Why does my boyfriend prefer his hand over me?

[lola14]

I am very conflicted, and am very much considering breaking up with my boyfriend. I could really use advice.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. I'm 27 and he's 30. From the very beginning, I knew something was off. We would have sex often, but he preferred me going down on him, and would rather have that than sex-fine. I like pleasing my guy. As time went on, He would have a hard time keeping a hard on or ejaculating. Like, I literally would have to go down on him for like 20 minutes, multiple times a day, and it didn't seem like he was all that into it. And he wouldn't even go down on me without me asking. It turned out that my boyfriend watched A LOT of porn. He said he masturbates 1-2 times a day. I explained to him that I like sex, and like feeling wanted by my boyfriend, and that I think the porn is interfering with our sex life and intimacy. He said "all guys do it" and that it's not the masturbating that is causing him this problem, but that he thinks he has nerve damage, and hence has a hard time ejaculating. I continued with saying that I think he has an addiction to porn, and he said he isn't addicted and would stop masturbating on the days that come over. OK. Fine.

However, it just keeps getting worse. We still have sex, but it feels forced. He doesn't even care for me to go down on him as much as he used to. I send him dirty text messages, sexy photos, tried lingerie, talk dirty, walk around naked, pretty much anything I can think of to get him excited, and he just doesn't seem to show that great of an interest. Well, as I found out very recently, he is still choosing masturbating over me. We barely have sex, but the second I leave the house, he masturbates. Now, I am WELL aware that guys masturbate, and would be totally OK with him masturbating, if he still treated me like he was into me. I don't get it. I used to be really secure of myself, but since i've been dating him, I'm slowly loosing that. What is going on?

Thank you guys!

[surfhb2]

He's addicted to porn and masturbation. Better have a heart to heart

[basilandthyme]

This isn't nerve damage. If it was nerve damage, he wouldn't get off to his own hand.

It's much more simple: he's so used to the feel of his own hand that he's having trouble responding to other stimulation. Now, there's nothing wrong with masturbation - but if it's so frequent that he can't react to any other stimulation, then he's over-doing it. And yes, there's probably a porn addiction going on too.

I'd lay money that if he stopped the porn and masturbation, he could reprogam himself to respond to you. But it would take a lot more than just giving it a rest on the days he sees you. He really needs to back right off on the self love.

However, if he's not willing to do this - you may as well walk away. Tell him that you'll find yourself a man who enjoys a real life woman - and wish him lack with his hand and dick.

[rob1984]

good job OP, You have awaken the twin sorcerors.. they will be here soon...

on the other hand... the fact he jerks off that much in a day, is understandable why he cannot keep a hard on.. he does seem to have an addiction to porn, you should just communicate with him.. get him some help.

[michelle23]

If he wont admit he has a problem OP-then there is nothing you can do. He needs to sort this out himself. Apparently it takes about 3-4 months of no porn to get over the addiction. He probably needs to see a counselor to help him through it.

Its not your responsibility though and you cant force him to change so you need to do what you feel is best for you. If its damaging your self esteem then maybe it is time to consider walking away. Its your choice.

[FlaCooln]

Dude is addicted to porn and masterbation. Because why the HELL would he choose some porn and his hand over a 27 yo live female who is clearly very sexual and doing everything she can to excite him. Man has problems. Tell him to get help or leave him, as you are clearly not getting what you need sexually. You have went above and beyond of what most women do.

[Nice Lover Boy]

I send him dirty text messages, sexy photos, tried lingerie, talk dirty, walk around naked, pretty much anything I can think of to get him excited, and he just doesn't seem to show that great of an interest.

I think that if my GF would of done all this for me, it would capture my attention and leave the porn. But since he has an addiction, he doesn't realize all the effort that you're doing.

[Rowen]

I agree... He does sound addicted. I think it needs to be an ultimatum, as you've tried having heart to heart conversations before, it seems. It's either his addiction to porn or he gives it a rest (at least for a while) for you... It's obviously having a very negative effect on your self esteem, and that doesn't make this relationship healthy at all.

If he can't accept he's addicted and give the old five finger massage a rest, then he's not the man for you, and you need to find someone who doesn't do this to you. While addicts don't always mean to, they can certainly be hurtful in this sense. So, you can either live with it and let yourself sink down...or you can muster the strength to give him the choice and walk away if he chooses the porn...

I know it's hard to hear, but if you've tried talking to him before, it's really the only shot left you have... I'd take it, if I were you. But that's completely up to you... All I can say for sure is that any guy would be lucky to have a girlfriend like that; you deserve better.