I feel your pain. I was much like you. One of the main things I can tell you is in life you have many choices, do you choose to see the possibilities or the problems? Sounds like the latter in your case. I was bogged down by low self esteem, and everything that goes with it. I had to get real with myself and change the way I was. I researched and researched, and most importantly, I acted! Now I'm a very different person. I'm still a work in progress, but there has been progress, much progress. Again, I feel your pain. One of the best resources I found that did wonders for me is reading. I learned how to change myself by reading. I was determined to change. Now, I love the person I'm becoming. So, my advice to you, if you really want to change is first find out how, then act on what you learn. If you want some guidance check out, http://goo.gl/0uVyB . I found it very helpful. Good luck on your journey.
As a man thinketh, so is he.