Relationship overheating? Too intense too quickly?

[Onedaydream3r]

Me and my girlfriend started seeing each other over a year ago, but because I was a bit of an emotional state a the time I didn't want to let her in and we parted ways. A few months later the feeling went away, and as she was newly single and I knew I could allow my feelings out this time I went for it.

Things started off magically, it just seemed to work. Over the course of a couple of months we fell so naturally in love and everything was great, though we did spend a LOT of time together especially considering we'd gone from nothing to basically marriage lol in a couple of months.

I noticed lately she was acting differently, not as loving and not as into the relationship. I confronted her and while she said she didn't know exactly what the problem was we talked and I got to a couple of issues. First the fact that shed already gotten over me once, and that she was obviously "not good enough" for me to get over my issues at the time and let her in first time round. Second, that we went from basically nothing to intense serious relationship very quickly, which as I'd said was reciprocated initially but has since just been from my side.

Now I love this girl to death, I've never felt like this about anyone so will do anything to fix it. I'm not 100% sure what the problem is but assuming its the above what shoul I be doing to help get us through this? She said she totally loves me and doesn't know what she'd do without me etc but that she can't force that genuine feeling when you're with someone. She said she's going to try and get it back, but what can I do to help her?

[basilandthyme]

I don't know what's best to advise - I haven't been in her situation. But my gut feeling tells me that you have to let her lead the pace. And another gut feeling tells me that bringing back lost feelings is nigh near impossible.

Tread with caution, but don't wait for her forever.

[michelle23]

The honeymoon period is over. The infatuation has worn off so its normal now for her to step back and analyze the relationship. Her eyes are wide open and shes trying to figure out whether you and her can work long term or not.

Just give her a little space. Try to act normal and still be loving etc towards her. Hopefully she will be fine again in a few months. Women are more cautious than men and we need to weigh up the pros and cons etc a lot more than men do.

[Rowen]

The honeymoon period is over. The infatuation has worn off so its normal now for her to step back and analyze the relationship. Her eyes are wide open and shes trying to figure out whether you and her can work long term or not.

I disagree. She could just need her space without trying to figure out if it will work long term or not.

OP, just give her space and let her know you're there if she needs you. In the end, whatever will be, will be. If she pulls further away and it ends, then you know it was all just infatuation. However, if she comes back, then you'll just know that you two held a little too tightly (Sorry- had to quote .38 Special), but the space kept you from losing control.

Relationships need space. I've dated people before that I wanted to talk to every single second, and we did in the beginning...until I wanted my own space. In that instance, it either led to me avoiding phone calls and texts or me leaving because they couldn't get that I wanted my space. You need to have your own life, and she needs to have her own life, as well. You two can't glue yourselves together and expect it to work. A lover is meant to complement who you are...not be who you are... That being said, every married couple has activities and outings they do alone/with their friends. No husband or wife wants to spend every single moment together of their lives. Sometimes, it's nice to be without them and have fun alone. If you can't have fun without her, you're too dependent, and this will never work. If you really love her, give her space, and see what happens.

[Onedaydream3r]

Thanks all for the helpful advice! I think it's pretty clear what needs to be done, I'd thought giving space was the best potential solution anyway so will just take the accelerator off a bit and let her lead the pace now. If it works (which I'm ever hopeful it does!) then great, just got a bit much and as you say muchelle23 the honeymoon period had ended. If not, well then I guess it had just had its time :-( not much more I can do than that though! Thanks again, really helpful to get your opinions

[michelle23]

Its normal for things to get less intense. Look up the stages of a relationship. If she still feels resentment though-you need to work on that. Maybe shes afraid youll hurt her again. Just try to explain what happened the first time as best as you can.