Dead set on a abortion

[Shisimona]

Not sure if this is right spot to post this or not. If not, you can move to the proper spot. So on Feb 9th, my "friend" found out she is 4 weeks pregnant. Right now, she is dead set in abortion, and im not sure what to do. Last thursday we went to the doctors for a check up and the doctor said "you can either go through with it or get a abortion. But if you go with abortion, chances are, things will end very horrible for both of you and I highly you dont want that. Both of you will end up depressed, regret, beyond upset, and so on. Think about what you wanna do here because its not an easy decision." This is my first child too. We both are more then capable to raise this child. I dont know. We are gonna talk about it tonight. Im just not sure what to say.

[Wakeup]

We both are more then capable to raise this child.

What makes you think so?

[bearz]

Define "friend" in your case.

[Shisimona]

What makes you think so?

We both have stable jobs. I bring home roughly $3500 a month and she brings home roughly $1500 a month. We have $20000 put away. Both of our vehicles are paid for. Only bills we have are, rent, internet/cable, 2 credit cards, and 2 cell phones. Between those, roughly $900 a month. Plus about about $300-$400 a month on food. We do half on everything but our credit cards and cell phones. We both have 1 credit card and 1 cell phone. So, I know for money wise we are fine. We just need a bigger place and thats probably it.

As for define "friend" she says we are friends, but yet if you saw us, you would think we are dating.

[basilandthyme]

Shisimona, that doctor seems to be strongly pushing personal his views on you. Very unprofessional behaviour. If she wants to do counselling, look for a service which offers unbiased advice and who will discuss the pros and cons of each option. Hopefully our Canadian posters can recommend somewhere.

You say that you believe that you're both capable of raising a child. Given the very unstable recent history you share with her, I hope you're not planning a 'happy family' scenario. As the relationship is rocky, odds are that the relationship won't go the distance. She needs to think long and hard about the high odds of ending up a single mother and whether or not she's up for it.

[ashley89]

if she is dead set on the abortion then there is not too much you can do... clearly she does not think having this baby is a good idea. it's really something the two of you need to sit down and talk about. also, very odd that the doctor would say that, it really isn't his/her position to say such a thing. my best friend had an abortion a couple years ago with the guy she is currently engaged to, things didn't end horribly between them, they're still together.

[ashley89]

plus this is not even someone you are dating... she goes around saying you are "friends" so basically you're **** buddies who live together?

[Wakeup]

We both have stable jobs. I bring home roughly $3500 a month and she brings home roughly $1500 a month. We have $20000 put away. Both of our vehicles are paid for. Only bills we have are, rent, internet/cable, 2 credit cards, and 2 cell phones. Between those, roughly $900 a month. Plus about about $300-$400 a month on food. We do half on everything but our credit cards and cell phones. We both have 1 credit card and 1 cell phone. So, I know for money wise we are fine. We just need a bigger place and thats probably it.

As for define "friend" she says we are friends, but yet if you saw us, you would think we are dating.

it takes much more than being financially capable. She has major issues as you know and neither of you sound mature enough. To top it all off, your relationship prior to becoming pregnant was iffy at best.

She will be making a huge mistake to bring a baby into the world while in her current state of dysfunction. Too late now though, Odds are she's not going to terminate this pregnancy after what that unprofessional doctor had to say to her. (Your story is actually quite unbelievable to tell you the truth.. unless you went to a catholic doctor).

Google for a "planned parenthood" in your area and go get a second opinion. Neither of you are ready to be parents.

... Tell us, what does your mom say about this update?

[Shisimona]

plus this is not even someone you are dating... she goes around saying you are "friends" so basically you're **** buddies who live together?

She only tells me we are just "friends" but texts people saying my boyfriend will be there to pick it up, my boyfriend is gonna pick me up. She even introduced me to one of her good friends as her boyfriend on sunday. The only time when she is says we are "friends" when its just me and her around. But she refers me to her boyfriend when talking to other people.

[Shisimona]

My mom actually said, good for you, I get to be a grandma again. And thats it.

[Boisdevie]

The doctor sounds highly unprofessional. Find another one who doesn't project their personal opinions onto the situation.

If your friend doesn't want a baby then she doesn't have to have one. And babies are bloody hard work, regardless of your income. If she doesn't feel that it's right for her to have a child then abortion is the way forward. That and getting some education as to how contraception works.

[basilandthyme]

My mom actually said, good for you, I get to be a grandma again. And thats it.

Your mother's opinion carries no weight in this.

[Shisimona]

Your mother's opinion carries no weight in this.

Actually Wakeup said in a post Tell us, what does your mom say about this update? So I was just answering her question.

[michelle23]

This girl is playing games with you. She wont give you a straight answer about whether you are together or not. Are you 100% sure shes pregnant or is this another game? She sounds very unstable..

If she is pregnant-you need to sit down and have a proper talk. Abortion is a BIG deal but so is having a baby. If you think you can be good parents and not let your weird relationship affect the child and if you feel like you want her to have this baby-you need to speak up but if you do decide to go ahead with the pregnancy-lots of things have to change.

You both should be committed to each other and want the relationship to work long term and commit to working together as a team and living together to bring up your baby

OR

You both need to agree that you are not together, will not live together, will not sleep together but will support each other and share custody

OR

She has an abortion and you go your separate ways.

I think if she has an abortion it will be difficult for you to stay together.

Talk it out, tell her what you want, give her the options, make sure you both agree. If she does decide to have an abortion-she will need counselling beforehand and it will benefit you also.

[Wakeup]

Actually Wakeup said in a post Tell us, what does your mom say about this update? So I was just answering her question.

Originally Posted by basilandthyme
Your mother's opinion carries no weight in this.

Well, I disagree that his mothers opinion carries no weight particularily because he valued her opinion (in another thread) when she told him to ask her to marry him. Now with that "Good for you, I get to be a grandma again" I don't think she's a very smart women but the apple doesn't fall far from the tree obviously if you'd get her pregnant ("her" of course not being your mother :o) when you know for a fact that the mother to be is fkd up royally in the mental and emotional realms and refuses to commit to you while causing you grief every bloody chance she gets.

I seriously feel quite scared for this child if she has it. You should too.