My married lover, I dont know what to do.

[Nicki XoXo]

Hi,

I'm Nicki and I am 26 years old. My b-day is a few months away. Please dont judge me off title. I have made a terrible mistake and I dont know what to do. Its sort of long so just be patient with me please.

I have been dating a married man for about 4 years. I know its such foolery to "date" a married person or even impossible. But it happened and it started when I was very young and it has been hard to get out of for several reasons. My married lover is 38, married of course with two children. I met him during my last year of college when I was doing an intern somewhere that he worked. I thought he was very attractive but I knew he was married so I didnt make any moves. I happen to see him a short time after that while I was out one night and we talked and got to know one another and that was it. It started off innocent enough but we continued to spend time together, he would take me out to dinner and I knew it wasnt right but he was like everything I wanted in a man. He was older then me, very successful and well off. He was a gentleman and he was careful with me and he really helped me to develop into a career woman and he even helped me to get hired after my intern where he worked because he was a director so to speak. I was always very quiet and somewhat shy and he helped me to be more assertive and developed. He bought a lot out of me while helping me. I dont want to say the company but its all corporate. He's a share holder. Anyway, one night I just planned on doing something special for him because he had done a lot for me so I left him a note and told him to meet me at a certain location which happened to be a hotel. I went and did the room real pretty, with rose petals and champagne, and ran a bubble bath. It was so romantic. I didnt even know if he would come but it was a risk I was willing to take. Well he came and thats how the affair started, which now I blame myself.

As time went on I just fell in love with him and he didnt want me to date anyone other then him so I didnt. He kept saying he was going to leave his wife because he fell in love with me and I believed him. When he would go out of town on business, I would go with him. A few people in the office knew but none of them men are any good. I have seen them get set up with high paid escorts etc. So no one said anything. Once, he went on vacation with his family and he let me go. His wife just didnt know that I was there but I went also. I introduced him to my family and friends and no one know he is married except my two best female friends.

Anyway he moved across the country to go be a part of the company, which had a new office. I was devastated. I didnt want him to leave me. He was taking his family. I know he was a father and he a good father, hes close with his children but I was pissed when he was taking his wife because I thought it was the perfect timing for him to move on with me.

So he arranges for me to move there also, which he moved there about a month before I did. He had arranged for me to have a nice Condo with everything I needed, already furnished with me a nice car (porsche) So I went thinking he really loves me. this is it. He has always taken care of me financially very well. I get there only to find out he and his wife has a beautiful home that they chose together. Its beautiful and then I snapped into reality. At that point I was realizing okay, all these years and this is what you do. He has no plan on leaving her and I told him this as time went on and he stopped denying it after that. i told him before that I was leaving to go back home and he says well go but leave my things and for me not to take anything with me. I told him I was supposed to be his wife and he said your my girlfriend and left it at that. I believe his wife knows about me although we have never had a confrontation.

I recently found out that Im six weeks pregnant and now Im just lost. He had the nerve to tell me it was my responsibility to make sure I didnt get pregnant. Wtf? He still mad at me. I was on birth control but didnt go back for my shot once I relocated. This isnt my first pregnancy by him. I was pregnant a couple of years ago and I terminated my pregnancy, which was his idea. I still regret my decision and i feel bad. It was hard for me to forgive myself. He wants me to do it again I think but I cant. I wont. I hate him for denying our babies. I want to move back home to where Im from but I am so ashamed. My parents are Pastors, Christians and they have no idea. Im so embarrassed and I dont want to embarrass them either. I have plenty money that he deposited in my acct so I have no issue with leaving his stuff. Now he's mad at me because I want to leave and he already made it clear he not leaving his wife. I know he loves me, but I know he loves her. I want to talk to her to apologize because Im sincerely sorry but I know he will be mad so Im not going to do it. He was gentle and caring and now he's arrogant and cold and think he is untouchable. I dont know what to do. I am just so sad, lonely and disappointed in myself for wasting 4 years of my life on him. If he asked me to marry him today, I would though but I played second for all these years only to be denied and I cant do it anymore. Sometimes I feel i should just stay here so that I can build my life here with no shame and just move on from him. Hes a good dad so he im sure he will be a good dad to my child. I pray he will anyway. Or if I should just go home with my fam for support and move on there, a part of me wants to wait it out.

Any advice, he still wants me to be his girlfriend, its benefits to that, I think Im addicted to the financial support and lifestyle. But I have morals and values so Im lost. Please dont be judgemental or mean just be real, Im already feeling terrible.

[HeartIsAching]

Think about your relationship with him - what do you see in the future? If he left his wife and kids for you and your kid, what makes you think he won't do it to you as well? Cheaters cheat, and your pussy doesn't have magical properties to keep him from straying - he will.

There are hard choices for your to make, none of them pleasant. You can save yourself embarrassment and terminate the pregnancy, but that's all you'll save if you do that... you'll sacrifice so much more. You can keep the pregnancy and start looking for an adoptive family - there are plenty of them out there. You can also keep the baby for yourself and go after him for child support.

I doubt he's going to leave his wife and children for you, but even if he did, would you want him?

[bearz]

He wanted his cake and eat it, too. Have his family at home, but also have you on his side when it was convenient for him. On one hand I can see why you fell for him, but you pretty much brought this onto yourself by inviting him to have sex with you that one night. I don't think he has any intentions of leaving his family for you and there is no way you should depend on him for anything. If you really think you have morals and values you should have never started this in the first place. There is only one way to make this right and that is to leave him. The pregnancy obviously puts a huge wrinkle into this and I have no idea what you should do in that regard. But one thing is for sure, you need to be able to stand on your own two feet without the need for a sugar daddy.

[VincenzoG91]

It's time to take stock of your life. Who are you, and what kind of life do you want?

Forget about marrying this guy, it's not going to happen. He has had plenty of time to leave his wife, and he hasn't, so it's safe to assume that his marriage will continue. And for all you know, you might not be the only mistress that he is keeping on the side.

So, big questions to finally face:

1. Are you going to keep the baby? Your other alternatives are adoption or abortion. You didn't like getting an abortion last time, but becoming a single mother is a tough gig.
2. Will your family help you? Make sure of that before you leave this guy.
3. Can you continue your career? There is a possibility that this guy will try to sabotage your career when you leave him.
4. If you stay, can you start saving up even more money in case of trouble? This affair is precarious, and the whole situation could fall apart suddenly at some point. Hopefully the account is in your name only, so that guy can't suddenly take his money back.

[ashley89]

this whole thing is so absurd. you were completely wrong to start this affair and let it go on for 4 years. how could you go on every single day living a lie? I mean it's just ridiculous, going on vacations with his family and his wife didn't know? how is that even possible? now you are so wrapped in and he is supporting you in so many ways that if you break it off, you're going to be screwed. I honestly don't know what to tell you... what a mess.

[Boisdevie]

So he gives you money and you let him **** you. Isn't that called prostitution?

[bcgirl]

He had his cake and eating it too. Terminate this baby and be done with him once and for all. Sometimes you need to put in perspective what is truly important and the parties involved which is his children. Imagine the psychological effects of a "bastard" child it will have on his innocent children knowing they have a half brother or sister from an affair. He made it clear he will never marry you. Don't waste anymore time on him. If it wasn't you, it would be someone else. Even if let's say he does marry you, he will most likely have his other "girlfriends" on the side. You are just a throw away to him. An escape from reality. There at his disposal. Have some self respect, get yourself a nice normal guy who isn't married and forget him. If u do have this baby, you'd be a 26 yr old single mom. G'luck finding a man who wants to be baby daddy. For some reason I find it hard to believe that you wouldn't be more careful to not get pregnant especially when you already terminated once. It makes me wonder if u could have perhaps hoped to get pregnant so that he may leave his wife and finally be with you.... But pop that fantasy bubble. Next time if you keep getting pregnant with the bc pills, then find something else that might work better. Perhaps condoms with the pill??

[Wakeup]

So he gives you money and you let him **** you. Isn't that called prostitution?

^^^ Yes it is.

Classic ending to an old story, Nicki. You're not capable of doing much on your own, in fact you couldn't even get your own boyfriend... so I suggest you just keep digging that gold, honey. Arnold Schwatzenager's maid did and so can you.

[Nicki XoXo]

Dont speak about me that way. If your going to comment. Do it honestly. I dont like being called a prostitute because Im not. I have a married lover that took care of me. Thats not prostitution. I love him.

I cant do it on my own? I did do it on my own. Doing it the right way is graduating at the top of my class, recently getting my masters, getting accepted in the intern program and getting my career in this industry as an African American woman in that sort of "environment if you know what I mean". Affair or not, I did that on my own. He may have more then me but trust me I can take care of myself and live comfortably, just because he did things for me, I didnt ask him. He just did it and I accepted it.

Thank all of you others, I will elaborate with you when I get a chance a little later.
Thank

[Wakeup]

Seems I hit a nerve!

[bearz]

So he gave you a job, a condo, a car... and you are saying you can take care of yourself and live comfortably? How do you know if everything has been handed to you by one man for the last four years? He changed your life around to fit his needs. Yes, you might have feelings for him, but that doesn't change the fact that he was buying his way into your life. I'm not calling you a prostitute, but you definitely have been used by him. I hope you realize that this isn't something you want to keep doing and you better come to that conclusion quickly since you have something growing inside of you that will make you regret a lot of the decisions you have made in the last years.

[Boisdevie]

'I did it on my own' - utter bullshit

[Wakeup]

I'm not calling you a prostitute, but you definitely have been used by him.

Funny, I'm looking at it the other way around. She sure used him for his money, dick, accomodation, holidays, education, her porche.

Why rock that love-boat now, honey? Keep on, keeping on.

[rob1984]

I'd tell his wife, or have him pay u off.

[Wakeup]

I'd tell his wife, or have him pay u off.

That's a good way to stop all those "extras" which may put her in:

Dire Straights
where the money's for nothing and the tricks are free. (my apologies to Dire Straits for the change in lyrics)