Talking to a Girl in a Relationship

[MarkusP]

Hello.

I am 17 years old and am talking to a 16 year old girl via BBM. We only started speaking a few days ago when she found my pin over Facebook. Before I get into the problem, I'd really appreciate it if answers were a little more than "You're only 17" or "Go and meet her IRL!", I'm just looking for some enlightenment on how others see the situation.

So here is the thing, we both clicked really fast and we have had some late night conversations over the last few days that we've both enjoyed. As a lot of teenagers do, I guess she speaks to a lot of people but I think that we have something quite different and she does seem to trust me and ask for advice if needed etc. We both start the conversation and when she does she seems really happy to speak to me, although as the conversation goes on it feels like she wants someone to talk to but she just gives answers like "Oh yeah?", "Okay cool" and stuff like that. Despite that she says I am cute, sweet etc and I think she overall has a good impression of me.

The strange thing is she asked if I wanted to meet up within a few hours of speaking to her. As I said in the title, she is in a relationship but it seems pretty unstable and it has only been going on for a month, and in that time they've had to get back together once. She is always posting about how much she loves him and stuff, but - as many will be quick to point out - girls her age aren't exactly hesitant when it comes to posting soppy messages like that.

I have been in this situation before and my ex-girlfriend and I got together after I helped her through a previous break up. I enjoy speaking to this girl as a friend and I'd never attempt to split them up. When we meet up I'm sure we'll have a nice time but all of this makes me think I may be a "back-up plan", especially as I'm a year older than her and am probably a lot different and more mature than most boys at her school - hell I know her boyfriend and I feel she can do a lot better. He gets into fights and has dropped out of education whereas I am doing really well with my A-Levels.

So do you guys reckon she might have it in the back of her mind that I am there to fall back on should she break up with her current boyfriend? Or is she just an overly keen, overly friendly girl probably wanting some attention and new friends (she isn't one of those girls who has loads of likes or friends on her facebook, so this could be the case). Either way, I plan on staying friends with her and seeing what develops. I just need to make sure I don't get too attached in the meantime.

[smackie9]

I'm sure she is looking for an out with her BF. This can get ugly tho, one, she might go running back to her ex, two, you become a rebound and once she is done with you, will dump you flat, or three will just use you as her emotional tampon, and stick you in the friends zone.

So I agree you shouldn't invest your feelings, and just see where it goes. Tip: to be more desirable, be less available to her.

[smackie9]

Best of luck too!

[Wakeup]

Why would you even get involved with someone who is in a relationship already? There are millions of girls out there that currently don't have the drama of a boyfriend in the wings.

I ask: How would you feel if your gf was meeting up with some stranger boy she met and clicked with on the internet? Would you be jiggy with that?

[bearz]

She says she loves her boyfriend, but yet is looking for someone else. That should be a big red flag. And the fact that her answers in your conversations are generally pretty short might be a sign that she isn't really that much interested in you as much as you would think or hope for.

[Rowen]

I agree with smackie and bearz. She's looking for a way out, and you're her backup plan. Honestly, I know you like her, but it sounds like you need someone on your level- a little more mature. A few of my friends in my high school have this problem. They're mature guys who want an honest relationship without the crap, and there are girls who drag them into their drama by giving the appearance of being mature. I know this sounds a bit stereotypical of me to say, but most high school girls suck like this. Honestly, do you really want a girlfriend who is constant drama like that? Re-assess your standards. Don't tolerate drama, and above all, avoid her if you feel like you're a backup plan. Otherwise, you'll be tripping over your own feet again and again only to get hurt by the same type of girl.

To be honest, (And I'm not telling you to follow my example or recommending it.) this is part of why all of my boyfriends never had any connection to the high school and were a teensy bit older- because I wanted someone on my maturity level without the drama.

[michelle23]

I agree with Rowen to a certain extent except I was the opposite. I was always more mature than my peers and never connected with boys my own age as a teenager so I preferred to be single. I had one or two pointless boyfriends which was a waste of time but never felt happy in a relationship until I was older and met someone more on my maturity level.

One tip I will offer you: Stay away from any girl who is in a relationship. Avoid cheaters like the plague and don't ever be one yourself.

[smackie9]

Ah well they are just being teenagers and relationships at that age are not really that solid with most of them, and I agree it should be like this because at such a young age, they should keep their options open anyways. Save the committed stuff for when you are an adult, and enjoy your youth.

So Mark no matter what you do, there is no predicting what is going to happen. It's possible she is chatting it up with any guy she finds cute on FB. Most kids these days, it's all about popularity, how many friends you have, and how much attention you can get. She might be doing just that and weighing her options.

[Wakeup]

Markus.. i agree that you should weigh your options before committing to any one girl, but do it with single girls who don't have the drama of a boyfriend that she has committed to. There are lots of women where you met this one who have no boyfriend. Leave her be and find someone who won't screw your head up with her bullshit. Seriously!

If you were my son I'd be advising you exactly that.