on this site.
Why do you care what he means by it if hes "just a friend" whatever...

Michelle, I listen to people whom bring a point. I guess we have been raised in different situations, because I cannot imagine giving up on my male friends (who once again, are simple friends, with whom i go playing ice-hockey, shooting, watch games BUT WE WOULD NOT HAVE SEX NOR KISS.. they are friends) Some people prefer hanging around with people of the same sex and would NEVER talk to someone of the opposite sex while in a relationship (I had an ex who was like that).. other people don't give a damn heck as long as there is something called RESPECT (I do respect my male friends' gfs and absolutely hate cheating)
Boys are simply more relaxed and open-minded than girls and speak their mind (usually) ... Therefore i cope better with them than with girls (who are seriously a pain with their gossips and dramas)

We do text or call each other, but not on a daily basis or like in a relationship... more like with a brother, every once in a while to find out what's up and how about going for a drink... and it's mutual (not only me writing)

But I agree with Bearz. ... and yes, the "freak me out" doesn't make any sense to me either, that's why I asked gents on this forum

[michelle23]

Well I always thought it was alright too to have male friends until I heard about emotional affairs and how they normally start. And until I realized that most men do not want to be a girls "gay best friend" or as wakeup calls it "male girlfriend". If a man invests a lot of time in you-its normally not because he wants to be your "friend" plenty of men have tried to become all pally with me over the years and they always had a hidden agenda and before you know it-the dreaded "will you go out with me" happens lol and then its all awkward and you wana run away screaming..

The only time a man can be genuinly great friends with a woman and not want to go out with her is if he thinks shes very ugly or he sees her like a little sister.

[bearz]

Plenty of people have a hidden agenda, others don't. You are lumping them all together right now thinking of the worst case scenario. Only because I wouldn't mind having a sex with a good friend because she's hot (= my hidden agenda) doesn't mean I have to let her know that, nor does it mean that I would actually make a move on her, especially when she is in a relationship. That's where respecting each others boundaries comes into play and plenty of people are capable of doing that. Only because you have a thought in your head doesn't mean you have to act on it.

[newdax]

haha, as for the "The only time a man can be genuinly great friends with a woman and not want to go out with her is if he thinks shes very ugly or he sees her like a little sister."

WOW that's rough!! how about 2 of my best friends are my exes?? because I am one of those terrible girls who can break up and still keep in touch with the guy (not in my nature to delete people from my life)... but i agree, the relationship turned into a "siblings relationship" ... but i doubt it's because they find me ugly
guys don't need to find a girl "ugly" to be her friend without benefits... what works better is when the girl is so called "out of their league" (not for being too nice physically... but or having her own career goals, being clever... you know, too emancipated ) such girls are usually amazing buddies

I'm not saying that the "will you go out with me" does not occur in friendships... but it's not a rule

[HeartIsAching]

You should not be such close friends. He has a girlfriend.

You should stop attempting to impose your will on others regarding this.