A long but hopefully juicy story to get your interest.. Can't really think of a title

[Convolusion]

First off I want to say that this story will not reference any party by any word that would give away their gender. This is to try and take away anyone's potential gender bias. The sex listed in my profile also may or may not be true, so you can't go there to cheat I will instead refer to the people involved as numbers. I know this is long but it's very detailed and hopefully a good enough story to keep you reading.

Synopsis: Person I was seeing for 5 months (Let's call them person #3 ) decides they have to call it quits with me because they want a serious relationship that I don't want. they immediately begin to **** the good friend of mine who I met them though (Person #1), and who just broke up with their significant other of 5 years (Person #2, Who also was friends with #3) who #1 actually suggested I have sex with recently. They admitted to having a crush on #3 a while back, and #2 feels #3 is the main reason for turmoil that caused them to break off their 5 year thing (It's a part of it, but definitely not the whole reason). I now feel completely betrayed and slapped in the face and right now I feel like I want zero to do with any of them anymore, so I'm looking for outsider's perspectives to see if I'm justified in feeling this way.

Full story: For this we need to go back a few months. Hopefully this will be entertaining and juicy enough that you will actually sit through it because this is long, but there's many subtleties that have a hand in making me feel as I do right now and I think if you don't grasp them all you might not get where I'm coming from.

OK well I've been friends with this couple for 2 years now... #1 and #2. They were together for 5 years, they are 21-22 ish. They always came across as intelligent, polite people that do well in school and are on their way to live out their respective dreams in their fields of study after college. #2 is the only person #1 has ever been with. About 5 months ago I meet #3 through hanging out with them and we hit it off very well and begin a bed buddy relationship and hang out once a week or so. They're a busy college person so we just talk a lot on Facebook, and really everything is fine between us.

Somewhere shortly after, things go bizarre with #1 and #2. They are on a "break" because #2 is having a quarter life crisis. #1 and #2 were supposed to get officially engaged shortly after graduation and #2 realizes that this is a huge shift in life and they feel they haven't experienced enough of other people yet, so they need to be with other people, and expects #1 to be understanding of this. Meanwhile #2 doesnt think #1 should be able to see other people because they claim they are their perfect mate, and #1 therefore has no reason to be with other people. That's a subject all in it's own I'm sure but anyway it is what it is.

So #1 and #2 end up going through their own turmoils of which #3 and I kinda watch from the sidelines. #1 confides a lot in #3 and maintains lots of contact with them for another person's perspective on the whole thing through it all and I get info passed to me to keep abreast. Somewhere along the way, it's revealed that #1 has a crush on #3 which came as no surprise. In fact before the "break" I got playful texts from #1 and #2 implying they want to have a 4 way with us. In hindsight, I believe this was possibly a way for those two to compromise with #2's deal so that they can be with other people and #1 can be with another person as well and they could still be together; that other person of course being #3 who they had a crush on. I politely blow it off because i just can't get into that stuff as does #3. Also just FYI, #2 also has a thing for me and it was revealed during a drunken night one time by #2 that #1 also has somewhat of a crush on me. #1 I guess is like maybe 20% bisexual if you can put a number to it. Anyway, this crush on #3 apparently becomes a big deal after all to #2 who starts to distance themself from #3 and also from their 5 year partner, #1.

At this point, it's all becoming a strain on me because I am used to #1 and #2 being together and now they are split and I'm getting guilt trips from #2 saying I'm taking sides because of who i choose to hang with (#1 and their roommates, and #3 of course) instead of with #2. Along the way I start getting suggestive texts from #2 implying they want to hook up. I would never do that to #1, no matter how much they may claim to dislike #2 now, whether there's attraction with me and #2 or not, and also due to the fact I'm seeing #3. We are not anything serious but still that to me would be such a jerk thing to do and I could never. The added strain comes to the realization that i now also have to split time between #1 and #2 if I want to hang out with them because they sure aren't hanging around each other any more and my time to socialize is already limited. It was perfect when they were a couple and I could hang with them all together.

So I blow off #2's suggestive texts and I keep telling them that they should really try and get back with #1. I keep telling #1 that they should really try and get back with #2. Eventually they end up not getting back together though.

2 weeks ago i get a text at 2 AM from #2 saying they miss me and we need to hang. I don't reply immediately since I was going to bed anyway, and the next day wake up to a message from #3 saying that #1 told them that #2 is going to try sleeping with me to get back at #3. I was like ah, that would explain the 2 Am text. Anyway, I just politely tell #2 that yeah we should definitely grab some coffee during the week, they said they would like that. I never follow up on the offer though and I don't hear back from them.

That's pretty much where the story stands up into a little over a week ago.

#3 now decides that they need me to commit to a serious relationship because they are liking me more and more and can't keep doing it to themselves. I tell them I seriously do not have the time or the motivation for that and plus with the fact I'm starting up a business very soon, my time will become even more limited. I'm at a point in my life where I didn't do much productive during the typical college years (I'm 29) and I'm just finally moving along in life now. I finally have the passion to put towards learning more things that will develop my career so i can make a living doing what I love. If I can be serious with anything right now, it can't be people of the opposite sex, and it has to be myself and my goals. This once a week hangout thing we have going here for me is honestly all I have the energy for. they say ok then they can't continue, but to please still come over #1's the next day. I told them that nothing between them and I is going to mess with me coming down and still hanging out with that crowd. I ended up not being able to come over the next day though because I had a job to do. This past week, as expected, communication between #3 and I dwindled.

Last night I am finally able to make it back down to hang with everyone. Cutting to the chase here to the end of Act 2 in the story...

A very drunk #1 decides to tell me that they have been ****ing #3 the entire past week.

So this stirred up some anger in me that I did a good job of just pushing aside for the time being and not wanting to think too deep on what I'm hearing so I can just focus on trying to have a good time out at this party here and I figure I will think on it more when I have free time and figure out why I'm angry, if I have a right to be angry, etc. The rest of the night was filled with shitty attempts by #3 to try and engage me in some sort of interactions to which i just said "hey" and continued on watching a game of beer pong or tending to my cell phone or something, along with #1 repeatedly apologizing to me and telling me I'm a good person, and they's sorry, but #3 came on to them, and telling me things like well "Hey at least you got to **** a young hot person!". All i could really get myself to say for the time being was what it's fine I'm cool with it I don't care, we weren't going out, no big deal whatever, etc. I was sure this was not the truth, but I wanted to say anything to get off the subject so I didn't have to think about it and not get into arguments and stir up public drama.

So.. I get home and think on everything, sleep on it, think some more today...try and understand where this unconscious anger was stemming from, was it justified, where do i go from here, etc. Here's where I stand right now...

I believe for #3 to immediately jump from my ship to #1's who they KNOWS is a good friend of mine - especially after all this dissing by them and everyone of #2 and them wanting to get with other people, and "how could they do that to #1?" type of talk - is a huge slap in the face to me and a hypocritical action on their part that just disgusts me. ***continued***

[Convolusion]

It makes it seem like I viewed them as nothing but someone to **** and that I had no care for them in the world for them to think that they would feel I'd be totally fine with them immediately getting with not just anyone, but a friend of mine. When #1 tells me shit like "Hey at least you got to bang this hot young person", that angers me as well and makes me think either they seriously just think that's all it's about for me, or that's all it should be about for anyone, and maybe the age gap and maturity and the difference in outlooks that may come with it are coming to light there. Either #3 thinks all they were to me was a being to have sex with, and coming to that conclusion because I wouldn't go out with them, so I therefore truly must have zero feelings, and this should be all fine and dandy... or they are doing this to get back at me for not committing (Doubtful since they has still retained contact with me)... or they are really just selfish and hypocritical after all. I'm leaning towards the last one in all honesty.

For #1 to think this is OK is also beyond bullshit to me. I would never get with someone that my friend was with in any capacity for five months if they broke up, I don't care if that person was coming on to me or not. Sex to me is not worth the drama. This is one of a few reasons (Already listed above) why I didn't get with #2. I valued #1's friendship more than I valued a hookup with #2. I would never ever want that elephant in the room between us. #1 was adamant a couple months ago when they replied "**** no" when I asked them if they were cool with #2 being with other people to satisfy their urges. Even if I weren't with #3 at the time, I would never ever consider agreeing to #2's invites to hook up, even WITH #1 telling me I should do it after they claimed they were over them and can't stand them.

Yet here I am seemingly having the tables turned on me and everyone apparently thinking that I would just be OK with this. I really don't get it. The way i see it, if you feel you have to apologize for it to my face tells me it's something you felt bad about and knew it would hurt me yet chose to give in to shitty sexual temptation like a 12 year old and say **** my feelings, sex is more important. Sex with the person you were with for five months is more important... but hey, I'm totally sorry and you're such a great person though! To add to the shittyness of this, #1 tells me to my face that #3's in for a surprise if they think they are going to commit to anything serious with them either. Obviously they don't know this.

So what I see happening is that in a few weeks or months, the same thing is going to happen to #1 and #3 that happened to me and #3, and no one is going to be friends anymore, all over sexual desires trumping integrity and value of real friendship. It pisses me off to no end to look at how what was a good "crew" and good friendships can be so easily dissolved over this because in my opinion, these interactions and how people deal with these situations and where they place you on the ladder really show you who your friends are. So at this point I feel so slighted by both people, and so drained over the whole #1/#2 stuff that I just want out from that entire social sphere and want nothing to do with either of them any more. I only have so much time to give to people in life, why should I give it to people that have proven that you are worth less than an orgasm?

[basilandthyme]

all those numbers.....it's too hard to read. And it's very long. And I'd be wasting my time without knowing genders....like it or not, they do think differently.

Shorten it and use names instead of numbers - and you'll get more responses.

[Convolusion]

Gender should have no bearing on what's generally accepted to be right and wrong, being a jerk and not. You either feel what one person does to another is right or wrong because it is or isnt. Asking for genders is basically saying that some things are fine when done to one sex but not to another and you need to know who it was done to so you can side with them. Sorry, but I'm not feeding that.

[basilandthyme]

Yes, I think right or wrong doesn't make a difference with gender. But men and women communicate very differently and gender helps us understand what's going on. Perhaps communication isn't the issue....I don't know because I can't read the post because it's far too long and too complicated and has all those numbers in it.

Seriously, this is how it reads: And #1 said to #2 that #3 likes #1 but I'm not sure what #1 was thinking because #3 went out and #2 went shopping with #1 and #1 bought a shirt for #3 but #2 doesn't like it and then #1 said to #2 that the cat is staying wtih #3's parents ........and it goes on for soooo long.

If you want a number of replies, you'd be well advised to seriously cull this and make it easier to read and understand.

[michelle23]

Im getting confused with all the numbers but I think you are male. Am I correct?

[Convolusion]

Yes, I think right or wrong doesn't make a difference with gender. But men and women communicate very differently and gender helps us understand what's going on. Perhaps communication isn't the issue....I don't know because I can't read the post because it's far too long and too complicated and has all those numbers in it.

Seriously, this is how it reads: And #1 said to #2 that #3 likes #1 but I'm not sure what #1 was thinking because #3 went out and #2 went shopping with #1 and #1 bought a shirt for #3 but #2 doesn't like it and then #1 said to #2 that the cat is staying wtih #3's parents ........and it goes on for soooo long.

If you want a number of replies, you'd be well advised to seriously cull this and make it easier to read and understand.

I realize how it reads, I never expected someone would get confused with identifying people by three different numbers instead of something like John Joe and Mike. If it helps, just imagine the people literally as anthropomorphic numbers walking around interacting.

[HeartIsAching]

If it helps, imagine us not reading the piffle.

[Wakeup]

Is this an old episode of 90210?

[Wakeup]

Person I was seeing for 5 months (Let's call them person #3 ) decides they have to call it quits with me because they want a serious relationship that I don't want.

I couldn't read it all but I've read enough with that statment and the many other situations similar to yours that when you won't commit to the one you're doing, then crap is likely going to happen in one form or another. You reap what you sow.

[dem862]

You said you don't have time for a relationship anyway. Did you expect to keep an option on #3 when he wanted a relationship and not just a fcuk buddy? He decided to pursue something with #1 and she was willing, so they did. You actually sound jealous that #1 and #3 are together, and you have been pushed out of the picture, even though it was your own choice. So live with the consequences of your decision and move on. Apparently #2 is available, but he should really take some time to grieve the loss of his relationship, and so should #1 for that matter. You need to get over the loss of your relationship with #3 as well. You really aren't emotionally available for a real relationship, so stop harboring resentment over other people's desires.

[ashley89]

way too long and confusing, just get to the point without all the puzzles

[Convolusion]

You said you don't have time for a relationship anyway. Did you expect to keep an option on #3 when he wanted a relationship and not just a fcuk buddy? He decided to pursue something with #1 and she was willing, so they did. You actually sound jealous that #1 and #3 are together, and you have been pushed out of the picture, even though it was your own choice. So live with the consequences of your decision and move on. Apparently #2 is available, but he should really take some time to grieve the loss of his relationship, and so should #1 for that matter. You need to get over the loss of your relationship with #3 as well. You really aren't emotionally available for a real relationship, so stop harboring resentment over other people's desires.

You seem like you never had someone you were with in any capacity start ****ing one of your close friends and have nothing of real value you could add here due to lack of perspective.

[dem862]

You seem like you never had someone you were with in any capacity start ****ing one of your close friends and have nothing of real value you could add here due to lack of perspective.

I know sour grapes when I see it.

[Convolusion]

way too long and confusing, just get to the point without all the puzzles

Sorry, i didnt realize writing out all the details to make a well informed decision would actually be confusing.

I guess if you don't want to take the time to read something thoroughly that someone takes the time of typing out, then simply don't reply. Don't hate on me because I didn't cater to your needs.